Issue 81 (2013-2014)

Isssue 81 (January 13, 2014)

Sidebar

Golden Globes

People who won Golden Globes last night (SPOILERS!!!):

MOVIES

Actor in a Drama: Matthew McConaughey

Actress in a Drama: Cate Blanchett

Actor in a Comedy: Leonardo DiCaprio

Actress in a Comedy: Amy Adams

Supporting Actor in a Comedy: Jared Leto

Supporting Actress in a Comedy: Jennifer Lawrence

TV

Actor in a Drama: Bryan Cranston

Actress in a Drama: Robin Wright

Actor in a Comedy: Andy Samberg

Actress in a Comedy: Amy Poehler

Actor, Miniseries or TV Film: Michael Douglas

Actress, Miniseries or TV Film: Elisabeth Moss

Supporting Actor: John Voight

Supporting Actress: Jacqueline Bisset

People who started their speech with “oh gosh golly I didn’t prepare anything oh no ha ha”:
LITERALLY ALL OF THEM QUICK TIP FRIENDS IF YOU ARE NOMINATED FOR A MAJOR AWARD THAT IS TO BE PRESENTED IN FRONT OF EVERYONE HOW ABOUT YOU PREPARE A SPEECH GREAT THANKS

Articles

Recycling: The Portlandian Perspective

By: Gloriana Xia (Sassmaster General of GCI)            

                Have any of you ever wondered where I got my mad recycling skills? Well, now I’ll tell you the secret to how I can toss a water bottle in the right bin just about every time - from a whopping distance of six inches, no less. It’s because spent the majority of my life up in Portland, which some of you Bishopians might place in the nebulous country of Hippieland, but really, it’s the capital of Oregon. (Salem is just a wannabe.)

                From birth, every Portlandian is indoctrinated in the subtle and mysterious art of recycling - and sometimes composting as well. Even the tiniest newborn can tell the difference between recyclable water bottles and nonrecyclable take-out boxes without even opening their eyes. And from the moment we enter school, we are brought to the city's sacred altar to sacrifice our first recyclable to the Holy Processing Plant as confirmation of our citizenship. (Fun fact: the kid in front of me accidentally chucked her water bottle into a nearby trash can during this ceremony. I don't know what became of her.)

                So how can you achieve such recycling prowess? Well I'm here to tell you how to recycle like you were born in Oregon's REAL capital in a few easy steps:

1.        Make sure the thing is actually recyclable. Examples: plastic and glass bottles, paper/cardboard, drink cans WITHOUT FOOD OR DRINK REMNANTS IN THEM

2.        Don't stress about whether it says "Plastic," "Aluminum," or "The flesh of your enemies" on top of the bin (okay, maybe stress out a little bit if you see the last one)--the law of the land here is NO MORE SORTING. All your recyclables can go in the same bin, the Holy Processing Plant will do all the sorting for you.

3.        Locate an actual recycling bin. Hold the object firmly in your hand as you search so as not to accidentally litter.

4.        Carefully insert said item into the bin.

5.        Let go and send the recyclable on its road to rebirth. You did it! <3

Also, please be advised that the following things are not recyclable:

1.       Smoothie cups and straws

2.       The checkered "boats" that you all use to put your sandwiches in

3.       Kleenex

4.       Macaroni and cheese

5.       Plastic that is not made from plastic numbers 1 or 2

6.       Sixth graders

Note that I have seen all of these things in the recycling bins this year (except for sixth graders, thank God.)

                Since last year I have seen plenty of improvement, but there's still a long way to go. Take these words to heart and help me out here, guys. Not only is recycling good for the environment, seeing trash in the wrong place makes me homesick.