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HAPPY
MONDAY
It's that time in the quarter where every
teacher is assigning a test on the same few days
MY
VERY OWN REALIZATION
I left my house maybe twice this weekend
and was never bored or lonely. I realized that all I would ever need in life to
be happy is a good internet connection and Netflix or Wikipedia to be
functioning.
GRAMMYS
RECAP
Some people won some awards and some other
people didn't win some awards. Some French robots dressed in tuxedos won quite
a few awards. New Zealand singer Lorde gave a twitchy performance of
"Royals" as images of Weeping Angels from Doctor Who appeared on the
giant screen behind her. This was a cruel form of torture as you had to choose
between keeping your eyes intensely focused on the screen or being sent back in
time to die alone in a foreign land. I won't tell you which one I chose but I
will acknowledge that I'm writing this from the year 2014 (BCE).
PROTESTS
CONTINUE
In Kiev with hundreds of protestors and
police injured. Ask yourself, do you know where Kiev is? Could you point to it
on a map? If you could, do you know what they are protesting about? Do you know
which Canadian pop singer was recently arrested or who won the Grammy for best
new artist this weekend?
NETFLIX
PUSHING BOUNDARIES LIKE ALWAYS
Netflix just released an original
documentary about Mitt Romney. It has a great opening scene and a surprising
amount of humor. The movie paints a more human, genuine image of Romney but the
real focus is his family. It shows the stress of campaigning and the message is
that it's not worth it. Run time: ~90 minutes
Articles
A Revelation
By Chris Halter (DU Social Commentator)
Last week I had a staggering revelation. As I was sitting in my
Chinese class I noticed a kid who wasn’t wearing Land’s End style pants. Surely
enough, my eyes immediately spotted the diamond of the Volcom logo and my
world was shattered - sensitive readers may want to stop here.
I had an ungodly thought, that just maybe, kids who go to Bishop’s
MIGHT be wealthy. Now it wasn’t the 32k per year tuition, or the garage full of
Range Rovers, Bentleys and BMWs, or the “Daddy’s Money” chants at water Polo
games, or even the fact that almost every kid on campus has an iPhone, no it
was the god damn Volcom pants that revealed the truth. Never had I imagined
that our pristine school located in one of the wealthiest zip codes in the
country might have rich kids attending it. The idea seemed preposterous to me,
especially considering that everybody wore Land’s End pants to school.
Now that I see the light, I can’t help but agree with the
administration that Volcom pants are a contamination in what should be a pure
environment. In fact, I say we extend the idea. To prevent kids from sharing my
awful realization I propose that everybody who drives to school must drive a
small to mid sized, neutral colored sedan with no visible labels or brand names
on it. Nobody should be able to take out their cell phone because it may be
clear who can afford a smartphone and who cannot and most importantly we need
to enforce our pants policy. Actually, forget it. Let’s just have everybody
come to school naked because that would solve the problem completely. We must
protect the innocence of children at all costs because nothing is more
obscene than obvious wealth.
I’d like to thank the administration for trying so hard to protect
me from the awful truth - a truth nobody should know - that most kids who go to
Bishop’s have money. I consider myself the face of a movement now; I call it the
“Keep-kids-ignorant-because-no-kid-should-have-to-
realize-his-friends-might-be-rich-or-poor Movement.” After all, no child should
have to deal with the reality of income inequality. Especially not the ones who
will have the most power to change it. It’s simply too great a cross to bear. I
ask you to join me in my movement to eradicate any slight glimmer of
wealthiness from our campus. No more innocent children should be forced to deal
with reality.
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