tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14979129899797876492024-03-08T09:42:14.671-08:00The Daily UrinalThe Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-15722831166537963672014-06-02T01:24:00.000-07:002014-06-02T01:26:49.507-07:00Issue 122 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 122</u>(March 28th, 2014)<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><i><u>Sidebar</u></i></b></div>
<div>
<div>
Friday! </div>
<div>
First week back from Spring Break was a doozy. Take it easy this </div>
<div>
weekend, kids. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
MEGA SIDEBAR </div>
<div>
For maximum sidebar fun! $29.99 plus shipping and handling. </div>
<div>
Batteries not included. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Improv Match </div>
<div>
Today at 3:30 in the Middle School Meeting Room/Old Silent </div>
<div>
Library/Location of the Past Two Coffee Houses! Featuring Dounia </div>
<div>
Sawaya, Jack Kimmel, Anna Shuster, and Matthew Kerr against the </div>
<div>
nefarious Francis Parker. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
SENIORS </div>
<div>
Picture on the Quad at 9. Don’t go off-campus during enrichments </div>
<div>
OR ELSE. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
MAD ABOUT JAZZ </div>
<div>
The Pops Concert is April 2, 3, 4, and 5 at 7:00 PM!!! The Bishop’s </div>
<div>
Singers, Knight’s Chorus, Bel Canto, Women’s Chorus, and Middle </div>
<div>
School chorus will be singing a variety of jazz hits, with guest </div>
<div>
appearances by sequins and positive attitudes. [intense jazz scatting] </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Thank you </div>
<div>
To Timothy Donnelly, who gave a great reading yesterday and is a</div>
<div>
very talented poet and a knowledgeable, passionate, and engaging </div>
<div>
person and who rocks. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Lyrics Quiz No. 1 </div>
<div>
And I used to talk </div>
<div>
With honest conviction </div>
<div>
Of how I predicted my world </div>
<div>
I’m gonna leave it to stargazers </div>
<div>
To tell me what the telescope says </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Lyrics Quiz No. 2 </div>
<div>
I am beautiful </div>
<div>
No matter what they say </div>
<div>
Words can’t bring me down </div>
<div>
Nooooooo [absurd and overwrought vocal run] </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Font of the day today and of every day in general </div>
<div>
Comic Sans MS</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><i><u>Article</u></i></b></div>
<div>
<b><i><u><br /></u></i></b></div>
<div>
<div>
In Defense of Fidgeting</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
By: Nessa Garcia (Reliable Source of Quality Work)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A few months ago, I went to see The Book of </div>
<div>
Mormon with my family. My brother and I had </div>
<div>
begged our parents to buy tickets, convincing them </div>
<div>
that it was a true, yet inspirational tale of religion in </div>
<div>
the new world. Accordingly, I was excited to </div>
<div>
experience the musical, but also to watch my mother </div>
<div>
gasp in horror (may I add that she is a Spanish </div>
<div>
Catholic), as the musical would soon reveal itself as a </div>
<div>
crude, yet hilarious satire of religion. Juvenile? Sure. </div>
<div>
Fun? Yup. </div>
<div>
Anyway, the show was about to start when </div>
<div>
the woman next to me turned and looked at me with </div>
<div>
disdain. In a thick accent, she spat, “Stop moving your </div>
<div>
leg; it is distracting me.” I stopped fidgeting. With the </div>
<div>
most apologetic face I could muster, I turned to her </div>
<div>
and promised to stop, being overly polite to mask my </div>
<div>
immediate annoyance. </div>
<div>
Little did she know, she had ruined that </div>
<div>
whole night for me. I was so psyched to see the </div>
<div>
musical, but now I had to focus on sitting still. For me, </div>
<div>
fidgeting is like breathing; unconscious and necessary.</div>
<div>
If I don’t fidget, I start to feel uncomfortable in a </div>
<div>
seated position, causing my mind to drift and lose its </div>
<div>
focus. Now, my body is trained to fidget so that I can </div>
<div>
accommodate my strange inability to remain still. Yet, </div>
<div>
fidgeting is often considered a sign of being nervous </div>
<div>
and tense. This just isn’t true. </div>
<div>
Thus, I am calling for the end of </div>
<div>
discrimination against fidgeters. Friend, you are not</div>
<div>
helping when you hold my leg in chapel. Your face </div>
<div>
looks like you want me to thank you for your </div>
<div>
“service,” but I will just fidget harder come two</div>
<div>
minutes. Fifth-grade teacher, I did not have to pee all </div>
<div>
the time. In fact, for every day that you saw me </div>
<div>
fidgeting, I burned 300 calories to counterbalance my </div>
<div>
obsession with caring for virtual pets. Jealous? </div>
<div>
In any case, I do understand why fidgeting </div>
<div>
can negatively affect others—the movement is kind of </div>
<div>
distracting. If seated at a small table, I may cause a </div>
<div>
mini earthquake, which interrupts conversation or </div>
<div>
peaceful eating. However, it is something that I cannot </div>
<div>
comfortably control. For this reason, I expect others to </div>
<div>
understand fidgeting and respect its noble cause. If </div>
<div>
anything, they should join the cause. Fidget 4 lyfe. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
*The making of this article has involved </div>
<div>
approximately one hour of fidgeting*</div>
</div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-38962450216632819002014-03-27T08:50:00.003-07:002014-03-27T08:50:51.058-07:00Issue 121 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 121</u> (March 27, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div class="page" title="Page 1">
<div class="section" style="background-color: rgb(100.000000%, 100.000000%, 100.000000%);">
<div class="layoutArea">
<div class="column">
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-weight: 700;">RIP
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Today marks the one year
anniversary of the death of
our beloved friend, Jason
Johnson, who just couldn’t
keep up with the addy.
May he rest in paradise.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-weight: 700;">Message from Mr. Davis
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Poet Timothy Donnelly,
author of </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-style: italic;">The Cloud
Corporation </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">and </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-style: italic;">Twenty-
Seven Props for a
Production of Eine
Lebenszeit</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">, will read today
in the Manchester Library
at 4pm. Lovers of verse
and two-handed tennis are
welcome. Book signing to
follow. Cookies and punch
after that.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-weight: 700;">March Madness
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Also known as college
decisions. Easily one of the
most arbitrary processes,
unfortunately for some and
fortunately for others.
Good luck to all.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-weight: 700;">2048
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Do not ever play this
game, under any
circumstances. Addiction
is unnavoidable. It is the
intellectual second coming
of Flappy Bird.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-weight: 700;">Quote of the Day
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">“You're happy because
you're successful. For now.
But what is happiness? It's
a moment before you need
more happiness.”<br />
- Don Draper (Mad Men)
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-weight: 700;">Phil
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Phil </span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><b><u>Articles</u></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span>
<br />
<div class="page" title="Page 1">
<div class="layoutArea">
<div class="column">
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">April 1, 2014 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Dear Matthew Healey,
</span><br />
</div>
</div>
<div class="layoutArea">
<div class="column">
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">We here at BetterThanYou University are
pleased to inform you that you have been selected
for rejection for the freshman class of 2018.
(April Fools! Did we getcha? Haha). Fortunately
for us, your $100 application fee is non-
refundable.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Each year, BTY University receives over 2
billion competitive applications for each available
spot in our incoming class, and we here in the
rejections admissions office hate having to turn
down so many highly qualified individuals. You
of course were not one of those highly qualified
individuals and we rejected you with great
pleasure and ease. Rest assured, though, that we
spent ample time reviewing your application. It
took Jimmy five minutes to stop laughing at your
measly 4.8 GPA. (You should be a little proud
though; that is in fact </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-style: italic;">a new record for time spent
on any one app</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">)!
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Remember that this decision in no way
reflects on you as a person, because we in no way
judged you as a person. Instead we recited an
ancient Celtic incantation and rolled the Magic
Dice of Good Decisions. Sadly, you got snake
eyes, which of course means rejection.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">If you are still interested in BTY University,
please understand that the feeling is not mutual.
However, we would be more than happy to take
another $100 fee from you for a first year transfer
application.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Wishing you the best in your future endeavors as
an unemployed bum with a long list of crushed
dreams,<br />
Fred Umbridge
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">Associate Dean of Rejections and Financial Gain
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">P.S. If you would like to help your chances for a
future application, our campus could really use a
new science center...just saying.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="page" title="Page 1">
<div class="layoutArea">
<div class="column">
<span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPS; font-weight: 700;">My Friends at the Bishop's
Welcome Barbecue<br />
</span><span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">By: Erik Schrunk
</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">1) Mark Matten is doing
physics problems in a glass
cage labeled "Exhibit A."
Some daring student adds a
plus sign so that it reads
"Exhibit A+." Ms. Roche nods
her head in silent approval.
</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">2) As Mr. Goss shows off the
enormous library to the crowd,
Joseph Oh runs out, hastily-
done homework in his hand.
"What the--?" he asks.
</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">3) Ms. Roche proudly refers
the new students to the senior
rec room, a place for our
responsible, mature seniors to
spend time together. Jake
Ramirez is seen chanting "off
the table!" while hitting all the
pool balls off the pool table,
which is covered in milk and
milk cartons.
</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">4) Rory French holds the door
for an entire crowd of people.
He smiles the whole time.
</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">5) Phil Forte wasn't even
supposed to be there, but too
many people wanted his
autograph, so he had to stay.
</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a313d; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">6) Graham Held stares with
disapproval upon the crowd of
unnecessarily happy people. </span><br />
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="layoutArea">
<div class="column">
<br />
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-31195613643748639802014-03-27T08:47:00.003-07:002014-03-27T08:47:52.245-07:00Issue 120 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 120</u> (March 26, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DU T-Shirts<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Everybody
order DU shirts! They are $12. We currently have serveral that are ready, and
will have more inventory soon. You will receive an email when your shirt is
ready. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Beat That Dead Horse!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Never
mind the catastrophe currently unfolding in Eastern Europe CNN, the plane is
way more important (and interesting too! Even after weeks and weeks!).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">BBC<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Under
the headline “Other Top Stories,” the BBC website has placed the following
headlines next to eachother: “N Korea fires mid-range missiles,” and “Gwyneth
Paltrow and Chirs Martin to separate.” Is it a silly thing to be mad about?
Perhaps. Could they maybe separate the two a little bit? Again, perhaps.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Beijing Air Quality<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I’m
sure you knew the air quality was bad, but, on the air pollution index, Beijing
topped out at a 755 out of a possible 500. That might have been last year, but
still.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">College Letters<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Underclassmen,
if you talk to a senior this week, don’t bring up college decisions unless the
senior is talking about them. Thanks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Lyrics Quiz</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: black;">Afraid to lose
control<br />
And caught up in this world<br />
I've wasted time, I've wasted breath<br />
I think I've thought myself to death.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: black;">I was born without
this fear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: black;">Now only this seems
clear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">Lyrics Quiz Hint<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: black;">Nobody really knows
what genre this song is, and nobody can really agree whether that’s a good
thing or a bad thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">R.I.P. Fred Phelps<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">By:
Matthew Kerr <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate">
<br /></div>
<div class="BodyA" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Fred
Phelps, kind religious man, father of 13, passed away last past week at the
mere age of 84. This came as quite a shock to members of Phelps</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">community,
who believed he would go on to oppress the homosexuals and dead soldiers of
America for at <i>least</i> ten more years. Phelps was most commonly known for
his influential contribution to the religious world: the founding of the
Westboro Baptist Church, a religious organization dedicated to crafty
sign-making and a cappella hate speech. Members of the church recall Phelps</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">finest
moments, citing him as </span>“<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">a free spirit</span>”<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">and a </span>“<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">man of true spontaneity.</span>”<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="BodyA" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> </span>“<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">I remember when Fred once, without any notice, took me to
aggressively protest a gay wedding,</span>”<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">says Sally Curtis, age 35. </span>“<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">It was completely out of the blue.
But that was Fred, you know? The kind of man who would spring that sort of
thing on you. One minute you were baking a cake that reads </span>‘<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">God hates you</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">and the
next you were viciously screeching quotes from the Old Testament at a happy gay
couple. It was unbelievable fun.</span>”<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="BodyA" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"> Various celebrities such as Ellen DeGeneres,
Neil Patrick Harris, and Rosie O</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Donnell have voiced their devastation, as well as God
himself, who spoke to his 234,000 Twitter followers immediately after Phelps</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">passing.
</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><br />
</span>“<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Fred Phelps was an important man, one of my only true
worshippers,</span>”<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">said God, age eternal. </span>“<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">He was constantly striving to teach the <i>true </i>message
of the Bible: open hatred and biblical inerrancy.</span>”<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">God continued: </span>“<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">I don</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">t know where all those other groups got the idea of </span>‘<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">love</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">and </span>‘<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">bliss</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">from the Bible. Are you sure we were
reading the same book? I thought my three verses regarding homosexuality as a
sin would be indicative enough of the Bible</span>’<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">s <i>actual</i> meaning.</span>”<span style="font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS';"> </span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="BodyA" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Phelps will not be having a funeral, for the Westboro
Baptist Church is currently very busy planning a luncheon with the KKK and the
Neo-Nazis of America. Phelps lives on through his 54 grandchildren. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>The Grand Budapest Hotel
</i></b><b>Review<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By: Greg
Feiner (Master of Quirk)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Wes Anderson is this generation’s
Martin Scorsese.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Just
kidding. He isn’t this generation’s anybody; he is Wes Anderson. He’s been
dishing out his own unique brand of quirk for nearly two decades, alongside
Bill Murray, the Wilson brothers (Owen and Luke), and a host of other familiar
faces. Almost all of his movies are cult classics, but <i>The Grand Budapest Hotel </i>might be his masterpiece.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
First
of all, I need to address the cast. Though there are only a few major roles in
the movie, there is hardly an actor in any part that you won’t recognize. Here
are just a few of the names: Bill Murray (obviously), Jude Law, Edward Norton, Jeff
Goldblum, Harvey Keitel (briefly), Willem Dafoe, Adrien Brody, Saoirse Ronan,
and Ralph Fiennes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I’m going to
linger on Fiennes for a bit, because he was the heart and soul of this movie.
He plays the hotel’s legendary concierge, M. Gustave, a sweet man who’s good at
his job and has a passion for both romantic poetry and older women. Normally known for his more dramatic roles (like
Voldemort and Amon Goeth from <i>Schindler’s
List</i>), he is hysterically funny, though not at the sake of character depth.
It is truly a delight to watch his performance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Fiennes, and
the rest of the cast, benefit from Anderson’s script, which dishes out a
platter of the playful dialogue, muted humor, and multi-layered plot we’ve come
to expect from him, but with and added bonus: it’s really, really funny. Though
Wes Anderson movies are always amusing, this is his first that has been
laugh-out-loud hilarious.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
There’s
something for everyone in this heartfelt adventure-tale: inventive sets and
costumes, laughs, irreverence, and, most importantly, a fun, engaging
storyline. There is no other way to describe watching <i>The Grand Budapest</i> <i>Hotel</i>
other than pure enjoyment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>100/100<span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<!--EndFragment--><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-89437565045404155072014-03-27T08:45:00.003-07:002014-03-27T08:45:47.373-07:00Issue 119 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 119</u> (March 25, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">SENIOR
STYLE<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
It's fourth quarter which means there are
only so many dress uniform days left. If sporting a senior bow tie isn't on
your bucket list it should be. Or at least go for the maroon sweater vest. Now
is your time to break out of SoCal habits of sloppy dress and bust out some
preppy looks considering that's probably what you'll have to do for the next
four years.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NON
SENIOR FASHION<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
It's Spring in Southern California! Preppy
is for stuck up East Coasters. There's more to life than just looking really
really ridiculously good looking, and that's being casual and comfortable while
doing it. Buy one of the Dungeon bucket hats. They're available in a wide
variety of shades of white and have been spotted on several supermodels
including Jake Dempsey and Dan Forssman.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">A</b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Pristina;">l</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: 'Freestyle Script';">+ER</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: 'French Script MT';">nAT1</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Pristina;">v3<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">L</b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Pristina;">ook5<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Maybe preppy doesn't sound like you and
casual seems boring. Go for an alternative style with the totally indie DU
t-shirt. It's -242% organic hemp, 517.4% bona fide hipster thread and 0% math
because you're such a rebel when you're wearing a shirt that says urinal that
you clearly don't care about percentages or logic. 189% of proceeds go to a
great cause.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">IN
WORLD NEWS<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The Kremlin has responded to US and EU
sanctions and travel bans on top officials and oligarchs with their own set of
sanctions and travel bans on random US politicians. Senator John McCain has
reportedly canceled his Spring Break trip to Moscow with deep sadness and
regret. Asked for comment, Russian president Vladimir Putin stated,
"Luckily I don't have to fly to the US to take over Crimea..." and
"Nana nana boo boo, I'm tougher than you you."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;">A Writing Tip: Avoid Clichés
Like the Plague<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;">By Emily Gao (DU Reliable Source of Articles)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Listen, I'm going to
stop beating around the bush and cut to chase here. You may know names but you
sure as hell don’t know each of their stories. Take my word for it: You've got
to work hard and play hard. Perhaps even play harder than you work. If
you want to make a difference, you’ve got to aim high, dream big, and take a
chance. A life without risk is meaningless. No pain, no gain. No guts, no
glory. It might be a small world after all but its’ a small world full of big opportunities.
You've got to be tough as nails. Carpe diem. Apply yourself, climb the highest
mountain and tell them all to eat my dust! Aim for the stars. More importantly,
follow your heart. </span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Some say that if you
can't beat 'em, join 'em, but I say get a grip, get real. Just say no. Take a
chill pill. Lighten up. Chill out. Bore down. Mellow out. Cool it. Wake up and
smell the coffee, stop and smell the roses. Get with the program. Think big.
Visualize success. Go for the gusto. Grab the gold. Shoot for the moon. Put
your best foot forward, and don’t just be a chip off an ol’ block. I mean, if
you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Make adversity your friend.
Take the good with the bad. Make the best of a bad situation. If you get
knocked down, stand back up. When you’re down and out, pull yourself up by your
bootstraps. Shake it off. Shake a stick. Get back on that horse. Take the bull
by the horns. Keep on trucking. Put your money where your mouth is because,
remember, only the strong survive. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, the early
bird gets the worm. And last but not least, you are a picture that is worth a
thousand words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bottom line here, what
is all comes down to is this: Don’t stop believing. </span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;">--</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Be part of the better
half of the human race- exterminate clichés. </span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;">Thank you.</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">Why Do You Hate Us?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black;">By Chris Halter (DU Scientist)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;">Many of you probably consider cross-country and
track fairly safe as far as sports go, but you’d be wrong. Each day that I run
through La Jolla I’m at risk of injury or death, not because of cardiac arrest,
or tripping a very real threat I must add - but because of the terrorists that
enjoy hunting runners. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Most days the violence
is only verbal, the occasional comment about my short shorts or about how gay
they think we are. Sorry but I wear leopard print shorts because they’re cool
and your ignorant exclamations don’t change that. However, every so often, the
attacks turn violent. Once an innocent Bishop’s girls cross country runner was
viciously mauled by a cat. I’ve heard rumors that Jill Bushman was once hit by
a car. Most recently the terrorists went after one of our young padawans; Big
Bill Worstell - A.K.A Andres - had a cup of soda thrown at him. Luckily his
lightning quick reflexes allowed him to escape the attack physically unscathed
but the psychological damage is irreversible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black; line-height: 115%;">In closing, I not only ask for your prayers in
this fight, but also for a monetary donation that you deem fit. Remember, just
10 cents per-month can help an ostracized runner near you and remember to
compliment a runner the next time you see one, because calling his or her
shorts gay is a homophobic cliché.</span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span style="color: black;"> This is a
message from your local run happy office</span></span><span style="font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-no-proof: no;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-29727362143559699062014-03-27T08:42:00.001-07:002014-03-27T08:42:08.870-07:00Issue 118 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 118</u> (March 24, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">WELCOME BACK!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FOURTH
QUARTER!!! LAST QUARTER!!! POSSIBLY BEST QUARTER??? ONLY YOU DECIDE!!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">GIVE A HEALTHY PAT ON THE
BACK TO THE FOLLOWING GROUPS OF PEOPLE:<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1)
THE BISHOP’S SINGERS: For performing ON THE STAGE OF CARNEGIE HALL and
successfully not getting lost in the Big Apple!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2)
THE MOCK TRIAL TEAM: For competing in the California State Tournament!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3)
THE BISHOP’S GIRLS’ BASKETBALL TEAM: For competing in the California State
Tournament for Basketball and also being CIF Champs in the first place<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4)
THE SENIORS: For embarking on their last quarter at the Bishop’s School and for
dealing with stressful college times and being champs<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5)
EVERYONE ELSE: For having a safe and fun Spring Break and accomplishing various
and sundry achievements!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">LOOK OUT<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For
a future DU Bake-Off! Categories will include Cookies, Cakes and Cupcakes, and
Other Enjoyable Baked Goods.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DU T-SHIRTS!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Twelve
dollars each. Email the DU (thedailyurinal@gmail.com) your name and T-shirt
size to order. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DU MAILING LIST!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Free!
Email the DU from your preferred email to get the DU electronically delivered
every day to said email.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">LYRICS QUIZ<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s
make sure we get the rebound<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Cause
when we get it <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then
the crowd will go wild<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A
second chance, gotta grab it and go<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe
this time we’ll hit the right notes<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
(apologies
for the excessively cheery sidebar)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">Why I’m Hesitant to “Ban Bossy”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black;">By: Nessa Garcia (DU Feminist and Current Events
Specialist)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span>When the “Ban Bossy”
movement launched, my Facebook newsfeed was suddenly clogged with liberal
outlets posting the campaign video. Since I delibera(l)tely (sorry) follow
these outlets and had started seeing friends also share the video, I decided to
watch it and investigate the cause, though I already had an inkling of what it
would be about. Feminist instincts, I suppose. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Anyway, the video is pretty short, but it’s
chalk full of female leaders listing off synonyms of the word “bossy,” such as
“pushy” and “stubborn,” and then their two cents on why we shouldn’t call
females these adjectives anymore. By the time Beyoncé majestically ends the
video with “I’m not bossy. I’m the boss.,” I was expecting myself to jump to my
feet and applaud vigorously, but I didn’t. In fact, I sat there, wondering
about the bad taste in my mouth. Truth be told, I didn’t agree with how the
campaign presented itself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Take me, for example, because I’d rather speak
from my perspective than falsely represent anyone else’s. Let’s rewind to the 6<sup>th</sup>
grade, shall we? I am stubborn. Surely, it depends on whom I’m interacting
with, but for the most part, I am stubborn. Now, let’s just say I get in an
argument with my brother about whose turn it is to play Runescape and I refuse
to accept anything he says because, well, I am stubborn. My parents,
overhearing us argue, call me out and you know what they tell me? They tell me
I am too stubborn. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Because I had never been checked before on that
trait, I was suddenly aware of how I was acting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, I don’t remember what my brother and I were
actually arguing about (though Runescape playing time is definitely a
possibility), but I do remember being scolded. While change wasn’t immediate, I
soon learned to adopt a more open-minded, granting mentality when having
discussions with those who didn’t share my perspective. Yes, I will still stand
my ground when I believe in something, but I’m not obstinate, or any other
synonym of that troubling quality. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The result? It has made me understand what
makes a good leader. It has <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">made</i> me a
good leader. If my parents had been banned to tell me when I was being too
stubborn, too pushy, or god forbid, too bossy, simply because I happened to be
a female, I would probably be unreasonable, inflexible, and disliked. How does
this help females achieve equality in any setting?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By all means, I am for the underlying cause of
the movement, which is to challenge society’s perception and treatment of women
taking charge; this is definitely a valid mission. Yet, the presentation of the
movement, which urges people to “ban” certain words—“ban” being a verb that is
absolute and unconditional—is not the way to help women succeed. Rather, it
will hinder women’s chances of becoming the most successful leaders, for
adapting to honest and earnest critique is how individuals become great CEOs,
captains, commanders, bosses, directors, and Presidents. If a certain critique
is prohibited from being made, even in cases where it is completely
justifiable, then those who remain ignorant of themselves are the disadvantaged
on<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a>es. <span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-42351733444986165592014-03-09T12:53:00.006-07:002014-03-09T12:53:50.317-07:00Issue 117 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 117</u> (March 7, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 36.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">SPRING<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 36.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">BREAK<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 36.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">(I
USE THIS FONT TO FILL THE SPACE AND !!'s WILL DO THE REST)!!!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 36.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">TIME FOR SPRING BREAK<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">By Matt Healey (DU
Leader)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">Today is the last day
before Spring Break and people have already checked out of school mode and into
vacation mode. This appears in many different forms. Some may stop doing their
homework. Others may start talking about what vacations they're going on. A DU
leader might use 36 point bold font or double spacing to fill up an article
because zir staff members have also checked out. To further fill up space that
DU leader may write a list instead of a real article. On an unrelated note,
here's a list of top Spring Break travel destinations:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
</div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">Muzaffarabad, Pakistan. If the Muzaffarabad part of the
name worried you, I'm sure the Pakistan part calmed you down. This city
boasts a literacy rate of well over 60% and receives plenty of global
attention as it lies in the desirable Kashmir region between India and
Pakistan. With a name like Muzaffarabad, you can't help but forget the
high murder rate and organized crime.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">Detroit, Michigan. City slogan: "<i>former</i> murder capital of the United
States."<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">San Pedro Sula, Honduras. Two time murder capital of the
world and going strong.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">Sana'a, Yemen. Guaranteed not to be crowded as the
political instability and rampant terror attacks have prompted city
officials to advise citizens to leave while planes still fly here.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;">Cleveland, Ohio. At least they're not any of these other
places.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-62173700204106965292014-03-09T12:51:00.003-07:002014-03-09T12:51:45.380-07:00Issue 116 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 116</u> (March 6, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Why hasn’t Putin Seized Control of
Crimea Yet?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
There’s
no need for Russian.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">A man goes to
the doctor with a carrot up his nose...</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background-color: #fafafa; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222;">He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his
ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor
says, "Well, you're not eating right."</span><span style="color: #222222;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
-Joke
creds to Tommy Higginson<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>PDG Concert<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Go
see the PDG show <i>…within walking
distance…</i> today, tomorrow and
Saturday. I can’t wait to see them tessellate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>DU T-Shirts<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
shirts are $12. Email us your size at <a href="mailto:thedailyurinal@gmail.com">thedailyurinal@gmail.com</a>,
and we will get your order to you in fourth quarter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>What do you do with epilectic
lettuce?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Make
a seizure salad.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
-Joke
creds to Caroline Thomas<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Molly Martinek<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Martinek
Submissions are due to your English teacher or Mr. Mulgrew today, so if you
wanted to submit, but haven’t written anything, it’s too late for you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i>Gravity<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
7
FRICKING OSCARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
get the technical awards, but BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY?!?!?! BEST DIRECTOR?!?!?!
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Intentional Memory Loss<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Scientists
can now zap unpleasant memories out of existence.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Dedication<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
We
would like to dedicate all of the typos in this issue to MR. Kentt Heartmann.
xoxo<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>The Best
Things to Watch on Netflix Right Now<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
By: Greg Feiner (Has Stage 5 Senioritis)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
As
I’m sure you’re all aware, second semester, while a time for underclassmen to
burn the candle at both ends, is a golden time of procrastination for seniors.
However, much time seniors spend not doing their homwork is all too often
wasted on silly internet videos, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and other
senseless timesucks, instead of something more culturally enriching. Like
Netflix.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Here
are some titles available for instant streaming on Netflix that might help you
plan your last two weekday evenings of the quarter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><i>Submarine</i>-
This independent British film (something I <i>would</i>, recommend, right?), is about the coming-of-age of a
charming Welsh boy named Oliver Tate. It features sharp, witty dialogue
and original songs by Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys.<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><i>John Mulaney: New In Town</i>- Watching this stand-up special was one of the
funniest hours I’ve ever experienced. A perfect pick-me-up for
end-of-the-quarter assesments.<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><i>House of Cards</i>- If you’re not watching this show, you should be. It’s f***ing
insane.<i><o:p></o:p></i></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><i>Dexter</i>
“Season 8”- Just kidding, don’t watch this.<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><i>In Bruges</i>-
Not for the faint of heart, but an enthralling blacker-than-black comedy.
Very smart, very funny, kind of messed up, but grade-A cinema.<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><i>Clerks</i>-
Kevin Smith’s first and best movie. Really funny, downright ridiculous
dialogue. Great way to kill 90 minutes.<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><i>In the Loop</i>- Great British/American political comedy. Razor-sharp dialogue,
and biting political satire. Also, features Peter Capaldi, the 12<sup>th</sup>
Doctor, as a foul-mouthed Scotsman.<o:p></o:p></li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>What I Wish
They Found In Yanukovych’s Estate<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By: Chris Halter
(Our Eye on the World)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych fled the
Ukraine after signing a peace deal with anti-government protesters. Once
exiled, the Ukrainian public had the opportunity to explore their ousted
leader’s 140 hectare estate, and what they found was astonishing: a golf
course, a zoo, hundreds of expensive cars, a pirate ship, and much, much more.
As much as I enjoyed reading about the absurdity of his estate I compiled a
list of five things I wish they had found. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Every season of <i>Dora the Explorer</i>: because what is
funnier than a iron fisted leader who is into children’s television. <o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">A huge collection of pornography: it was funny when we
realized Bin Laden was a porn addict, but a civilized world leader owning
a huge collection of pornography... classic. <o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">A giant portrait of Vladimir Putin: If there was a huge
portrait of good ol’ Vlad—preferably a shirtless one with Bears—it would
certainly raise questions about any special trips Putin made to the
Ukraine. <o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">A library of self-help books: the irony of a corrupt
leader trying to better understand his emotions would be too much to bear.
<o:p></o:p></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">A pillow
person: You know those pillows shaped like a person in a spooning
position, one of those kind of pillows because after all, money can’t buy
love. <span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
</div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-49640857793001563862014-03-09T12:49:00.001-07:002014-03-09T12:49:20.214-07:00Issue 115 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 115</u> (March 5, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>SPORTS<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
First, the debut of phenom Thomas
Higginson in his first ever JV Tennis match. Today, after school at 3:30. It
will be legendary.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Then, at 7:00, the moment you have all
been waiting for. Girls Basketball Semifinals vs LCC. At home in Eva May Square
Garden. This is the last home basketball game in the brief wondrous life of the
2014 Dungeon Turn Up Squad, and it’s a good one. The lady ballers are charging
straight into a big CIF Finals game Saturday at USD, so come out and join their
legendary championship run. This game is a WHITE OUT, so you know what to do.
You’re not going to remember that homework you did on a Wednesday night a month
from now, but you sure as hell will remember that tight game that you went to
that was off the hyphy charts. Stay in school, don’t do drugs, eat your veggies,
and go to the Girls Bball game tonight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>Dungeon
Spring Line<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Get ready for some fresh attire that will
shock the fashion world. Coming in soon to a hyph vender near you are some
super tight Dungeon Baseball tees and a limited edition order of customized
Dungeon Bucket Hats. We have a big shipment coming in over spring break, but
contact us now to reserve your spot in line. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>PDG <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Go to the PDG concert Thursday, Friday, or
Saturday. It is an amazing show put on by an amazing group of people,
especially the seniors, and you’d be missing out on an awesome experience if
you didn’t go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>From
the Daily Bulletin<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="normal">
8<sup>th</sup> grade girls – If
you missed Mindfulness class yesterday during period X, go to make up class
today in Mr. Rybak’s room (B-2b) during enrichment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal">
<b>Lyrics of the Day<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="normal">
You can’t hold hands when they
make fists<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal">
And I ain’t the first to say
this<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="normal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="normal">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div class="normal">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Bishop’s Legend: Dr. Hennessey</b> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By:
Emily Gao<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
History has the stigma of being
a dull subject. Some argue that it’s too outdated. However, Faulkner fanatic
Dr. Hennessey counters that whoever believes this “just didn’t have a good
history teacher.” I had a grand old time sitting down with Dr. H herself and
talking to her about her past, present and future. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Afte<i>r 35 </i>years of teaching, I asked Dr. Hennessey to reflect back on
her own high school days.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Number
one, I went to a segregated school. The Warren Arkansas school system didn’t
start integrating till after I graduated. I saw the white colored drinking fountains.
What’s really weird is that I didn’t really think about it. That’s the way
things were. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
was one of the good kids.... it was a small town, so if you did anything, your
parents would hear about it, so I studied and read and all. I ended up
getting to work in the principal's office. That was a good kid thing. I
remember being in there as a junior and watching our tattered textbooks being
shipped off to the black schools and thinking, ‘there’s something wrong with
this’.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Any worries about teaching for too long?</b> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I
don’t want to be around when people are saying ‘she’s still here?’ I always
said that when one my kids came through I’d retire. But it has already
happened! When grandchildren come in, perhaps that’ll be the cue to stop.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b>Dr. H’s
first job at Bishop’s was teaching ninth graders. Little did she know how
stealthy they could be. </b><br />
“One of the classes I taught was the best class I
ever had. Then I had this other class...they were out of control. I had no idea
about discipline. I taught in lower Cummins, you know those classrooms? One
day, a couple of boys were sneaking out through the brush and leaving class!
Finally one of the girls asked,<i> ‘You do know that Bill and Joe are sneaking
out of class right?’</i> One year I tried teaching eighth grade. It was a total
disaster. They’re too squirrely!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I’m a supernatural geek, so I had to ask her what her ideal superpower
would be.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Scary stuff. X-ray Vision! Mind reading! Actually, I wouldn’t
want one. I acknowledge the possibilities, but there’s too much responsibility.
Would I use it for good or evil? I’ll just pass.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The best teaching advice she’s ever heard?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“To follow my instincts in the classroom. So I do that. I just
have fun doing it, and when I don’t, I’ll quit doing it.”<span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-3698579155616339522014-03-09T12:45:00.003-07:002014-03-09T12:45:20.007-07:00Issue 114 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 114</u> (March 4, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="background: white; font-size: 36.0pt;">TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></b><span style="font-size: 9.5pt;"><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><o:p> <b><u>Articles</u></b></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><o:p><b><u><br /></u></b></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Things to Know About Pharrell Williams<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By: Nessa Garcia<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pharrell Williams finally
seems to be getting the recognition he deserves. A spunky 40-year old who really
looks 25 (Google him—this is 100% accurate), Pharrell has been dabbling in all
parts of today’s music industry. Last summer, he was responsible for and
participatory in the top two songs of the season, as he is both a producer and
an artist. Yet, Pharrell has even made a reputation for himself in the film
industry. At the Oscars, he performed a song that he wrote for <i>Despicable Me 2</i>, and the song was
nominated for Most Original Song. But, before I bore you with any more facts
that you could easily find yourself, here’s a fangirl list of things that I
think you should know about this unique figure in pop culture:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">His
style is <i>legendary</i>. You may think
this is an insignificant detail, but Pharrell truly stands out from the rest.
Most recently, he has sported a ridiculously-tall, brown Buffalo hat that he
has shamelessly worn to both the Grammy’s and the Oscar’s. Already, there is a
Twitter account for this hat with 22k followers. And yes, I do mean for the
hat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">He
named his son Rocket Man Williams. For any other celebrity we would have
scoffed, but it’s okay because he’s Pharrell Williams. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">His
next upcoming album, entitled <i>G I R L</i>,
is dedicated to women…in a good way. To be honest, I haven’t listened to it
because it hasn’t dropped yet, but it’s most likely about his appreciation.
Disclaimer: I mean all kinds of appreciation towards women. This is a pop
album, people. Think Beyoncé feminism. Think Partition (NSFW, though). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">He
started a company called <i>i am OTHER</i>.
Essentially, it just celebrates how weird we are, because we are all pretty
weird. Seriously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Throughout
all of this, he has done random collabs with Louis Vuitton and exhibitionist
artists to make pretty and artsy things. Just ‘cause he felt like it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><o:p>
</o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, now you know! Hopefully,
with this brief collection of my favorite things about Pharrell you can take
more interest in what he does later on, because right now, it’s only upwards
for him. Long live Skateboard P.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>A Mankey on
a Typewriter<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
By: Austin Quinn<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Probability
states that a monkey sitting at a typewriter, pecking away at the keys for an
infinite amount of time, will eventually produce all of Shakespeare’s plays.
Unlikely, but possible. Now imagine seventy thousand people playing <i>Pokemon Red Version</i>, one button at a
time, and you have a real-life equivalent to the infinite monkey theorem.
Except all seventy thousand struggle and bicker to control the same typewriter.
Welcome to “Twitch Plays Pokemon.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
This
social phenomenon, started by an anonymous Australian programmer, manages to
interpret thousands of chat comments per minute from viewers around the world
as they watch the game streamed live on Twitch. Viewers type simple commands
such as “left,” or “right,” and the player character, acting in real time, will
take a step in that direction. With such a massive quantity of chat inputs, the
player character spasms about in chaotic, random movement, constantly checking
his team and inventory while stumbling into walls and over ledges. Fitting how
"Twitch" hosts the stream.<br />
One would not expect the
game to progress very far, as thousands of players must coordinate their
actions to achieve simple goals. Cutting down a tree took six hours. Passing
the dreaded ledge took twenty-six. Somehow, with sheer determination and
relentless perseverance, the character has actually made it to Victory Road.
Praise the Helix.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
What
makes this social experiment such an enthralling, hilarious event worthy of the
devotion and attention of thousands of viewers? Simply put, the community. The
unpredictable hivemind – as the players have been deemed – have transcribed
their bizarre journey into an epic tale through fan art, gifs, memes. In a way,
the stream has become more of a television series than a game. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Like
American Idol or Biggest Loser or similar shows which allow the audience to
vote for their favorites, Twitch Plays Pokemon has managed to involve its
audience in a critical way. The viewer feels significant, and even the smallest
action - pressing A, for example - makes the viewer feel included. They feel
like they play a role in the evolving story, as their favorite characters -
Bird Jesus, All Terrain Venomoth, the Fonz, Air Jordan, Double A Jay, and of
course our Lord and Savior the Helix - progress and defeat new challenges. Like
many denizens of the internet, this community adores inside jokes and
nonsensical memes. Praise the Helix. <o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-37466940332672001162014-03-09T12:42:00.004-07:002014-03-09T12:42:58.408-07:00Issue 113 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 113</u> (March 3, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Winning!</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bishop’s
Mock Trial reclaimed the Country Championship on Saturday, beating out 25 other
teams in the tournament. They ran San Diego, and took it to the (no longer)
reigning champs Torrey Pines in the finals to bring the gold back to Bishop’s.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Free Dress!?!?!?</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite
the hours of practice the Mock Trial team has put in since September, and the
hours of competing they have put in over the past ten days, the team is still
not allowed to have free dress on a dress day. Our uniform takes priority over
everything.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Winning! Part 2!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Girls
Wopo balled up like no other on Saturday, with Hurricane CIF raging overhead.
In an instant classic, the ladies squashed La Jolla High in the Battle of
Bunker Jill on Whipple Hill. Confirming the biblical prophecies, they ran LJ on
water, and completed the 4peat in style. Major props!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Quote of the day<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The
Illuminati stole my homework, so yeah. Don’t worry, I’m on it.” – Tommy
“tennis” Higginson<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Horrible pun of the day</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What
do you call a dried grape on the ceiling?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Raisin
the roof!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Ninety-nine</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Spongebob CLUB!? Illuminati!?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By: Dr. Esq. Mr. Prof. Sr.
Thomas Higginson<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Nearly all of Bishop’s has been covered with
signs of the illuminati. I, Thomas “Tennis” Higginson, will not be a bystander
of the impending takeover, so I have begun tracking down suspects and making
connections. My investigations led me to an interview with president of
Spongebob Club, Dan Martin, and its biggest cult follower, Marion “Nancy”
Beacham.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Incredibly, I was given a chance to sit in on
the club experience--with the two other attendees. It was intriguing and often
left me pondering what it meant to be a mammal, but nonetheless full of comedic
value and excitement. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Not just anyone can form a club of these
proportions, so I asked President Martin, “What prompted you to found Spongebob
Club?” His response was delayed and well thought out, almost as if the
Illuminati were feeding him the response--he said, “One day, when I woke up, I
felt a lack of something. A lack of Spongebob,” and, in addition, he agreed
when I interjected, “Or lack of this simple, yet elegant humor?” A phrase only
the Illuminati would agree upon. This is when my initial suspicions began to
assemble. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Enthralled, that I was onto something, I knew
that Martin couldn’t be the only Illuminati spy, so I directed my next question
towards Marion: “What makes you such a staunch supporter of Spongebob Club?”
She responded instantaneously, as if she read my mind, and answered, “Well, I
find a parallel between Spongebob and myself because we’re both kind of
psychotic. So, without him, it’s kind of hard to live.” I asked her, then, if
she enjoyed the insanity, and she firmly agreed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Though I had discovered their secret, they
hadn’t yet understood I had. Thus, I continued my interview nonchalantly;
trying to not give myself away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yearning to know if there were any rituals to
properly enjoying each episode, I asked them to discuss. Marion said that “it’s
[their] two-handed tennis. You could call it two-eyed watching.” Dan agreed and
added that “it’s also good to think of yourself as Spongebob.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Now that it was becoming more personal, I
asked them to choose a favorite episode.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Interestingly, Dan explained that it’s like
trying to pick your favorite child (Idk how he knows this) in that you can make
a choice, but it would be unfair to the rest, because you love them all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Nonetheless, they both agreed that seasons 1-3
should be considered one episode, which is better than seasons 4-9. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Eventually, the interview had to come to a
close, so we said our goodbyes and wiped our tears. If you too want to have a
next level experience, Spongebob Club is every Monday in the ground level
library classroom after school. All of you should make it out at least once!
Peace.<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: no;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-45314810478403788732014-03-09T12:41:00.003-07:002014-03-09T12:41:26.468-07:00Issue 112 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 112</u> (February 28, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Coffee In Da House<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coffee
House tonight at 5:30 pm in the Middle School meeting room! Can ADub get a heck
yeah! We sure hope so! Come to Coffee House. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>EXTREMELY IMPORTANT SPORTS
THING!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tomorrow
is Girls’ Basketball’s officially unofficial and unofficially official Senior
Night AND their CIF Quarter Final against Horizon! It’s at 7:00 and is <b><i><u>MANDATORY.
</u></i></b>The Dungeon will be there with Hawaiian shirts and competitive
zeal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Committed to Something
Approaching Almost Excellence<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Colin
would like everyone to know that he has done three years of Bishop’s Squash and
two days of yoga. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Announcement from Dylan
DeWaart<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Walk
for Water this Sunday from 10 am to 4 pm at Tecolote Shores Mission Bay! 3
hours of community service, free food, and free entertainment. Registration is
$20 (which will go towards funding water projects in Africa). Have fun while
preventing disease, empowering women, and saving the world!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>DU T-SHIRTS<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are
super cool and for super cool kids only and cost only $12! Profits go towards
printing the end-of-year compilation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Oscars<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are
on March 2<sup>nd</sup>! Sidebar filled!<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Winter Olympics: Final Report Card</b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By: Chris Halter (Team USA)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span>The winter Olympics have officially ended and to
go along with my article last week here is the report card for the closing
ceremony and the 3 countries with the most medals. Let the judgement begin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Closing Ceremony:</b><b> </b><span style="font-size: x-large;">A </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The closing ceremony was actually quite nice. As per usual the
bulk of the ceremony was taken up by more Russian propaganda, but I think we
were all surprised by the self-deprecating humor the Russians employed in the
ceremony - who knew Putin would be so quick to make light of the mistake in the
opening ceremony. The look ahead to the next winter Olympics - taking place in
South Korea - was also quite interesting. The show stopper - and the
thing that made this grade possible - was the unbelievable fireworks/ light
show that capped the ceremonies; I was really impressed with the closing
ceremonies and they left me with a warm feeling in my heart. Thank you Russia. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Athletics: 1st Place, Russia: <span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></b><span style="font-size: x-large;">A- </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Although the Olympics bring out fierce nationalism within me -
it can sometimes result in cheering against certain nations... - I have to
admit that the Russians had an incredible performance. They excelled in a
multitude of events and although one can speculate that Putin threatened to
send athletes who didn’t medal to Siberia the Ruskis put on a great show for their
home crowd. They lost points though for their embarrassing performance in men’s
Ice Hockey and for the supposed shenanigans in the figure skating judging.
Unfortunately, I must swallow my patriotism and pride to congratulate the
Russian team on a incredible performance. <br />
<b>Athletics: 2nd Place, United States: </b><span style="font-size: x-large;">B+ </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I give this B+ with a heavy heart; the Americans were set up
to do incredibly well in this winter olympics but there were too many areas of
catastrophic failure. Shaun White’s meltdown in the half-pipe was enough by
itself to bring this grade down to an B, but luckily American domination in the
new freestyle events salvaged a decent grade. Speed skating was another huge
disappointment and I would rather not speak about either of our ice hockey teams’
performances. Highlights include women’s skeleton, men’s bobsled, and pretty
much every freestyle skiing event. The most depressing thing about this Olympics was how all the commercials featured athletes favored to win medals
and hardly any of them did. My advice to team USA, shake it off, the real
Olympics are in Rio anyways. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Athletics: 3rd Place, Norway</b><b>:<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></b><span style="font-size: x-large;">IDC+</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s the Norwegians, good for them but I couldn't honestly care less. <span style="font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-no-proof: no;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-59821398805789091092014-03-06T13:06:00.001-08:002014-03-06T13:06:38.586-08:00Issue 111 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 111</u> (February 27, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Big Wednesday Recap<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Girls Wopo turned up big time
yesterday, picking up the Semifinal W against Cathedral. The numbers say that
they will run LJ on Saturday at 5pm in a huge matchup against crosstown rivals <s>Grom
Central</s> La Jolla High, as our girls look to once again be CIF Champions and
complete the legendary 4peat. Don’t let CIF’s ridiculous $7 + entrance fees
phase you. At least they’re better than College Board. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Guys Bball season came to
a close last night, marking the end of one of the more legendary eras in
recorded Eva May history. Big shout out to Matt Lizanich and Jake Dempsey for
doing it big for the Knights day in and day out for the past four years. We’ll
miss our weekly dose of buckets.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ladies Bball is still alive
and well. Friday night is their official unofficial senior night, and it’s
shaping up to be one of the hyphiest games of the year, rivaling even the
Dungeon Costume Party. Friday will be known by us Bishopians, and later by epic
historians, as Aloha Friday, the day that Hawaii hit La Jolla in full style.
You can go tourist or you can go native, but make sure that I don’t see any
yoga pants. Eva May better look like the set of Lilo and Stitch 2. Make her
proud. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">PS</b> Coffee
House is on Friday at 5:30, and is in no way a legitimate excuse for not
attending Friday’s basketball game. Do some spoken word, and then get hyphy all
you artsy people. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b><u>Articles</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<div class="Body">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Oscar Predictions<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">By: Matthew
Kerr<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Best Actor in a Leading Role: </span></b><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who should win: <b>Matthew
McConaughey</b>, </span><i><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Dallas Buyers Club</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who will win: <b>Adam Sandler</b>, <i>Grown
Ups 2</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">McConaughey demonstrated unnerving
frailty and emotional complexity in his stunning transformation into the
AIDS-diagnosed Ron Woodroof. However, the Academy has always possessed a major,
unfair bias for fart jokes and humor regarding deer urine. Adam Sandler </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">portrays the ultimate depth in
realism of humanity with nuance, grace, and subtlety</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">- <i>Rolling Stone</i>. He has this
one in the bag.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Best Actress in a Leading Role:</span></b><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who should win: </span><b><span lang="IT" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Cate Blanchett</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">, <i>Blue Jasmine</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who will win: <b>Avril Lavigne</b>, <i>the
music video for her song </i></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span></i><i><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Girlfriend</span></i><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span></i><i> </i><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">that came out in
2007</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">While Cate Blanchett delivered a
layered, powerhouse performance as the anxiety-stricken Jasmine, Avril Lavigne
has proved herself to be the most relevant celebrity of our generation.
Everywhere you go: </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Did you
hear about what Avril Lavigne did?</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">In the music video for </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span lang="ES-TRAD" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Girlfriend,</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">said to be the greatest song of all time, she </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">channels legendary actresses such as
Bette Davis and Audrey Hepburn, and proves to be better than both of them
combined.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">-<i>Vanity
Fair</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Best Director: </span></b><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who should win: <b>Alfonso Cu</b></span><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">á</span></b><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">ron</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">,
<i>Gravity</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who will win: <i>Everybody involved
on the show </i></span><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span></i><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Pretty
Little Liars</span></i><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Alfonso Cu</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">á</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">ron brought new and inventive
technology to the production of <i>Gravity,</i> presenting audiences a visually
spectacular thrill ride with heart. But the people involved on ABC Family</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">s <i>Pretty
Little Liars </i>deliver nothing short of masterful suspense week after week. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">It has been like four years and we
still don</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">t know who the f*** </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">‘</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">A</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">is,</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">says acclaimed actor Daniel Day Lewis. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">That</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">s
awesome.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Best Original Screenplay: </span></b><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who should win: </span><b><span lang="DE" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Spike Jonze</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">, <i>Her</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Who will win: <b><i>Kim Kardashian</i></b><i>,
Every Tweet on Her Account @KimKardashian</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span lang="DE" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Spike Jonzes</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span lang="FR"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">screenplay for Her was a wonderfully written piece that
took an fresh, in-depth look at modern love. However, it is obvious here that
the masterful Kim Kardashian proves to be the more advanced writer in her
tweets, which often regard clothing, frozen yogurt and how hard it is to get
out of bed sometimes. In the twitterverse, Kim presents relatable and
fascinating poetry day after day. It is clear who the Academy will pick to win
that golden statue on March 1st. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Best Picture: </span></b><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">What should win: <i>12 Years a Slave</i></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">What will win: <i>The 1998
shot-for-shot remake of Alfred Hitchcock</i></span><i><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span></i><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">s </span></i><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">‘</span></i><i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Psycho</span></i><i><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">12 Years a Slave was considered a
masterpiece that focused on themes such as endurance, suffering, and loss with
such power and grit. Unfortunately, it won</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">t win
though, because the Academy hates incredibly-acted period dramas. This time,
the Vince Vaughn starred remake of Psycho that came out sixteen years ago has
stunned audiences, and will therefore win the gold. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">It</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">s
literally the exact same thing as the unforgettable 1960 horror film Psycho,</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">says <i>Entertainment Weekly</i>. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">“</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Why wouldn</span><span lang="FR" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">’</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">t we
want more of that, in color, with B-level actors?</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">”</span> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">This race is shaping up to be a tight
one. Tune in March 1st to see who will really take home the top prizes. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-79659161926570254302014-03-06T13:05:00.005-08:002014-03-06T13:05:50.504-08:00Issue 110 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 110</u> (February 26, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">BIG WEDNESDAY<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Boys Basketball
and Girls Water Polo both have games. 5:45 wopo, 7:00 bbal. Turn up, in regard
to both spirit and attendance. #hyphy #protectevamay<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">2024 Olypmpics<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Come on Olympic
Committee, pick San Diego. Sochi didn’t even have transparent tap-water or safe
buildings and you chose them. Make the right choice this time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DU T-Shirts<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
We
are selling t-shirts with the DU logo on them as a fundraiser for our
end-of-the-year compilation. The shirts are $12. Email us your size and we will
give you your order at school expecting your $12.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">COFFEE HOUSE!!!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Come
see all of your friends’ hidden and not-so-hidden talents this Friday at 5:30
in a location somewhere around the theater. The sign-up sheet is on the theater
callboard. Steve Hinshaw is making a guest appearance. Even if that’s a lie,
are you prepared to miss out on it if it’s true?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Russia<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
In
a shocking turn of events, Vladimir Putin has been revealed to be the head of
the Russian Mafia; which just so happens to be the same organization as the
Russian Government. How convenient.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Tommy Higginson’s Quote of the Day<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">"Your
papers each had the potential to be good—like how all runners at the start of a
400-yard dash have a chance of winning. The thing is that when I fired the
starter pistol, a huge sinkhole opened up under the track and ate all of
you." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">- Adam O. Davis</span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
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<!--[endif]--><span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span lang="ES">Oscar Predictions<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="ES">By: Greg Feiner (Expert
Space-Filler)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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The Oscars are this coming Sunday, and naturally
you’re probably wondering what exactly the nominees are. Well, lucky for you,
not only have I listed all of the nominees in all of the categories that you
most likely care about (the technical categories are omitted), I have included
my own unsolicited opinions on who should win (<b>SW</b>) and will win (<b>WW</b>)
all of the awards (as the two often don’t coincide). Hopefully you agree with
me, and if you don’t, whatever.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If <i>Gravity</i> wins an award from any
of these categories, I will be more than a little unhappy.<span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-25922358024858524922014-03-05T14:47:00.006-08:002014-03-05T14:47:48.141-08:00Issue 109 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 109</u> (February 25, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">HAPPY
TUESDAY</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
"At least it's not a Monday" -
the official logo of Tuesdays.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">BROUGHT
TO YOU IN PART BY GAMECUBE<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The official game console of Tuesdays.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">WITH
CLOSE CAPTIONING BY SUNTORI TIMES</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The official Japanese beverage of
Tuesdays. "For relaxing times, make it Suntori Times."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">PROPOSED
DEFENSE SPENDING CUTS<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel is
proposing major cuts to defense spending in the coming years as well as
significantly shrinking the army. Officially, Hagel suggested that we slash the
budget from one hundred gazillion dollars to a measely bazillion dollars over
the next thousand years. Half the country is of course up in arms about the
proposed cuts and have already begun throwing communist and Illuminati
accusations.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">MIDTERM
ELECTIONS NEAR<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
And Congress has officially vowed to try
their hardest to do nothing this session to ensure a peaceful election season.
After 58 years, Congressman John Dingell has finally lost his patience and
retired.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">UPDATES
ON UKRAINE<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Something happene and then something else
happened and then RIOTS WOOT WOOT and the EVIL DICTATOR WORKING FOR MOTHER
RUSSIA AND FATHER PUTIN RAN AWAY and now something's happening so we can all go
back to not caring about Ukraine again until this all repeats itself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
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<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="ES" style="mso-ansi-language: ES;">Siesta (Fiesta)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="ES" style="mso-ansi-language: ES;">By Nessa Garcia (DU Nap-Taker)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span lang="ES" style="mso-ansi-language: ES;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="ES" style="mso-ansi-language: ES;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span>Ever since I’ve started
attending Bishop’s, naps have become extremely dear to me. After school, during
lunch, before school (don’t underestimate bus rides), or whenever else I find
the time, I allow myself to take a nap if I need it. However, after I take
these naps, I usually find myself feeling guilty and judgmental of myself. I
mean, my guilty/judgmental-self accuses, aren’t naps just ways to avoid work? </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Fortunately,
I eventually accepted that naps are not manifestations of laziness, but
actually, very necessary psychological and physical breaks through out the day.
Now, the next step is to institutionalize them on a national level. </div>
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I’m serious. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If
anything, Spain has already been following this system for a number of years.
Naps are not just naps there, but they are “siestas” that shops, restaurants,
and other businesses work around. Sure, it can be seen as a cultural practice,
but I’d argue that it’s just a smart and effective practice worthy of any
nation—especially America. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Technically,
we’ve all been introduced to taking naps in the middle of the day. Then, we had
that necessity ruthlessly snatched from us. Yeah, I’m talking about
kindergarten. Remember the mats? Remember the cool darkness of the room? That
was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">real.</i> Why did we end that?</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
fact, successful companies like Google have already realized this blunder, and
they allow their employees guilt-free naps in little spaceship-like pods,
simply because naps help people work better. Google, being the trailblazer
company that it is, is smart enough to embrace this fact and incorporate it
into the company’s culture, which promotes employee well-being. You go, Google.</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>All
in all, America needs to set aside time for a siesta. Yes, we are praised for
our strong work ethic, but lately, it seems that sleep schedules are shifting
and people are sleeping later. Whether this is because of bright screens or
other modern factors, we need to adapt, because now, tiredness is hindering
that work ethic. With a daily nap, that adaptation is possible. Call me crazy,
but other nations have been doing this for hundreds of years and it’s about
time we start. <a href="" name="_GoBack"></a></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-43458590182329399292014-03-05T14:46:00.000-08:002014-03-05T14:46:06.074-08:00Issue 108 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 108</u> (February 24, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar #1</u></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Airband Results!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
seniors swept the Airband podium this year, winning the bronze, silver, and
gold medals. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Actual Airband Results!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1<sup>st</sup>
place: Juniors<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2<sup>nd</sup>
place: Seniors<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3<sup>rd</sup>
place: Freshmen<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4<sup>th</sup>
place: Sophomores<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5<sup>th</sup>
place: Eighth Grade<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6<sup>th</sup>
place: Sixth Grade<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
7<sup>th</sup>
place: Seventh Grade<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">From Dylan DeWaart<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’re
putting on a Skype video call with high school students in Afghanistan this
Tuesday in the Library from 6:30 to 7:30 pm! Participants will earn community
service hours. Casual dialogue, so come with any burning questions. Pizza and
snacks will be served.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Lyrics Quiz <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He’s
in her heart on the floor<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thinking
that I’ll never know<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll
be up, going through crazy (poop) I did for you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In
my mind, in my head, seeing all the words unsaid <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Honey,
honey, I am never coming home again<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Lyrics Quiz 2<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take
one step left and one step right<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One
to the front and one to the side<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clap
your hand once and clap your hands twice<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And
if it looks like this then you are doing it right <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">BONUS: </b>What do the titles of these
two songs have in common??<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Guy Tzar<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By:
Emily Gao (Queen of the Pun)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black;">I constantly have to
remind myself not to worry about things that are out of my control because if I
do- and I tend to- I lose all my marbles. Every last one. </span><span style="font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black;">Each individual problem
that arises feels like a geyser erupting. When I have one catastrophic problem,
the little guys in my head can just roll a boulder over it. Done. Gone. But
when a lot of these grand scale problems go off, erupt, there’s instant panic
inside my head. It’s a lot of pent up pressure, a lot of turbulent water, a lot
of vision impairing steamvapor. We can’t get rocks to all of these! The people
inside me shout. The shortage of boulders freaks me out. Now what? The little
guys all look at each other, exchanging nervous glances, anxiously pulling at
their own collars trying to find a solution. Any solution. Any boulder. </span><span style="font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black;">But here’s the reality-
Maybe geysers going off isn’t so bad, maybe sometimes you’ve just got to
let them happen. Besides, its scientifically proven that eventually the water
supply will deplete and the geyser system will cool down. That’s not to say
that what you should do is pop open a sprite and watch them all go off at your
mercy but its about making sure you palliate the most beastly of the geysers
and let the other ones be. There measly. Triage the geysers.</span><span style="font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black;">Nobody tells geysers when
to go off, when to erupt, when to stay dormant. They’re out of our control.
However, as sporadic as they can be, there’s beauty in knowing they
go off whenever they please. Nobody’s pressing a button or pulling a string for
Old Faithful. And there’s sincere beauty in that.</span><span style="font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I think that for me, no matter what geysers go off
I just have to remember that I don’t need to get a boulder to ALL of them
or else I’ll expend all my energy trying to do the impossible. Sometimes its
best to let geysers simply do their thang.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Sidebar #2</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">#2SIDEBARRSSSSS<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For
maximum fun!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">IT’S ALMOST SPRING BREAK!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two
weeks to go!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FEBRUARY ENDS THIS WEEK!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
shortest month of the year. We’ll be sad to see it go. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">POETRY QUOTE OF THE DAY:
FROM THE LOVE SONG OF J. ALFRED PRUFROCK, WHICH IS A DARN GOOD POEM<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Shall
I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk along the beach.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
do not think they will sing for me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
have seen them riding seaward on the waves<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Combing
the white hair of the waves blown back <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When
the wind blows the water white and black. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We
have lingered in the chambers of the sea<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By
sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Till
human voices wake us, and we drown.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">FONT OF THE DAY:<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Rockwell;">Rockwell!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Word
of the Day: <br />
</b>kvetch (v): to complain. </div>
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The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-31652462396534317922014-03-05T14:43:00.003-08:002014-03-05T14:43:50.626-08:00Issue 107 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 107</u> (February 21, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mr.
Mecham</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Thank you for helping organize the announcements
basketball game. It was enjoyable for all, and a fantastic venue for our young
and not so young stars to showcase their talent. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Congratulations<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
To the Class of 2014 for bringing home the
Lombardi Trophy again, and to all the single ladies who just put another ring
on it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">TBT<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
In honor of throwback Thursday
(yesterday), I would just like to mention that the Naked Brothers Band was
super sick.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Mock
Trial<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The opening night of the tournament was
last night, and it continues next Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Let Mr. Del
Rio know if you want to attend. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Lol
4 Charity<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Disclaimer: this does not involve laughing
out loud to raise money for charity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<b>Spirit Week Recap<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By: Dan Forssman<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Sophomore girls sleep in
yoga pants.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. No teacher is allowed to
give Uniform Violations for tanks on America day because it infringes on an
individual’s Second Amendment right to bare arms. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. We should have trainers at
the next Power Bowl ready to perform concussion testing in case someone like
Liv gets decked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. Liv got decked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. Everyone went to the
Girls’ Basketball game on Friday night because they are a bunch of ballers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. Ms. Roche does not only
travel off the court. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
7. The seniors exhibited
their years of premiere tugging experience in the annual tug of war
competition. They finished proudly as the inexperienced juniors looked up
shamelessly from the ground. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
8. The Class of 2014 ran
Bishop’s, picking up a key win in the Power Bowl. Sierra chucked up the Duceys
with two touchdown grabs and Cat added another to seal the deal against the
Juniors. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
9. Mr. Beamer got T’d up for
getting too hyphy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">LoL for CHARITY!?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">By: Thomas Higginson (and Brian Kim)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">With two clicks of my mouse, I found
myself amid my comrades on a battlefield wisped with the taunts of my enemies.
A place where charity begets video game skirmishes amongst friends; where I hear
the cries of mine enemies whilst they flee in fear of my spinning axes towards
the warm embrace of their mothers. I’m speaking, of course, about League of
Legends 4 Charity, the first San Diego wide, non-profit, tournament exclusively
for high schoolers. If you’re considering putting down this article because a
computer game is ‘nerdy’, shame on your judgmental self. For I only make it
sound a lot more ‘nerdy’ than it actually is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">
In association with PCI, BK, Christopher Voss, and Nikhil Palanki have
organized this tournament to raise money for PCI’s outright program to India.
This is the first year the tournament was introduced and already the league had
18 teams, or 90 players, signed up to participate; coming from all of the
following high schools: Bishop’s, CCA, Torrey Pines, Cathedral, Mira Mesa,
Calvin Christian, Scripps Ranch, Country Day, and Westview.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">
I’m sure you’re aware of PCI (Project Concern International) and the
amazing charity work they do, and have done (an example being Bishop’s India
trip). However, if you’re anything like I am, then you’re probably looking for
simple ways to get involved and help the community. Fortunately, BK,
Christopher Voss, and Nikhil Palanki have organized a San Diego wide League of
Legends tournament, exclusively for high schoolers. Although you may not play
the computer game, or have even heard of it, you can support the tournament by
going to the live finals held at Grand Del Mar Resort’s Club M on March 9th, or
donating to the tournament because all profits go towards PCI’s outright
program to India. There will be free food, and even give away prizes for lucky
attendees! If your intrigue surpasses more than that is expected, please visit <a href="http://league.gaming4charity.org/"><span style="color: #093aca;">league.gaming4charity.org</span></a>.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">
It’s for a good cause, you’ll meet new people, and it’ll be fun. Don’t
be shy.</span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-60227686934615570822014-02-19T22:45:00.001-08:002014-02-19T22:45:11.979-08:00Issue 106 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 106</u> (February 20, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">DU Fundraiser<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">To
finance the DU’s end-of-the-year compilation, <i>The Daily Urinal</i> will be selling t-shirts with the DU logo on them
for $15 each. Email us your order at <a href="mailto:thedailyurinal@gmail.com">thedailyurinal@gmail.com</a>
and we’ll get it to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">While You’re Emailing Us<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">Why
not submit an article of around 400 words? Think about it; how sick would it be
if we published it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">Reflections<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">Submit
all of your more serious/ artsy writing to <i>Reflections
</i>at <a href="mailto:reflectionslitmagazine@gmail.com">reflectionslitmagazine@gmail.com</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">House
of Cards<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">The
greatest show in the history of television (that isn’t actually on TV) is back
with a vengeance. If you need anymore incentive to watch it, the first episode
of Season 2 will blow your f***ing mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">Frank Underwood Quote of the Day:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">“They
talk, while I imagine their lightly salted faces frying in a skillet.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">Sochi 2014<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">If
you feel bummed when a Russian athlete medals and an American athlete doesn’t,
just think, “well, at least our tap water doesn’t look like apple juice.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">Lyrics Quiz<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";">You
can drive all night, looking for the answers in the pouring rain.Wanna find
peace of mind, looking for the answers.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><b><u>Articles</u></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Sochi Olympics: Putin Party 2014 (Part I)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">By:
Chris Halter (Sports Critic)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">The 22nd Winter Olympics in Russia are winding down and I have
prepared a 3rd quarter report card of sorts for these Olympics - Mr. Putin will
receive his copy in the mail. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<u><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Venue: </span></u><u><o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 30pt;">A-</span><span style="font-size: 36pt;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">These Olympics took place in the Black Sea city of Sochi and
while the weather has been miserable—there is a separate grade for that—I think
the venue was gorgeous. No expense was spared in the construction of the
competition venues and it shows, they are simply gorgeous with my personal
favorite being the ice center. As for the landscape, Sochi has no shortage of
breathtaking mountains and they played a definite role in this well-earned A-.
Points were lost for the cafeteria and athlete accommodations; to spend 51
billion dollars and have people getting locked in bathrooms and elevators is
unacceptable - though I assume Putin punished those responsible accordingly. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<u><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Opening Ceremony: </span></u><u><o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 30pt;">B </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Between the communist propaganda and the huge technical error
with the Olympic rings—the poor guy who designed that probably woke up in a
gulag the next day—I would call the opening ceremony a disappointment. I was
expecting the precision seen in the Beijing opening ceremony but obviously my
expectations were too high. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<u><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Weather: </span></u><u><o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 30pt;">D- </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">The weather has been absolutely awful—and I suspect has also
been responsible for American failures in half-pipe and skiing. The snow is
slushy and most of the venue isn’t even covered with snow at all. Worst of all,
during the day the temperature can reach into the 60’s. Weather was the one
thing beyond Putin’s control—and wallet—but the sad reality is that it has
really put a damper on the Olympics themselves. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Look for a final report card documenting team
performances and the closing ceremonies.</span><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-72728106379124699442014-02-19T22:43:00.003-08:002014-02-19T22:43:55.962-08:00Issue 105 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 105</u> (February 19, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>SPOILER
ALERT <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Did I mention that Leo's articles contain
spoilers? Because it does. I tried to black out all the big surprises (which of
course will only draw your attention to them more), but just don't read this if
you haven't watched House of Cards Season 2 and care about this sort of thing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>Happy
Wednesday<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
AKA Happy Pajama Day<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>Less
Than 100 Days Left<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
According to Adi Chang, we have less than
one hundred days left of school. For Seniors, that means less than one hundred
days before no more Bishop's. So go out and try something new. Explore San
Diego if you're going to be leaving it soon. Make some new friends. Talk to
some old ones. Be happy. Juniors, keep on working.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>Want
to See Farther Without LASIK?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
There's an app for that. No seriously
there's an app that trains users' eyes to see farther. Some have reportedly
been able to hone their vision to 20/7.5<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>Hot
Pocket Recall<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The company has pulled its product from
the shelves because some of the meat contains "diseased and unsound
animals." Comedian Jim Gaffigan now has enough material for another hour
long stand up special.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>Colin's
Opinion on the Olympics<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
"I like the Olympics because I like
seeing unshaven Scandinavian men being excited about personal
achievements." Well we're happy that you're happy Colin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b>Spirit
Week<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Orange, Power Bowl, Flashback Friday,
Airband and Fun Friday<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>House of Cards, Take II<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
By Emperor Leo “Lore”
Li VI<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
SPOILER ALERT. SPOILERS FOR H.O.C. SEASON 2 AHEAD<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Perhaps
some of you blindly frolicked your President’s Day Weekend away with petty
things. Others might have been writing an AP Euro draft. But true Netflix
disciples understood that last Friday began the epic binging of the second
season of House of Cards, which follows Vice President (previously Majority
Whip) Frank Underwood in his quest for supremacy in the hole that is Washington
DC.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Now,
middle school students turn away now; the amount of swearing, nude women, and
symbolism might be too much for you to handle in your still innocent years.
Yes, House of Cards continued its previously breathtaking season with the same
cruelty, political maneuvering, and Kate Mara sex scenes that filled it last
season. It starts just where the last episode ended, with Underwood’s Chief of
Staff and bodyguard waiting for him at home. Events then start to move fast as
Underwood prepares to become VP, which includes housing arrangements and <span style="background: black; mso-highlight: black;">killing Zoe Barnes by shoving her
in front of a train</span> [Information Redacted]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
House
of Cards quickly kills (metaphorically, but mostly literally) any possible
challenges to Frank’s nomination still left from last season, which is a bit
cheap and leaves most plots with extremely abrupt endings. (Spoilers started a
while ago). It instead brings in new characters like Molly Parker’s Jackie
Sharp as the new Whip and new subplots that could never actually happen (an
Entitlement bill passed quickly through Congress, along with that Education
bill from last season).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The
only plot that remained was the billionaire (and main antagonist) Raymond Tusk,
who Underwood fights basically the entire season. Once Native American casinos
and money laundering comes into play, you basically lose the picture until <span style="background: black; mso-highlight: black;">Underwood takes the Presidency
after President Walker resigns.</span> [Information Redacted]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
There
are mini story arcs that include a master hacker enslaved by the FBI, along
with a prostitute who finds the path to Jesus. They’re annoying, mostly because
it constantly removes the focus from the main plot, but they mostly exist to
support and tie up ends (or leave them hanging) of the many plots before. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Hopefully
you’ve finished the season so you can go back to work, but if you haven’t, I’m
sorry (not really) for the spoilers, and hope you have time to watch the show.
By the way, Underwood’s bodyguard got him cufflinks for his birthday, which
show his initials: “F. U.” Basically the entire attitude of the season.<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><a href="" name="_GoBack"></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-12364166695638359502014-02-19T22:42:00.002-08:002014-02-19T22:42:30.582-08:00Issue 104 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 104 </u>(February 18, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>SPIRIT WEEK SIDEBAR<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sponsored
by ASBC and Charmin Ultra<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>SCHEDULE HEYO<br />
</b>TUESDAY:
USA DAY!!!! USA themed free dress and exciting Olympics fun during Enrichment!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
WEDNESDAY:
PAJAMA DAY!!!! Pajama themed free dress, exciting morning surprise, hula hoop
competition during lunch!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
THURSDAY:
POWERBOWL DAY!!!!! (see below information) Odd grades wear black and white,
even grades wear orange!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FRIDAY:
FLASHBACK FRIDAY/AIRBAND!!!! Flashbacks must be from at least a decade ago,
slackers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>PowerBowl Information by Chi
Chi Chang<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b> </b><i>What’s PowerBowl?</i><b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ASBC has decided to change the name
of the traditional girls’ flag football game from “Powder Puff” to “Power
Bowl.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A “powder puff” is traditionally a
soft pad women use to apply make-up. As an adjective, it can also mean
“inconsequential; trifling; lightweight: <i>a
powder-puff company with little financing and a weak saleseffort.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However,
I know when most people hear “powderpuff” they just think of our annual girls’
flag football game. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>“So what’s the
problem, ASBC? Are you calling me a sexist because I use the word powderpuff?”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well,
no. But the word “powder puff” is a remnant of a time when women’s sports were
a joke. Before Title IX, before Mia
Hamm, the Williams sisters, Brittany Griner, the list goes on and on and on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, tradition has its place. But I think we can let go of a name that
suggests “soft, careless femininity” and move forward with a name that better
reflects the game (Powerbowl, Superbowl, eh?) and acknowledges how far women’s
athletics has come.**<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
**Keeping in mind we still have a long way to go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>English Horror Story: Coven <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By:
Colin Garon (Super Scary)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The young man seemed to appear out of nowhere.
A bystander that night would have heard a loud crack, like a gunshot, and then
seen the man, standing erect, his dark hair shimmering in the faint moonlight,
where there had been no man before. In fact, such a bystander, were they
superstitious enough, might suspect that this sudden appearance might be the
work of <i>magic.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The superstitious bystander, of
course, would have been entirely correct. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The man pushed back his
perpetually messy hair. His green eyes flashed with righteous fury and with the
supernatural. A lightning shaped scar sizzled across his manly forehead. He was
The Boy Who Lived, The Boy Who Thought a Lot of Himself in Book Five and Then
Totally Ruined Everything, The Boy Who Was Emotionally Volatile and Generally
Very Relatable. His name was Harry Potter, and he was a wizard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With a second loud crack, a
young woman appeared. She scratched her head, which was covered with bushy
brown hair and filled with intellectual capacity, and then followed her
comrade. She was The Girl Who Also Lived, The Girl Who Knew a Lot of Things and
Wasn’t Afraid to Share Them, The Girl Who Was Also Very Relatable But Often
Took a Back Seat to Harry Potter Even Though She Often Wasn’t As Much of a
Butt. Her name was Hermione, and she was a witch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The two hugged, and then broke
apart awkwardly. Had they gone too far? Or not far enough? J.K. Rowling, about
10 years too late, watched excitedly, hoping that the course of history, which
she herself had written, would change. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Harry, we shouldn’t be doing
this,” Hermione murmured. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I do whatever I want,” Harry
replied, an edge of magic entering his voice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Harry, we’re both married. I’m
married to Ron, The Boy Who Additionally Lived, The Boy Who Took a Backseat to
You in Every Major Plot, The Boy Who Was Fairly Incompetent but Endearingly So.
And you’re married to Ginny, The Girl Who Lived As Well, The Girl Who Seemed
Like a Good Match in the Books but Who Was Disappointing in the Films, The Girl
Who is Related To Your Best Friend, Whom I Happen to Be Married To.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Gosh golly,” Harry exclaimed,
the tip of his wand catching fire. “You’re right, Hermione!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I know I am,” Hermione replied,
a familiar know-it-all grin sliding smoothly across her magical witch face.
“Pointus Provius!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With that, the argument ended.
Harry and Hermione remained platonic. J.K. Rowling breathed a disappointed,
fangirlish sigh. “Romancius Manufacturus!” she cried desperately. But the charm
slid awkwardly from her Mugglish lips. She watched, a single tear sliding down
her cheek, as Harry and Hermione shared some witty banter and an intense emotional
moment, all built off of a foundation of platonic trust and appreciation. She
yowled in distress as Harry and Hermione worked together to capture a wayward
villain, and then did nothing more than high-five at the end. She tore out
large tufts of hair as Harry and Hermione returned happily to their respective
families. “Plottius Reverso!” she cried. “Marriageus Destructo! Accio Power
Over Harry’s Romantic Future!” Her cries were in vain. She was powerless,
alone, distraught. The camera zoomed in on her face as she let out a final
screech of despair. Her characters, her children, whom she had meticulously
created with specific futures in mind, couldn’t simply change their very
natures at the drop of a hat and drastically alter the plot of her famous saga!
Truly, all was lost. Or was it?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>TO POSSIBLY BE CONTINUED<span style="font-size: 9.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-22492341427902229892014-02-16T22:29:00.000-08:002014-02-16T22:29:01.981-08:00Issue 103 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 103</u> (February 13, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<b>Happy Birthday to the ultimate nerd, Ian Caples!</b><br />
<br />
<b>Macbeth</b><br />
Tonight and tomorrow night are your last opportunities to see this masterpiece.<br />
<br />
<b>Friday the 14th</b><br />
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and you are bringing your hot date to the Eva May Love Shack for some romantic hoops, buckets, and boards. It’s senior night, and Jake Dempsey is auctioning off a candelight dinner at the game, so you better be there ladies.<br />
<br />
<b>Emily</b><br />
Your article was too long, so I didn’t bother to edit it. Break out the microscopes, nerds.<br />
<br />
<b>Thanks Teachers</b><br />
I really appreciate you assigning everything due on the day before our break. School is so much fun.<br />
<br />
<b>Prophecy Foretold</b><br />
Freshman Tyler Ennis, also known as TENNIS, hit a ridiculous buzzer beater last night to keep Cuse undefeated. And yes, he used a two-handed grip that maximized production and would have made Mr. Davis very proud.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Articles</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b>Get it Together <i>SNL</i></b><br />
<br />
By: Emily Gao<br />
<br />
Sasheer Zamata is the first black woman to appear on <i>Saturday Night Live</i> since 2007. The show has been on air for thirty-nine years and yet Zamata is only the fourth blackwoman cast. Instead of mitigating SNL’s inadequate diversity, Zamata only reminds us of the unbecoming problem SNL has had for years: Diversity. Sadly, <i>SNL</i> contributes to pop culture’s painful under-representation of minorities. Reprehensible behavior, to put kindly.<br />
<br />
When Kerry Washington hosted last November, <i>SNL</i> used her monologue to do some self-mockery. She began as the first lady then had to rapidly change to be Oprah and Beyonce, only emphasizing SNL’s problem. The cold open blared: “OKAY. YES! WE KNOW WE DON’T HAVE DIVERSITY ON OUR SHOW. THAT’S WHY WE HAVE OUR BLACK WOMAN HOST PLAYING FORTY DIFFERENT BLACK CELEBRITIES AND SIX NEW WHITE MALES”.<br />
<br />
I concede that the influx of white males on their show this year is understandable. Understandable, not<br />
excusable.) <i>SNL</i> must have wanted men this year because many strong members have been leaving. Jason Sudeikis, Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Seth Meyers and Andy Samberg have all left in the past two years. <i>SNL</i>’s biggest stars- Will, Jimmy, Tina, Kristen, Amy- all happen to be of European descent so perhaps Michaels’ is merely keeping up a “successful” trend.<br />
<br />
To my dismay, Michaels seems to be ignoring the perks of hosting a diverse cast. For one, cast members like<br />
<br />
Fred Armisen wouldn’t have to darken their skin- blackface- in order to play African Americans. Armisen is <i>SNL</i>’s idea of checking the Asian box. He and Rob Schneider (who is one-quarter Filipino) are the only performers of Asian descent to have been cast members. That’s led to disjointed sketches such as Armisen playing Obama and Hader playing Chinese President Hu Jintao. Nasim Pedrad (Iranian-American) won’t have to play anymore racially ambiguous characters. Thompson won’t have to dress in drag anymore. The show would be able to showcase various opinions on contentious issues. Besides expanding their repertoire, Lorne would be able to expand his audience too. Researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, found that cable shows with ethnically diverse casts and writers tended to have higher ratings.<br />
<br />
“Let’s cast some different shades then” is the simple solution. But the problem originates earlier than the casting. It stems from the feeder schools of <i>SNL</i> like Second City Network It seems logical that those cast for SNL are also predominantly of the white skin color (18.3% are people of color; 81.7% being white). Yes of course I’d like to take the optimistic vantage here and say that those bearing white skin happen to be funnier. However, I am confident this is not the case.<br />
<br />
Even if the current cast is bringing in enough ratings, Michaels’ cannot dismiss diversity. This matter goes beyond ratings. Racial sitcoms and comedies, like <i>Outsourced</i> (REMEMBER GUPTA?), an all Indian cast, was canceled after one season. Ratings didn’t suffice. If American TV watchers seem to not want to watch racially diverse casts, then should we not have them at all? No. Of course not. While ratings are important, they should dictate the overall modus operandi of the show.<br />
<br />
<i>SNL</i>’s subliminal message that “minorities aren’t funny” has to be eradicated. With seven million people grabbing the remote to watch every week, “minorities aren’t funny enough” is the last thing <i>SNL</i> should imply.<br />
<br />
Each ethnicity living in America has been a part of what this country has become, and that should be reflected in what we watch on TV. Besides race, sexuality should also be fairly aired on the show. Cast in 2012, Kate McKinnon is the first openly lesbian cast member on <i>SNL</i>. Mckinnon commented that being a minority has helped her comedy because "as minorities, we're on the fringe, and there's just something so wonderful about that perspective, something so inspiring". Our media should reflect the“melting pot” ideal by including all people-- not leaving out more than half of America.<br />
<br />
A part of me wonders if <i>SNL</i> is playing us. Is the show only appeasing an angry crowd? If we about wanting a Hispanic, or an Indian (Russell Peters? Aziz Ansari?) on the show, will <i>SNL</i> make it happen just to pacify us? It makes me ponder if Sasheer was cast because <i>SNL</i> needed talent or they merely had to do something to keep their audience happy. Of course I want to believe in the former reason, but the latter -however haunting- is a possible one.<br />
<br />
Despite these diversity issues, I’m not the kind of person who laments that “its gone downhill” because it is, after all, sketch comedy variety series. Cast members are constantly shifting, leaving and coming. The strength of each episode depends not only on the hosts capability but also on the chemistry between the host and the cast members.<br />
<br />
In any case, it’s clear that <i>SNL</i> is going through a midlife crisis.<br />
<br />
Indisputably <i>SNL</i>’s edge has waned, and, if the show continues to avoid diversifying its cast and hosts and musical guests, it’ll rapidly lose cultural relevance-- and (God forbid) ratings. This is not a “if it’s not broken, why fix it?” situation. Sure, nothing’s broken, but it sure is outdated.The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-55494488830300729022014-02-12T07:42:00.001-08:002014-02-12T07:42:09.217-08:00Issue 102 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 102</u> (February 12, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>You Want To Know What Mr. Pierce’s
Favorite Function Is?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
F
o G o F<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>I Started Writing Poetry<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
But
I felt like a jerk, so I stopped.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Reflections!!!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Just
because I can’t write poetry doesn’t mean you can’t! Submit all of your poetic
musings to <a href="mailto:reflectionslitmagazine@gmail.com">reflectionslitmagazine@gmail.com</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Happy Belated Birthday Alarisse!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Flappy Bird’s<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b> defunct<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Dong
Ngyuen, the Vietnamese creator of the hellish nightmare that is Flappy Bird,
has removed it from sale. I am convinced the entire game was just Vietnam’s way
of getting back at America for
introducing McDonald’s to Ho Chi Minh City.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Dan Snyder<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
Washington Redskins owner, who has, contrary to popular opinion and vehemently,
refused to change the racist name of his team may now consider doing so now
that he has fired Coach Mike Shana-tan.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Coming Soon<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
We
are going to start fundraising for our end-of-the-year compilation, and we
think that you are going to want to buy what we’re selling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b>Good Movie-Related Music<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“The
Moon Song” by Karen O & Vampire Weekend’s Ezra Koenig comes out on iTunes
this week. It’s from <i>Her</i>, and it is
so chill. Get it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Alpha Male of Eternity:
Dana Pierce<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">By: Greg Feiner (Dana’s #1 Fan)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">There
is a man, a man whose legend rides on the whispers of integrals, a man who has
captured the hearts and minds of the student body like a tap-dancing kitten, a
man of majesty, mystery, and (perhaps most of all) sass. That man is math
teacher, Dana Pierce, and he has taken Bishop’s by storm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> Though we all know of his
meteoric rise to mass popularity, from the infamous “packet” retreat, to the
chants of “DANA DANA DANA!” echoing in the gym after a routine announcement, I
wanted to know what makes Mr. Pierce tick. So I prepared some questions so
strange that they could be UChicago essay prompts, and sat down with Mr. Pierce
for the interview of the century. I encourage you to read the full interview
(which will be posted on the blog), as I have limited space, and cannot
possibly include everything. It’s beyond funny.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> Dana Pierce was born “on the
bayous of Boston (or at least near a salt marsh).” He commented that, “my birth
mother could not recall who my father was… This was the late 60’s and
uncertainty was common. Several friends
and relatives commented to her that it may have been an immaculate conception
(that’s right ‘an’ immaculate conception, because it’s so common)... The
religious possibilities intimidated her and eventually became too much (nothing
ever came of this of course, but just in case: ‘bless you, my children’), and I
was put up for adoption.” However, despite his rough start, he <i>was</i> adopted and stated that “my family
provided me with a high fiber diet of love, hugs, and salty snacks, and I have
grown into quite a regular guy.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoAcetate" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">I don’t think “regular” is quite the right word. If Mr. Pierce, were,
as he claims, “regular,” then why is he a math-teacher fashion guru? To the
faculty of the Department of Mathematics, take notes: “</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sears. Preferably your shopping is done in the early
spring, and your purchases are exclusively sale items from their spectacular
fall line. Think Land’s End and corduroy.
I recommended only purchasing clothing twice per decade.</span>” <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
When asked what historical
figure he would most like to wipe from existence, Mr. Pierce gave a surprising
answer for a math teacher: “Mrs. Science.” However, after he elaborated, I
couldn’t agree with him more. “This evil vixen is constantly trying to improve
our understanding of the world. To that
I say, ‘Ooh aren’t you fancy.’ You are
sucking the marrow of life dry. Leave me
be to make up the truths that I want to be true. The world will be better for it, or at least
we won’t have any understanding of what hit us.
Freedom!” Honestly, what has
science ever done for us?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
In the interest of staying
current, I posed a few questions about Mr. Davis and tennis. Mr Pierce has only
positive things to say about Mr. Davis: “he is great. I love the way that the last four letters of
his name spell a car rental company, plus the first two letters spell ‘add’
incorrectly and backwards. As a math
teacher, how could I fail to appreciate that?” He does have one objection about
tennis: “I am against calling individual competition singles as some of those
people are actually married or at least in serious relationships.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Some of Mr. Pierce’s greatest
work has come as a master of sass. He has gone so far as to say to a student,
“congratulations on the B+! (This
student had an 89.99 average, and due to the B+ grade was not allowed to drive
for 8 years.)” He doesn’t prefer either Dana or Mr. Pierce, because, after all,
“aren’t they the same person?” I sincerely hope he pursues a career in comedy;
his special would get so many ratings that Comedy Central would explode.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Mr. Pierce is a very busy man.
He teaches classes, is on the Disciplinary Committee, sponsors the Class of
2014, and still manages to keep us all entertained. Though he likes us, “as the
flower likes the rain,” he always looks forward to his weekends. “On the
weekends I enjoy bowling, spending time with my family, and lying on the floor
moaning and staring vacantly at the ceiling.” That last bit actually sounds
oddly similar to what I do in my free time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Like his spirit animal, tha
mythical Gragondoodle (an animal that “has the head and tail of a dragon, the
body and wings of an eagle, and the dainty, well-manicured legs and feet of a
poodle”), he “lies about fiercely and wisely,” calling the shots and carrying
out his mission to destroy the last packet. He has reached “demigod status”
among the student body—or at least the senior class—for good reason, and it is
for this good reason that he is the Alphamale of Eternity.<span style="font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-11287539890357298122014-02-12T07:40:00.002-08:002014-02-19T22:40:22.536-08:00Full Dana Pierce Interview<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><i><u>Full Dana Pierce Interview</u></i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>Wh</b><b>at is your origin story?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Here is
the story as it has been passed down to me:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">I was
born a bastard child on the bayous of Boston (or at least near a salt marsh). I was originally bald, pink and wrinkly (I am
currently working hard to regain this look).
My birth mother could not recall who my father was: “He may have been the drummer in this band I
saw at Cornstalk (a lesser precursor to the famous rock festival). I’m just not sure.” This was the late 60’s and uncertainty was
common. Several friends and relatives
commented to her that it may have been an immaculate conception (that’s right
“an” immaculate conception, because it’s so common). “I certainly hope it was clean,” she
said. The religious possibilities
intimidated her and eventually became too much (nothing ever came of this of
course, but just in case: “Bless you, my children”), and I was put up for adoption. I found myself installed summarily at an
orphanage called the “Home for Little Wanderers.” There I really found a place to indulge
freely in my interests as I was permitted to cry and scream as much as I wanted
with no threat of interruption for hugs or food. Eventually, I tired of all the fun, and I
began a serious training regimen with my eye on the prize: escape. During a period when most babies double their
weight, I stayed lean and fit, managing to gain only one pound. I bided my time, and finally one afternoon I
was able to attain, by stealth alone, the “Coveted Papers”. These were the forms necessary for me to file
to adopt a family. I submitted the
papers, and in no time I was able to choose a family that satisfied my needs
and expectations. Within a few short
days, I was able to pack up my things (a ragged pacifier and a tanket, which is
what I called the unidentifiable cross of a towel and blanket that I stored old
bodily fluids in and apparently loved to sleep with) and join my new
family. This family provided me with a
high fiber diet of love, hugs and salty snacks, and I have grown into quite a
regular guy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Math teacher fashion. What's in? What's out?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Really anything from Sears.
Preferably your shopping is done in the early spring, and your purchases
are exclusively sale items from their spectacular fall line. Think Land’s End and corduroy. I recommended only purchasing clothing twice
per decade.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Tennis. For or against?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am for the forehand, and I am against calling individual
competition singles as some of those people are actually married or at least in
serious relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Proudest achievement that we wouldn't expect. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Teaching my four year old daughter to speak with a Boston
accent. If you never thought lobsters
were cute, you will after you hear her say, “Lobsta!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Stance on Davis?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">He is great. I love the way
that the last four letters of his name spell a car rental company, plus the
first two letters spell “add” incorrectly and backwards. As a math teacher, how could I fail to
appreciate that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>If you could obliterate any historical figure, who would it be?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Mrs. Science. This evil
vixen is constantly trying to improve our understanding of the world. To that I say, “Ooh aren’t you fancy.” You are sucking the marrow of life dry. Leave me be to make up the truths that I want
to be true. The world will be better for
it, or at least we won’t have any understanding of what hit us. Freedom!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>What novel would you most want to live in?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">I would not want to live in any novel. Even the longest ones, like War and Peace or
Battlefield Earth or the last five Harry Potter’s would be cramped. And all that paper gets moldy over time and
I’m allergic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>What is your spirit animal?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">My first thought was the arctic fox. They are wild and snuggly. Quite the paradox. But I have to go with the mythical
Gragondoodle. This animal has the head
and tail of a dragon, the body and wings and an eagle, and the dainty,
well-manicured legs and feet of a poodle.
Of course, it can’t stand up because of its tiny feet, but it lies about
fiercely and wisely. Just try to slip
something by this completely made up beast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Snarkiest thing you've ever said to a student?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Congratulations on the B+!
(This student had an 89.99 average, and due to the B+ grade was not
allowed to drive for 8 years.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Favorite (math) function? </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">F o G o F<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Do you prefer Dana or Mr. Pierce?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Aren’t they the same person?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Do you actually like us?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">As the flower likes the rain.
Well, maybe not if you were falling on my head. But you nourish my soul and make my days
worth living. My weekdays anyway. On the weekends I enjoy bowling, spending
time with my family, and lying on the floor moaning and staring vacantly at the
ceiling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-26080935303360013162014-02-11T13:44:00.001-08:002014-02-11T13:44:15.965-08:00Issue 101 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 101</u> (February 11, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
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GO SEE IT THIS WEEKEND<o:p></o:p></div>
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MEN'S VARSITY SOCCER ON THE FIELD TODAY
AFTER SCHOOL. FEATURING NEW SOUTH AFRICAN NATIONAL RECRUIT DAN FORSSMAN.<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Ya watch those too<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The
Dungeon</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Has been sending out some hyphy videos.
Check them out.<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Fill out your Valentine's Day Survey. You
should have gotten an email about it on your Bishop's account. It may be this
or a day full of House of Cards.<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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What you can't understand<o:p></o:p></div>
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Your sons and your daughters<o:p></o:p></div>
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Are beyond your command<o:p></o:p></div>
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Your old road is<o:p></o:p></div>
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Rapidly aging<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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WEEK<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Next week is Spirit Week! Get ready to get
rowdy. You have a four day weekend to prepare yourself physically, mentally and
spiritually.<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">HAPPY
TUESDAY</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>A Short Story: Road Rage<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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By Nessa Garcia (Aggressive
Driver)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>La Jolla is a beautiful place and there’s no
arguing that. However, its roads are not as pretty. I’m not talking about
potholes or things like that, but rather, the drivers that I come across when I
drive to or from school. To further clarify, I think there’s something about La
Jolla that can transform us <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> into
terrible, impatient drivers—but more on that later. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It was a Thursday afternoon last week when I
experienced my first true feelings of road rage. I am no stranger to road rage,
as my mother has demonstrated it for me ever since I was a little girl (love
you, mom), but I am the type of person who hates using her horn and would
prefer to just wait it out if someone is being excessively slow. That being
said, it would have to be something <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really
</i>provocative and rude to send me into a fit of road rage…can you see where
I’m going here?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Hypothetically, you are at a red light. You are not
using your phone or falling asleep. Then, the light turns green. Before you can
even think or breathe, a girl in a stupid red car behind you beeps her horn.
Not a quick beep, but a long, emotional beep that startles everyone in a 1-mile
radius. You don’t know this girl, but a dark feeling begins to grow inside your
soul. A dark, charcoal-black feeling. Despite this emotion, you suck in your
breath and keep driving. But then, at the next two lights, the girl does the
same exact thing. As you whip your head around, she has her arms up in a
questioning manner, her lips mouthing “What the cluck?!”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At this point, you may then slam on your breaks,
step out of your car, and approach her stupid red car. You are no longer
socially-conscious because you are angry. Very angry. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What ended up happening was that she sped off
before I reached her, and then I awkwardly scuttled back to my car, the intense
feeling fading away faster than it had come. Road rage had truly altered me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After I got back in the car and quietly drove
myself home, I realized that La Jolla, a place crowded with people and filled
with numerous left turn yields, will always be a hot spot for road rage. While
this may not a shocker for you, all I ask is that you don’t see yourself as
king/queen of the road. Everyone is always late for something, but don’t lose
patience. It won’t always be a little 5”1 teenager storming towards your red
car. <b style="text-decoration: underline;"><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">My Car<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: black;">By Chris Halter (Nostalgic Driver)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black;">Sometime next week, my car’s odometer will eclipse
180,000 miles: That’s like driving around the Earth 7 times or driving to the
Moon and a third of the way back. This car has seen me evolve from an infant
sitting in a car seat to a teenager sitting in the driver’s seat. In a way it
is like a parent to me, a constant figure in my life from the first moment I
started forming memories. In a world increasingly defined by a “Out with the
old in with new” mentality it isn’t too often I find myself holding onto
outdated items; but my car is a completely different story. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>By
current automobile standards my car certainly isn’t the fastest, safest or most
fuel efficient - it tops out at about 17 MPG - and by no means does it turn any
heads in the Bishop’s garage, but what it does have is a soul. Anybody who
drives will know what I’m talking about when referring to “the character” of my
car. If my car were a person it would be a grandfather; an older man that’s
seen the world and its realities and is quick to dispense advice but is ready
to comfort you whenever you’re ready - complete with heated seats. I love my
car because I’ve laughed in it, I’ve cried in it, screamed at other drivers in
it, I’ve contemplated my life in it and it has really become a part of me. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: black;">Soon
enough I’ll be headed to college and I know it may seem ridiculous but one of
the things I’ll miss most is waking up each morning and driving to school in my
car; it’s a time that is unique because those moments alone in the car are
yours alone. Maybe college is 6 months away for you or 4 years away, but
regardless of when you’ll be leaving home I urge you take notice of the things
that have been a part of your life, and be thankful for them.</span><span style="font-size: 9.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment-->The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-54576145067134746752014-02-11T13:41:00.002-08:002014-02-11T13:41:09.407-08:00Issue 100 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 100</u> (February 10, 2014)<br />
<br />
<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
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This is issue 100!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Valentine’s Day<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s this Friday. Any drip of courage should be used
then!</div>
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<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
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<b><b>Today’s Man of the World, Mr DAVIS!?</b></b></div>
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By: Dr. Prof. Gen. Hon. Rev. Sir Duke of Tennis Thomas Higginson</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>As I walked towards Cummins Hall last Tuesday, I saw a tidal wave of groupees roaring over the sight of Mr. Davis<sup>1</sup>. All the wannabe hipsters cried out, “I love you, Mr. Davis! OMG! You’re so cool!” Amongst this totally existent crowd, I saw friends, family, animals, and mystery. He wasn’t always like that, but I needed to know why he is now. So, I downloaded a voice recorder app, forgot to write down questions, and interviewed Mr. Davis. This isn’t the story of just another teacher. This is the story of tennis, and its glaring benefits to life.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It took me years to begin and understand tennis, but my knowledge is vastly futile compared to Davis’ years of experience. For those of you who don’t know Mr. Davis, he is an english teacher here at Bishop’s, and is a “practiontioner of two-handed tennis.” However, he offers such amazing insight into the dimension of one-handed tennis. He himself uses “one hand for the forehand, but [is] a two-handed backhand playa”, which confounded me. I proceeded to ask him, “So, you like to experiment with different tennis strokes?” </div>
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“Yeah, I think it’s important to add diversity to your tennis stroke.” It was such a seemingly simple truth, but I couldn’t help but to scratch my head at it. Mr. Davis is no standard tennis player—he was actually struck by lightning while playing, and recounts it as such: “…They [the tennis gods] struck down from the heavens. It was painful. It was a cloudy day, and I was about to serve. There was a loud blast, a big boom, and everything went black.” He claims that he “screamed in a very high pitched and unmanly fashion,” but when he came to, he wouldn’t give up and he carried on playing. That day, the tennis gods<sup>2</sup> spared Mr. Davis and according to him, “it was really the two-handed tennis that got [him] through.” I wondered what he learned from this experience and he said that “two-handed tennis is a philosophy. If you’re hanging from a cliff by a rope, and that rope is all you have, are you going to hold onto it with one hand or two hands?”<sup>3</sup> I concluded that you would obviously hold on with two hands, because you don’t want to loose your grip and fall. It’s life and you need to hold on with two-hands.</div>
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We discussed the situation further, and he explained that “many forget the importance tennis had in the evolution of homosapiens.”<sup>4</sup> He compared it to Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, which was originally about tennis: “The central premise is that you have these people in a cave and they aren’t sure they can leave yet. Now that’s based on truth, our ancestors lived in caves as you well know. Tennis started in that cave, but didn’t truly start until people left that cave and played outside. Everyone who stayed in the cave ended up playing squash. Those were dark times. So if you look at it from an evolutionary standpoint, that’s why tennis players will be more evolved than say squash or indoor sports players.”<sup>5</sup></div>
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After having a good laugh, I had to ask him, “Now, what are the differences between the two grips?” Mr. Davis smiled and proceeded to clarify that the one-handed grip is the standard. It’s used for more inexperienced players, who frequently grab the base of the raquet. The two-handed grip is similar, but you bring the other hand around to the racket in a slightly twisted wrist position. According to Davis, “It’s a stronger position because it lets you take the full impact of the ball. One-handed is a graceful stroke but doesn’t offer the strength and defensive maneuvering the two-handed backhand allows.” It was understandable, so I asked if he would agree with the following statement from <i>Two-Handed Tennis</i><sup>6</sup>: “As the ball is contacted, it should be permitted to roll up a slightly open face.” He openly agreed and added that “any good backhand needs an open face to deliver it across.” In addition, he presented the quandary of only using one hand: eventually you get Sampras arm<sup>7</sup>. His solution was that you must be ambidextrous, and have a fair balance and rotation between both arms when swinging. </div>
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“Symmetry is the most important thing you can look for.”</div>
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Overall, Mr. Davis is one of the most enlightened two-handed tennis players. If you see him around campus, shake his hand and thank him for bestowing his wisdom upon me to share with you.</div>
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<!--EndFragment-->The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1497912989979787649.post-2332308653506227832014-02-06T23:19:00.004-08:002014-02-06T23:19:33.177-08:00Issue 99 (2013-2014)<u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Issue 99</u> (February 7, 2014)<br />
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<b><u>Sidebar</u></b><br />
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<b>Get Ready…<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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We’re
hitting you up with some mad fresh faculty profiles next week, dawg.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Typos<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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There
probably are some. Just let them happen.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Jay Leno</span></b><span style="font-family: Times, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Greg will be taking
bets as to how long it will take Jay Leno to come out of retirement and cheat
Jimmy Fallon out of his spot on the Tonight Show.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Macbeth!!!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Go see <i>Macbeth</i>, at 7 tonight and everyday this
weekend and next weekend.<b> Everyone dies</b>.
Sorry, didn’t want to give anything away, but…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">Lyrics Quiz<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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When the fantasy has ended<br />
And all the children are gone<br />
Something good inside me,<br />
Helps me to carry on!<br />
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I ate some bugs,<br />
I ate some grass,<br />
I used my hand,<br />
To wipe my tears<br />
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To kiss your mouth<br />
I break my vow<br />
No no no, no no, no WAY JOSE<br />
Unless you want to<br />
Then we break our vows together<br />
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Encarnacio-hooooon<br />
Encarnacio-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hon<br />
Encarnacion<br />
*Diduliduliluli!*<br />
Encarnacio-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hon<br />
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<b><u>Articles</u></b></div>
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<b>Meatless Mondays: First World Problem or Global Inspiration?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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By: Dr. Pam Reynolds (Faculty
Guest Contributor)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Like Daniel Cohn, this is my first DU article in 5
years. First, I would like to thank Priscilla
Hardianto for proposing Meatless Mondays in a responsible and thoughtful manner
and I would like to address some of Daniel’s concerns. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My Honor’s Chemistry students study the energy of food
in the lab. Just this week we found that
not surprisingly peanuts (a vegetable) have the most energy per gram as compare
with Cheetos, marshmallows, popcorn, potato chips and goldfish. As my students concluded, with a little
research, the energy stored in the bonds of protein was much greater than that
of carbohydrates found in the latter five foods listed above. However, Ms. Hardianto’s proposal is Meatless
Monday, not Proteinless Monday. I am not
a red meat eater by choice. I am an
athlete and I have never had issue with my diet. Ms. Sweet and her team always have a protein
alternative for those of us who do not eat meat. What Ms. Hardianto is proposing is choosing to
forego meat one day a week to address living more sustainably. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Let’s begin with protein content in food since it has
the highest return on energy. From a
Men’s Health article titled “ The World’s Best Protein Sources” for building
muscle and better performance these foods were ranked in order of their protein
content per 100 grams: 1. Whey protein: 80-90g;
2. Soya protein isolates: 88g; 3.
Cod: 63g; 4. Clams and other
molluscs: 48g; 5. Tofu: 48g; 6. Low sodium Parmesan cheese: 42g; 7. Lean beef: 36g; followed by Lamb,
Chicken and Pork in the low 30’s. The
second highest was a vegetable product and the 5<sup>th</sup> highest,
significantly higher than beef was Tofu.
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Now let’s consider the environmental costs of meat on
the table. About half of the world’s
meat comes from range livestock and the other half is from highly energy
intensive industrial feedlots.
Overgrazing contributes to topsoil erosion and loss of soil fertility,
not to mention loss of biodiversity.
Much of our water goes toward excessive irrigation in part to support
our diets; our current drought is causing some in the Northern California
cattle industry to sell off their herds due to lack of water and poor grazing
conditions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On average it takes about 10 units of nonrenewable
energy to put 1 unit of food energy on the table. It takes approximately 35 units of energy to
produce 1 unit of energy in grain-fed beef; this does not include the energy
costs of processing, transportation and food preparation for beef. Much of our beef is raised on corn, a highly
energy consuming product. Diets based on
meat are highly inefficient since roughly 90% of the caloric value of the
plants (corn or grass) is lost in the conversion to animal biomass. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The price of meat is also artificially low due to
“perverse subsidies” as supported by the U.S. farm bills, which coincidently was
passed just this week by the House and Senate. This version of the Farm Bill
will be sent to the President to continue a history of overproducing corn and
other grains so that the prices are kept lower than their true production
costs. These subsidies ensure that it is
less expensive to feed cattle energy intensive corn than grass. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Finally for those of you who know I love the gas laws,
cattle are a huge contributor to global greenhouse gases producing
approximately 16% of the annual global emissions of methane. Our Environmental Science text reports that
the annual emissions from cattle in the U.S. are equal to the green house gas
emissions of 33 million automobiles. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, will one meal, once a week, really affect your
performance? No, especially if you
supplement with an alternative protein source.
Could a cultural change in attitude and food choice affect a
planet? Yes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><i>Macbeth</i></b><b> Review<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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By: Leo Li (Wait, who?)<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I walked onto the stage of
Macbeth, my friends and I had to argue for several minutes on whether to sit on
the stage, on (literally on) the castle, or in the regular seats. For
reference, sit in the regular seats if you don’t want a good view. Sit in the
stage if you like swords flying in your face, and sit on top of the castle if
you have a sense of superiority you have to fill.<o:p></o:p></div>
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There
are perhaps many specific areas I would like to point to when reviewing
Bishop’s take on Macbeth. One is the ghost of Banquo (Zach Provost ’14), who
appears during the dining scene after his murder. This production chose to
present Banquo as a bloody ghost, who points and haunts Macbeth (Justin Geier
’15), to the point of climbing out of a dinner table as fellow lords (including
the illustrious Ben Higgs ‘14) look on. Similar scenes like the Apparitions
physically portray the supernatural, creating a sense of dread and wickedness the
audience could “see,” especially when compared to a psychological hallucination
of Macbeth.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This
version of Macbeth has slight alternations. One of these is the murder of Lady
Macduff (Alina Pham ’14) and her sons
(Samy Hamdy/Theo Sun), of which lines like “what, you egg?” and “He has killed
me, mother!” were taken out, for a more sensitive scene involving a crying baby
(trying real hard not give away everything).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Fight
scenes, of course, were fantastic. If you’re sitting on the stage as I did,
swords literally are right next to you, and the Fight Captain (Adi Chang ’14)
literally crashes into the wall next to your seat. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Out
of the many great scenes of Macbeth, a specific one I would like to point out
specifically is the Porter scene (Kenan Draughorne ’15), which I found highly
entertaining. The porter never gets enough credit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The
set was enormous and embodied the very ambition of the production: A huge
castle with two sides, along with trap doors for the witches. It is truly a
unique setup, of which I applaud Mr. McNamara and tech for creating.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If
you haven’t planned on seeing this tragic (but good!) Shakespeare it’s a must.
See it on Friday, or on the weekends, maybe on Valentine’s Day next week.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Daily Urinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14290331673289775579noreply@blogger.com0