Issue 77 (2013-2014)

Issue 77 (January 7, 2014)

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Happy Second Day of the Second Semester of the Year of the Senior!

SPORTS.

Today Men's Soccer is playing Cathedral at Cathedral. Varsity kicks off at 6 pm. Rumor has it that new recruit Tripp Twyman will make his debut. If for some reason you miss it, you will have another chance to watch the team play rival Francis Parker in their first league game of the year at Bishop's, Thursday right after school.

OTHER SPORTS.

There are probably other sports going on this week as well. The Lady Knights Soccer team for example has several games. I unfortunately am nerdy and unathletic so I wouldn't know when they are. Contact your local Dungeon representative for more accurate scheduling details.

Observation of the Day

The Bishops' version of abandoned New Year's Resolutions is parking. At the beginning of second semester (and after most breaks for that matter) people show up obscenely early to school. Most parking spots will be taken up by 7:05. As the weeks go on however, people rapidly lose their motivation and ability to wake up that early as their hours of sleep begin to dwindle.

Lyrics Quiz

I said please don't slow me down

If I'm moving too fast

You're in a strange

Part of our town

Heathen

It's a struggle just to keep breathing

Existential asthmatic

Let me go on, like I blister in the sun

Let me go

Big hands I know you're the one

Articles

Wordplay

By Erik Schrunk (Veteran FB Status Updater)

GOOD-SOUNDING WORDS:

1. Essence: This word is literally the essence of mellifluousness, which isn't a bad word itself. Say "essence" to yourself. Listen to the way it rolls of your tongue, leaving a trail of golden harmony. That trail is actually drool, because the word is making you salivate at its intense appeal. That's okay. Say the word to yourself some more. Nobody will think you're insane. We all like to do it, after all. (Think you're insane, that is.)

2. Cadence: This other -nce word rings with the beauty of a musical cadence. Don't you love it when the sound of a word embodies its definition? Maybe one day "Erik" will be a synonym for "viciously, devastatingly handsome." Oops. Did I say that out loud? #sorrynotsorry (see Tina? I'm using hashtags now.)

BAD-SOUNDING WORDS:

1. Forceps: This word evokes the metallic, painful displeasure of getting your gums and tongue accidentally skewered by a dentist wielding a vile hooked instrument. The forceps is the device holding your mouth open wide enough that you can't even summon a priest to perform last rites before you perish at the hands of the sinister dentist. I can't imagine why you'd use the word in a sentence unless either you are a sadistic dentist or you work in a forceps factory. Either way, help us all out and do something else.

2. Scalp: Okay, first of all, please display some common courtesy by not bringing up your scalp in conversation. Second, this word is so gross-sounding that, even if you felt the need to go into detail about your scalp, you would hold back anyway. Don't believe me? Go ahead, engage yourself in a scalp-related conversation. See how far it gets.