Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Issue 83 (2013-2014)

Issue 83 (January 15, 2014)

Sidebar
REFLECTIONS!!!
Submit to Reflections, at reflectionslitmagazine@gmail.com (Come on, it’s not like it’d kill you).

Golden Globes
Matthew McConaughey won a Golden Globe. In related news, the Chicago Cubs have won the World Series, the Detroit Lions have won the Super Bowl, Northern and Southern California have become separate states, Israel and Palestine have finally settled their differences, and Leonardo DiCaprio has won a major award.

Meanwhile, in China…
A 28-year-old woman in Chengdu, China has put up billboards of herself in hopes of finding a husband. I don’t know whether that’s funny or really, really sad. I guess I’ll choose funny.

Joke of the Day
By: Thomas Higginson
I dig
You dig
He digs
She digs
We did

Lyrics Quiz The Other Day
Gabe Capetta got the band. It was “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins.

Lyrics Quiz
It’s a little bit funny,
This feeling inside.
I’m not one of those who can Easily hide.


Articles

WATER POLO!!!
By: Alejandra Gallegos (High Priestess of the Church of TENNIS!!!)

Dearest men’s water polo team,

How do we love thee? Let us count the ways.

1. We love you for your invigorating energy. As a four-year letterman, I can assure you that you will always remain in my memory as some of the biggest supporters of our team. Never have I ever encountered a group of boys—excuse me, MEN—who are as enthusiastic about tennis, and pretty much just about everything, as you all are. Your constant spirit is simply awe-inspiring.

2. We love you for the way you say the word “tennis.” Actually, it’s more like “TENNIS!!!!!” That’s the way that such a sacred word should be said. You approach the name of our game with a genuine reverence, and you use the word often. Even though much time has passed since the end of the tennis season, I still hear the majestic ring of a “TENNIS!!!!!” as it echoes around the walls surrounding the pool. When you guys utter the word “TENNIS!!!!!” it resonates with the whole population.

3. We love you for the intimidation factor you bring to our matches. Whether you’re aware of it or not, when you all line up on the pool deck to watch us take down our victims, it really helps to have such a solid lineup of chiseled, sturdy, strapping men in their Speedos as backup. Emily Olson recently revealed to me that one of our enemies—a Lady Lancer, no less—was caught saying that she feels “so intimidated” when she comes to play on our courts because we “have boys in Speedos that always watch our games.” <3.

4. Speaking of strapping, well-bodied men, we love you for your physique. Enough said.

5. We love you for your sacrifices. None of us will ever forget the banana that you so generously bestowed upon our home court, which truly inspired us to work hard and play hard, to make you guys proud. Not only did you sacrifice objects, you sacrificed your well-being. When father TENNIS stormed the pool deck, unappreciative of your generous gift, you remained faithful to us. 

6. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we love you for your loyalty and support. Sure, I guess one could say that it’s easy for you guys to support us because we play our sports right next to each other, but the fact of the matter is this: you guys have developed a true appreciation for our sport, and have always stepped up to pump us up and cheer us on. Your support really helped us through some tough matches this season. In fact, it’s likely that you guys were partially responsible for our wild success this season. So, on behalf of the tennis team, I want to extend a huge thank you for your support, encouragement, and overall fabulosity.

                We will love you 5ever,
                                Bishop’s Women’s Tennis

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