Sidebar
DU Issue 90
If you didn’t see Chris’s
article yesterday, it is on the blog at thedailyurinal.blogspot.com.
Ilana Stone
Would like to clarify that
she enjoyed Chris’s article and that her article is in no way directed at him
personally.
Want to be on staff?
Since both of our guest
writers today have contributed more this
year than many of our staff writers, the DU Commanders might soon consider
adding some new faces to the staff. If you are interested in writing this year
and/or next year, consistently submit articles. Who knows what could happen!
Reflections!
Submit all of your artsier
prose and poetry to reflectionslitmagazine@gmail.com.
The Grammys
Are a joke, so Greg didn’t
watch them.
Call Me, Ishmael
;)
Lyrics Quiz
Brenda and Eddie
Were the popular steadies
And the king and the queen
of the prom
Riding around with the car-top
Down and the radio on
Nobody looked any finer
Or was more of a hit at the
parkway diner
Articles
Standardized TESTS!?
By: Thomas Higginson (Fabio’s Tennis Buddy)
We all went through the
incredibly stressful and annoying process that is standardized testing. Unless
you’re on the College Board (or you love mind-blowingly boring tests), then you
probably cringe at the following acronyms: SAT, ACT, ISEE, STAR (Tests). To
those underclassmen reading this article, I could give you some crude advice. But
I’ll let you navigate your hell however you want. A successful rant about these
tests could be done in one sentence, and I’ve seen it done before (thanks Yahoo
answers), but I want to clarify that I don’t want this to be read as another
philippic article that claims to be unbiased. Instead, I want to discuss a
recent experience I shared with an older woman whose child applied to the 6th
grade at Bishop’s this school year.
It was Friday and I was tired
and wanted to go home (a lot of other stuff to set the mood here) and feeling
pretty chill. So I walked out the front gate towards my car. Usually complete
strangers don’t say hi to my beautiful face (jk), but this lady literally
reached out, grabbed my arm, and said, “You’re a 12th grader, right?” Initially
I responded by saying “what?” because that’s everyone’s natural response, even
when you hear the question (why is that?). So, she repeated herself, and I
paused for a brief moment, lifted my eyebrows, and said “yeah.”
Her daughter had taken the
ISEE and, from her description, had not done too hot. Again, I have no idea who
this was, nor what their name was, but I instantly felt obligated to ensure her
by regurgitating some platitude about how stuff works out sooner or later (usually
later from my experience). I felt that I had fulfilled my obligations and
started inching my way towards my car, but this lady was on the verge of tears.
Without hesitation, she began to explain her daughter’s resume to me as if I
could get her in: at least, that’s what I thought. I continued the conversation
by relating my experiences to those of her daughter’s, and she eventually
thanked me for my support.
I took two steps away until I
stopped, bit my lip, and aimlessly moved my eyes around. I walked the rest of
the path to my car and started driving, when I realized what really happened.
This older woman was trying to reach out and say that she feels so
significantly helpless for her own child, and I subconsciously, and entirely,
related my parents’ experiences to hers. To think that these standardized tests
are only stressful for you is simply unfair. Your parents, who are endlessly
supporting you, are struck equally as hard when it comes to standardized tests.
It may not be so blatantly apparent, but when I thought of the matter, I could
instantly relate when I remembered my parents frantically trying to find SAT
prep when my score wasn’t where it needed to be. I’m not trying preach to
underclassmen that you have to do well, or else you’re parents suffer. I want
to emphasize that as students we often overlook the mere assumption that our
parents don’t experience emotions the way we do.
I wrote down my thoughts in a
text and shared what had happened with a friend (mainly so I wouldn’t forget my
original thought). But, honestly, as my thoughts sprung forward, I was the one
reaching out, because I was overcome with guilt. Sure some College Board freak
can systematically announce that standardized tests are 100% necessary for any
admissions process, but they can’t know the cycle of endless stress they cause
for you for up to a year.
If you score your goal the
first time, (you’ll probs end up retaking anyways haha) then try to support
your friends.
An Epiphany
By: Ilana Stone (Welcome Guest)
My fellow Americans:
yesterday, I reached an epiphany. As I sat in the science center reading the
Daily Urinal™
I realized, many of my friends are closet peasants—and my world was smashed.
Mis amigos don’t sport Lands’ End pants out of respect for the uniform code or
fear of a uniform violation but rather because they simply cannot afford hippity-hoppity-freaky-fresh
Volcom pants. (Those with weak stomachs should stop here.)
To
think that I previously thought Bishop’s to be a diverse place. I am ashamed to
confess that, at some point in my past, I even believed this school to be the
tiniest bit economically diverse. I was also formerly under the notion that
Volcom pants were worn, not because they are more expensive, but simply because
they were maybe more comfortable or better fitting. But what was I thinking!
Every kid at this school is a millionaire right? Every kid gets their dream
car. Every kid gets to spend “Daddy’s money.” No one has a flip phone! How dare
I ever even think that I was part of a student body in which no one felt the
need to boast or brag about their bulging pockets of bucks.
I
was once fed some administrative propaganda, that uniforms promoted unity among
students or made students feel equal to each other. But I don’t believe that
anymore! I’m a changed woman, a butterfly emerging from its pupa stage!
Thank you
DU: Issue 90 for opening my eyes to the true world around me, where Lands’ End
has become synonymous with “a lack of wealth.” Now I see that every kid at
Bishop’s is made of money with no exceptions and we need to rebel against the
system. DOWN WITH THE TOTALITARIAN ADMINISTRATION! VIVE LE
BOURGEOISIE!
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