Issue 82 (January 14, 2014)
Sidebar
END
OF YEAR COUNTDOWN
251 days until 2015.
END
OF SCHOOL YEAR COUNTDOWN
Who knows how many days to graduation. Not
enough. Strange to hear myself say that. In the meantime go out and do
something you would regret not doing.
SPORTS
Soccer today on the field after school. It'll
be a kick...
Come out and support please.
OTHER
SPORTS
Other sports are important too, but do
anyone of them chant San Miguel before they go and play? Men's Soccer does. You
should go and watch it happen. Experience the culture and tradition. Write
about the event for your AP Lang class. Live a little.
Nessa's
Article
Is pretty much obsolete. Rumor has it that
she actually found her phone. Clearly it was because of her article telling
people to watch out for it which wasn't published until after the phone was
found. It makes more sense the less you think about it.
Subreddit
Suggestion of the Day
r/mildlyinteresting
Daily
Advice
If something seems too fantastical to be
true, like it could be out of a bad soap opera, be skeptical.
Cold
War History Quiz
These two brothers held the offices of
Secretary of State and Director of the CIA at the same time and led America's
interventionist and morally questionable foreign policies which involved
assassination and the toppling of democratic regimes.
Articles
Tennis!?
By Thomas Higginson (DU TENNIS supporter)
Tennis \ˈte-nəs!\ noun [origin unknown]: a game that is
played by two people or two pairs of people on a special court (called a tennis
court) where they hit a small ball back and forth over a net using rackets.
One does not simply describe tennis. The Websters dictionary
attempts to, however it indisputably fails (by every water polo player’s
standards) to capture the ethos that is TENNIS. Not tennis. But TENNIS.
Similar, but not really. Foolish? Is it? Anyone can answer that question.
The men’s water polo team is unique, there is no other team on
campus that can compare to it. Spontaneity with an inherent sense of creativity
is Bishop’s Men’s Water Polo. Then came TENNIS. Not tennis, TENNIS! More
specifically, Women’s TENNIS! I expect that at this point in the article you
are confused, less you are a woman TENNIS athlete or male water polo athlete,
and I’m glad you are. Really, I am. Because it should be shared. It’s TENNIS
and you’re experiencing a side effect: confusion with an overtone of interest.
Anyways, TENNIS somehow energized the water polo team to new heights of
motivation and creativity. It became religious for us. It brought us something:
[insert some cliche here]. It intoxicated us. Almost literally.
The origins of TENNIS are mysterious and only rumor, which
floats around and eventually flies into an ear, exists. This article was
written not as an endeavor to systematically track down the origin of TENNIS,
but as an acknowledgment from the water polo team.
See, the water polo team would(and still) yell TENNIS as loud
as we could whenever we saw any TENNIS activities taking place near our team
room. Whenever we saw a TENNIS player walk by, TENNIS!!! We even went as far as
to sacrifice certain items to their courts. They were gifts. We thought you were
malnourished. You, TENNIS, provided our team with much needed intensity during
a rough season. Without TENNIS, water polo would have been slightly less
exciting (well more like boring). We turned TENNIS into our religious noun,
verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun, etc..
Every Time we got out of the pool, tired, stressed or nervous,
you’ve been there like some type of demi god. We’ve yelled your wondrous name
with the might of a thousand warriors from the team room, quad, and once during
announcements. TENNIS became a water polo mantra. Our stress ball. Our
medication. We truly appreciated that. JK. But, in honesty we did. Even after
all our sacrifices, you remained (not like you had a choice). Even your coach
(father TENNIS) who once stormed the pool deck in pure frustration, remained
despite our hilarious and intense actions.
Thank you TENNIS for never over reacting and just letting it
be. Namaste. Thank you, you deserve it. TENNIS!!!
Sincerely,
Bishop’s Men’s Water Polo
P.S. Grats on the good season
P.S.S. TENNIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S.S.S. We know it’s late, but be thankful
anyways
I Lost my Phone
By Nessa Garcia (Insert DU label here)
Last
night, I was planning on doing a creative writing piece for an article. It was
going to revisit my Bishop’s admission process and get far too sentimental
about being a junior at Bishop’s, but then life happened. Life happened, and
there was no time for creative writing pieces. In other words, I lost my phone.
At
around 5:14 pm, after the dreadful realization that I hadn’t seen my phone in a
good while, I frantically patted myself for my phone, which, in retrospect, was
dumb because I didn’t (don’t) have pockets on my skirt. Anyway, after retracing
my steps and getting suspicious looks from a security guard who had seen me
pass the same place at least five times at that point, I whimpered with
anxiety.
Then,
I ran into the marvelous Matt Kerr, and I explained my trouble. Like a hero, he
whipped out his Find my iPhone app and suggested I try. For the next ten
minutes, we would hopelessly scourge the place where the app said my phone was,
which was either in the middle of Cuvier street or hopefully, in a much safer
place. Walking back to Cummins, Matt expressed his condolences.
“I’m
really sorry Nessa, maybe if—“
“OH
MY GOD IS THAT IT.”
Sprinting full speed towards a white, rectangular
object peeking out from a few grass strands on the quad, we arrived at the
object, which turned out to be a piece of plastic. Cursing and kicking this
immoral piece of plastic, we sighed once more.
“Don’t worry Matt, I’ll find it.”
Unable to waste my time watching mediocre Vines that
cheaply capitalize on stereotypes, and more importantly, soon to face the wrath
of my parents, I beg of my readers (if a group so exists) to keep an eye out
for an
iPhone 5 that
has a blue and white floral case. If you press the home button, my
wallpaper should be a breathtaking photograph of a glacier, and if you unlock
my phone, my background should be a doge meme with a really long neck. Thank
you.
