Issue 86 (2013-2014)

Issue 86 (January 21, 2014)

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Articles

Santa Ana Is Cereal Weather

By Matt Cappetta (DU Meteorologist, Scientist and Cereal Enthusiast)

If you look at this map of Southern California you can clearly see that there are some blotches of things and some word and letters, which would be alarming to the untrained meteorologist. Many professional testimonies will concur that it is really hot in San Diego right now.

            “It's hot” –Bruce Winchel

            “It's hot” –Parker Nichols (Drake and Josh’ s Dad)

            “It's so hot” – Chet U Betcha

            “Ahhhhh” –Brick Tamland

However, if you look at this graph of cereal (bottom right) you can see that the enjoyment for cereal increases anywhere from 30-40% in Santa Ana conditions.

Santa Ana air masses originate with a high-pressure system in the high desserts east of Southern California. The air is dried drastically by your basic orogrific lift before leaving the Mojave dessert in the upper stratosphere. The humidity therefore decreases greatly as it descends the desert mountainsides before reaching the coast due to dope levels of Doppler radar guns, and increased ph levels up to 17.9 x 10^3 Kilo-Hertz of static friction coefficients and kinetic energy on the Richter Scale. Therefore, clearly, as the air on the coast is up to 30% dryer than your average January day, the density of a single cubic meter of air at sea level can decrease by nearly 99.99%! Due to this drastic decrease in air density, the molecular air pockets and space between the atoms of rice molecules in Rice Krispies becomes far greater. The Krispies themselves are now far lighter and crispier than usual as the cells consist of an isotonic solution making the “Snap Krackle and POP” upwards of 3000% more enjoyable! The poor to moderate cereal selection at milkbreak is now getting into the range of 7 on the scale of one to Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which is “rather remarkable” says science expert Bill Nye.