Issue 98 (2013-2014)

Issue 98 (February 6, 2014)

Sidebar

Macbeth

Opens today! It’ll take your MacBreath away. You’ll love it to MacDeath! It features Justin Geier as Macbeth, Laurel Styner as Lady Macbeth, and a stellar ensemble. Check it out, kids.

Awareness Week

Today’s topic is Substance Abuse. Thank you to Peer Support for their hard work in organizing this week!

Props

To Priscilla, who had the initiative to suggest Meatless Mondays, the drive to pursue its introduction to the Bishop’s community, and the courage to publicly address criticisms in an article complete with PUNS! YOU GO GIRL HECK YEAH

Ellie Ghanbari Ellie Ghanbari Ellie Ghanbari

Got a few lyrics quizzes a while back and never got recognition. Here is her recognition! Carl Kyrillos got a recent lyrics quiz as well.

Quote of the Day

“If you stick a knife in my back nine inches and pull it out six inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out that's not progress. Progress is healing the wound that the blow made.” –Malcolm X

SPORTS

Girls’ Water Polo had a huge win against Cathedral for senior night. Final score 13-6. It rained buckets. Goal buckets.

Articles

On Meatless Mondays

By: Priscilla Hardianto (Veggie)

I would like to make a few points in response to Daniel Cohn’s article.

1. Since when would a lack of meat on Mondays make the Bishop’s lunch an “abomination”? Ms. Sweet makes some pretty delicious vegetarian options everyday. I suggest you try the salad bar or ask for a meatless option for your own enlightenment.

2. I am fourteen years old.

3. Those athletes are simply examples of people thriving on a meat free diet. There is a longer list available, but I wasn’t about to bore everyone by listing names in my article. Also, racecar driving is extremely strenuous, even if the athletes use something other than their bodies to participate in the sport. Their races are extremely fast paced and the drivers are known to sometimes sweat ten lbs. every long and arduous race. If that isn’t athletic, I don’t know what is.

4. I do not consider myself an extremely athletic person, but I am always involved in sports during the school year and am twice Jr. Lifeguard certified. However, there are also plenty of meat eaters who are not athletic, to say the least.

5. It is a popular myth that vegetarians are wimpy and terrible at sports. I must say that this is false, not only from personal experience but also because of what experts have said. Reputable sources say that athletes can thrive and gain benefits even from a VEGAN diet; I’m sure we can survive one meal without meat. Read some sources in my article to see these reputable sources. I would trust real data, facts, and research rather than the stigma associated with eating less than a truckload of meat a day.

6. Saving money is probably the least important benefit of Meatless Monday. Besides your health, the environment is also at stake (pun pun pun). For example, did you know that cows (aka “meatballs” according to some) drink on average, twenty-three gallons of water a day, according to North Dakota State University? Think about how much water that is! In fact, replacing a pound of meat with a pound of vegetables saves more water than not showering for six months (plus you won’t smell like rubbish).

7. I understand why meat is considered a “semi-healthy food”. However, we are eating way too much of it and replacing 1/21 meals with plant based foods will not hurt. I’m sure someone you know has been affected by heart disease, cancer, etc. As stated in my article, meat can contribute to both cancer and heart disease (check the links). Of course, there are plenty of other unhealthy foods (sugar, oils, fried food), but eliminating meat for one meal a week is certainly a step in the right direction.

8. Last but not least, I am not trying to convert anyone into a vegan or vegetarian. I understand this lifestyle is not for everyone, but our community can incorporate various positive aspects of this lifestyle into our cafeteria. So support Meatless Mondays. I guarantee: It will not be a missed steak (haha).

Double Zero Standard

By: Adela Pfaff (DU Staff)

This is not going to be a funny article. Monday was the body image awareness day. Posters have been spread around school with statistics about women’s views about their bodies and the number of teenage girls with eating disorders. Signs in the girl’s bathroom cleverly warm about the dangers of society’s impact on how girls view their reflections, yet there are no signs in the boys’ bathrooms sharing these same messages. It’s been a while since someone shared with me a statistic about men and eating disorders.

The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) calls the increased trends of eating disorders in males a “silent epidemic.” Men with eating disorders are much less likely to seek help for this disease, especially since the educational programs concerning body image are heavily geared towards women, since 20 million women in the United States have or have had an eating disorders. But you never hear about the 10 million men in the United States who face the same problems. Since 1997, male bodily dissatisfaction has increased from 17% to 43%.

33% of adolescent males use unhealthy body control behaviors. This includes dieting, purging (forced vomiting), binging, restricting, overexercising, and substance abuse. The fact that anorexia and bulimia are frequently reduced to teenage girl drama makes this “silent epidemic” even more debilitating. It’s hard enough for women to admit to their diseases because of the cultural stigmas, but it is almost impossible for men.

Eating disorders are not limited to anorexia and bulimia. Excessive use of steroids and protein supplements contribute to these diseases and often are considered as such. According to NEDA’s research with adolescent males, “between 28% and 68% of normal-weight males perceive themselves as underweight and report a desire to increase their muscle mass through dieting and strength training.” Unhealthy behaviors such as over-exercising affect those with eating disorders in a more profound way: malnutrition, loss in muscle density, and lanugo growth (the development of patches of fine, colourless hairs in response to heat loss) are particularly affected by overexertion without proper sustenance.

The media likes to clump those affected with these diseases into the stereotype of a dramatic and frail teenage girl. Besides romanticizing these disorders, the media has turned them into trivial problems for young, foolish girls. It is always important to remember that the victims of these diseases can be men, women, and even children.

Issue 97 (2013-2014)

Issue 97 (February 5, 2014)

Sidebar

Senior Night Day

Last home game ever for your girls wopo seniors, so mob their game at 4 on the pool deck. According to Whipple Jill Bushman, there will be cake.

Protect This House

After the wopo game, come out for some Tuesday night hoops as the Bucket Squad faces off against Country Day at 6. Free tacos for everyone if the Knights score more than 60.

Awarness Movement

Go to the quad at lunch. Your peer supporters will explain further.

PS Peer Support is tight.

Sister Encarnación

I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters tonight. For some toast.

Finally Famous

I was at a mock trial scrimmage at La Jolla High this weekend, and some LJ kids were talking about how they read the DU. They recognized me as the polite and respectful writer that never causes any trouble.

Sarcasm

Some say that it’s the lowest form of wit. I disagree.

Respect

Underclassmen are too entitled. Seniors will begin enforcing capital punishment for any bold wanderers that step foot on our lawn. Ask Jack Piegza what it feels like to be waterboarded.

Making History

The first Dungeon Costume Party was off the chain. Everyone who didn’t go was mad jealous after scoping the product on social media. Special thanks to Ms. Roche for leading some hyphy cheers.

Lyrics of the Day

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight

She likes the theater and never comes late

Meatless Mondays

Bright idea: people who don’t want to eat meat on Mondays, don’t eat meat on Mondays. People who do want to eat meat on Mondays, eat meat on Mondays. All previous or further options are inferior and should not be taken under consideration.

Articles

Dear Mr. Cohn…

By: Andy Secondine

Let us begin with the positive. I wholeheartedly agree with your proposal to get rid of the vending machines and purge the snack bar of unnecessary sugar. This I say in all sincerity. Not that I'm hopeful anything will be done, but I agree with you.

As for the critique, let me begin by saying that I have been a vegetarian for 6 years. In that time, I've somehow managed to play varsity water polo and make the varsity swim team. Now both of the sports in question take a fairly high caloric toll, so don't tell me that a single vegetarian meal will hurt you. In fact, I suspect that you already eat such meals. If the cafeteria had simply changed over to a vegetarian meal, I suspect that you wouldn't have noticed. Now, if you're really worried about your protein intake, perhaps you ought to lobby for whey shakes, which have a far better ratio of protein to calories than meat, but please don't complain on the notion that meat is absolutely necessary.

There was an air of entitlement about your piece that really struck a nerve for me. Less than one percent of the student body may be allergic to peanuts, but that does not mean their needs should be ignored. I love peanut butter as much as the next guy, I actually went on a multi-city quest to find it this summer, but that does not mean someone should have to go into anaphylactic shock for the sake of my want. And the school has chosen not to provide breakfast burritos anymore. Perhaps the tuition money the student body contributes is put to use preparing restaurant quality food for 800+ people, perhaps even paying the faculty and staff. The article ends in a statement of defiance. You say that, were this hypothetical proposal to pass, you would be forced to provide for "us athletes." This use of a plural implies the existence of a larger group, of a coalition. It's also a classic bullying tactic. I realize that this was, hopefully, intended as satire; however, I would like to know, in all honesty, who "us athletes," a group incapable of going without meat for a single meal in a week, consists of. Certainly not myself.

As for the rest of you, ranting about problems is fun. I know that. But it doesn't get anything done. If you have a serious complaint, by all means, write a DU article. They would be happy to have your submissions. But then make a proposal to the administration. I know I might seem a bit hypocritical here, but I have been satisfied with the management of the school. In fact, the only thing I would change is this attitude in the student body that they, we, have been wronged. Give me a break. We go to one of the best high schools in the city. The majority of us, myself included, live exceedingly comfortable lives. Now, there are still problems, and they should still be discussed. But, one vegetarian meal a week, really? Get over yourselves. Show me that you can do something about the things you care about.

Issue 96 (2013-2014)

Issue 96 (February 4, 2014)

Sidebar

Shakespeare Contest Winner

Congratulations to Nicholas Gibbons for winning the Bishop’s Shakespeare competition!!!! When you congratulate him, be sure to first bow or curtsey, and to address him as “Honest Launcelot Gobbo.”

Macbeth

Go see Macbeth this weekend and next weekend in the theater. If you want to know the exact times, ask Laurel Styner, who looks very fierce with black hair. You go, girl.

Refections

Come on, guys (I’m looking at you Narrative Fiction and Poetry students) submit to your local literary magazine at reflectionslitmagazine @gmail.com. And if you didn’’t submit a style imitation or art profile, that’d be greaaaat.

A Message From Thomas Higginson

"I've discovered the origins of one-handed tennis." - Mr. Davis

This isn't even from our interview scheduled for Wednesday. More to come soon from the world of competitive/noncompetitive action, boring/exciting nonchalant fancy gentleman's mustaches, tennis.

Woody Allen

Since it came to pass that my father and I were arguing over which daughter was the one he molested and married and which was the one he only molested, I will be boycotting his new movie, Blue Jasmine. I suggest you do the same.

Lyrics Quiz

My heart thumps, not from being nervous, sometimes I’m thinking God made me special here on purpose.

Articles

Meatless Mondays? Hm…

By: Daniel Cohn (Esteemed Guest Writer)

This is my first (and likely my last) DU article as my fifth year at Bishop's nears a close.

I remember in 7th grade (possibly before Priscilla was born) that one of the school's brightest attractions to new students was its food. Since then, I have witnessed a number of food atrocities in my years. These include the discontinuation of peanut butter during the middle of 7th grade for soy butter (due to the less than 1% of the 750 person student body who have peanut allergies), breakfast burritos after 8th grade, and Evolution Juice after 9th ("too expensive for the school").

However, none of those food cuts compare to the abomination proposed by Ms. Priscilla Hardianto (Class of 2018). Her idea—for the 50% of the school that does not check their Bishop’s email—is to eliminate meat at lunch on Mondays.

In Priscilla’s argument, she states that one gains as much valuable nutrients from vegetables as meat and listed six athletes (two of which are race car drivers so basically four) such as Joe Namath, Carl Lewis, and Mike Tyson, who are "veggies". Are you really going to tell me that a human is a vegetable? In addition, I did some research on Mike Tyson and his vegan diet. He only became a vegan after he quit boxing.

Furthermore, the argument claims that a meat-free lunch will not affect an athlete’s performance. Priscilla, I would like to ask what varsity sports teams you are on and how your game has been affected by your diet.

However, my biggest problem with this meat-free proposal is the financial ramifications. I believe only the reason the school has even allowed this proposal to reach "Survey Monkey status" is because one meat-free lunch a week would save the school a considerable amount of money. Instead of attacking the one semi-healthy part of the Bishop's cafeteria, I propose we change the largest problem with our diets: the extreme amounts of sugar. If we wish to make our school a healthier environment, the school should get rid of the vending machine completely and filter the junk out of the snack bar. Instead, the school could possibly serve smoothies or fresh fruit. However, sadly this will not happen as the vending machine and snack bar are money making machines. Our health teachers tell us to watch what we eat, yet the school teases students with unhealthy junk food. If we are going pay $32,000 in tuition, you would think the school could buy higher quality meats (ex:organic lean meat) that have barely any fat one day a week, which would satisfy your healthy proposal without removing choice.

Sadly, if this proposal passes, I will be forced to either bring a homemade meat lunch or take up the idea Portable Grill Mondays and cook up some steaks and hot dogs so us athletes will have something to eat.

A Fresh Kind of Hell

By: Greg Feiner (Victim)

A dangerous new phenomenon is spreading across America, finding its way into the hands of our children, and destroying their lives before they even get a chance to say no.

What might this phenomenon be, you may ask? Is it a dangerous new drug? A new, violent gang? No. Worse. Much, much worse.

I am talking about Flappy Bird, an iPhone game so evil, so unbelievably difficult, that strangers will see you screaming and swearing at your phone and say, “Flappy Bird, huh? That’s rough. That’s real rough.”

Created by a man named Dong Nguyen, (perhaps as a kind of revenge for the teasing he must have received… after the incident at the park) this game is simple on the surface; all you have to do is make a stupid, fricking bird flap its way through some pipes. But, inexplicably, it is impossible, and the rage that erupts after you die in this game burns hotter than Mt. Vesuvius playing Flappy Bird.

So if a friend is thinking about downloading Flappy Bird, discourage them, and if they don’t listen to you, slap them, and if they still don’t listen to you, drop their phone in a toilet. In the long run, they will thank you.

Issue 95 (2013-2014)

Issue 95 (February 3, 2014)

Sidebar

SuperBowl Sunday

SuperBowl Sunday was yesterday, although you may not have noticed it because your teachers forgot that it was a national holiday and gave you homework anyway.

Even More About the SuperBowl

After the game, a man interrupted MVP Malcom Smith's speech and told viewers to investigate 911 and that it was perpetrated by members of the US government. Malcom Smith aptly responded, "Uhh all riiight."

RIP Phillip Hoffman (OpEd)

You could say that there's no reason to, or even that it's wrong to commemorate celebrity deaths. It adds to the culture of celeb worship. Especially when a star dies of drug overdose, people say we shouldn't feel pity for the person's poor choices. Because they clearly chose and wanted to die alone in an appartment siezing to death, or choking on their own vomit or having a heart attack. Addiction is a disease, not a choice. Feeling no empathy for these people's deaths would be like feeling no empathy for a skin cancer victim because it was their choice to not put sunscreen on. Considering the environment these celebrities live in, where hard drugs are obscenely commonplace and the stress of millions of watching eyes is always present, how much of that initial line of coke or injection of heroine was even their choice? I agree that we shouldn't focus so much on celebrity deaths in the news. Each person is as important as the next. We're all human. Being a celebrity or a nobody doesn't make you any more or less or vice versa. So feel sorry for the struggle Mr. Hoffman must have gone through. Feel for everyone around you. After all, the bell tolls for thee.

Articles

The SuperBowl From My Perspective

By Matt Kerr (DU Staff Writer)

In the most exciting SuperBowl of all time, the Ocean Birds and the Bulls were squaring off to see who would take home the girl and the big trophy. Whoever wins is crowned with great honor and will be shown in the advertisements for next year’s SuperBowl. The heat is on. As players rushed out to the field, somebody sang the national anthem and hit the last note for 20 straight minutes. The players saluted the flag and tears ran down their cheeks. Whoever won would be America’s sweetheart. Then the game really kicked off (no pun intended hahahahahahhaa). Players dashed back and forth, doing somersaults, flailing on the turf, and whenever they did the thing and got a point, a Macklemore song echoed loudly throughout the stadium. Caucasian sports fans everywhere rejoiced and danced to “Can’t Hold Us,” as all of Seattle uproariously cheered for their fur-coat wearing god.

Later in the game, as players sweat Gatorade like in the commercials and Bruno Mars smashed his drum set into millions of pieces, dads and sons everywhere rejoiced with each individual touchdown. Unless you were like me and were watching the newest episode of “Girls” in your room instead. They would yell: “THE TEAM DID THE THING!” and passionately hug each other. Couches would screech against the floors, beer cans would occasionally spill, and shocked wives would cower in fear as they sheepishly brought out appetizers for their husbands and friends. “Who’s winning?”, a wife in a soft purple sweater would ask her spouse of twenty-plus years. Rolling his eyes, the husband would sneer: “You just don’t get sports, honey.”

In one commercial, a really bratty kid tried to be a smart-aleck to his hardworking mother, who had just come home from an exhausting day at work.

“Can you help me with the groceries?”, she pleads.

“I don’t know, can you?”, the boy spits back. How dare you. She works endless hours at the office every single day to give your ungrateful butt those Doritos that you never stop whining about. I’m sure you’ll still be annoyingly correcting people’s grammar in 30 years when you have a tattoo of a teardrop on your cheek.

In conclusion, the SuperBowl was an incredible experience for both teams. And in the end, it wasn’t about who won, but it was about the friends made along the way, the journey taken. Kobe played a great game. Let’s give everybody involved a big round of applause and a pat on the back.

Academic League (aka Nerd Fights)

By Brian Anglin (Guest Writer)

Imagine an orange room. Our orange room. The room where ping pong balls and pool cues crown champions of the one-round, winner-takes-all, passing-period games. Now imagine five members of the Advanced Honors Physics class seated behind a series of name cards next to the pool table. Next to them, five Francis Parker students sit, shuffling papers. Around them, parents, friends, and classmates squat and sit on every remotely horizontal surface in the crowded room. A man standing at a podium politely asks for quiet, the teams check the buzzers, the captains (Alex for Bishops and Rickey for Parker) say a few opening remarks, and it begins.

The man at the podium starts talking. A loud buzz stops him mid-syllable. The boy seated in front of him acknowledges Rickey’s buzz and Rickey  answers the question. This continued for a few minutes. Back and forth,  Banta, Rickey, Connor, Rickey, Banta.

Parker fought and fought hard but their grasp on the win slowly sipped away until Joseph Oh ripped it out of their hands. Not more than four words in, Joseph Oh calmly pressed the buzzer. “Theodore Roosevelt” The kick was good. The crowd erupted in boisterous excitement. Although Joseph’s words sounded like “Theodore Roosevelt”, Rickey heard the real message, “This is our house.”

We went on to win by about 50 to 25. Parker barely mustered a whimper as Bishop’s swiftly picked up a few more points, just for kicks. As my first academic league match, I could not have asked for more. The crowd, my friends, the radiant orange rec room, everything made for a perfect introduction the hyper-competitive world of Academic league and I’d hate for anyone to graduate without seeing at least one match. So get out and protect B-house!

Issue 94 (2013-2014)

Issue 94 (January 31, 2014)

Sidebar

Last Friday Night

Katy Perry once released a crappy record about what she did last Friday night, but too bad she’s a nerd and has been going downhill since she kissed a girl. You have the chance to not be a nerd, and make Friday night history. It’s your time to be under the spotlight.

This Friday Night

Where are you going to be? That’s right. Eva May Square Garden. The site of the very first Dungeon Costume Party. Wear whatever you can find – old costumes, weird hats, etc. It’s Halloween in January. Never been done before. If you all participate, it’ll be legen-wait for it- dary.

Preview

The girls play at 6, coming off a big win against LJCD. Look for  Imani and co. to pull off an easy one in style. At 7:30, the guys play. Dempsey, the best thing to come out of Arizona since Arizona Iced Tea, and Lizanich, certified Phil-osopher, look to continue on their quest to make bank and drive Range Rovers.

Remember, the first five rows of the stands are the splash zone, so bring your umbrellas and ponchos.

Articles

Alphamale of Life

By: Nessa Garcia

Two days ago, I learned a lot from Dr. Terrence Roberts, not just from his significant history as one of the Little Rock Nine, but also from his other life experiences. If you do the math, Central High only makes up 0.7% of Dr. Roberts’s life, and I found that the insight I gained from his other experiences was just as intriguing:

Lesson #1: Never incorrectly use the word “like.” After I had been called out by Dr. Roberts in front of about 800 people, this rule finally sank in for me. At first, I simply felt humiliated, but after sitting in to listen to Dr. Roberts for two lunches and an APUSH class, I understood where he was coming from. “Be the CEO of your life,” he stated, “which means, always be aware of yourself and what your goals are. Even simple things, like being aware of your language, can get you in this mindset.” It wasn’t until later that I realized why filler-words are so terrible: they’re completely, utterly useless. If I’m running my life like a business, the most logical thing to do would be to choose my words carefully instead of using unnecessary language.

Lesson #2: Give your audience what they need and want. While I sat through a total of four different audiences, I noticed how Dr. Roberts adapted to each group and let them choose the agenda. For the middle schoolers, most questions were about factual, objective details. Things like, “Could you play on sport teams?” and “Did you befriend any white people?” were asked. Meanwhile, the older grades asked more abstract and intellectual questions, such as, “Is ignorance the fault of the individual or his/her parents?” In both settings, Dr. Roberts answered thoughtfully and concisely, adding his own theories or stories to the discussion as he saw fit. Despite the different groups, Dr. Roberts still managed to keep everyone engaged, and he openly accepted any one who questioned his ideas. Thus, his demeanor and presentation left with this: if you want to impact people, you have to earn your credibility by both addressing your audience’s wants and engaging them.

As you can see, Dr. Roberts easily deserves the prestigious Alphamale title, as he has inspired us all in ways that we’ll continue to discover.   

Juice Cleansing: The Hidden Danger

By: Celeste Crawford

       As I stumble through life as a teenage girl, I find myself baffled by a lot of things. For example: the use of the term “turnt up.” Lately I find myself perplexed by the idea of “cleanses.” When I first heard of cleanses, I imagined they might involve a lot of goat’s blood and unnatural head spinning. Then I found out cleanses are actually really different from exorcisms. A cleanse, or “juicing,” is the practice of consuming only fruit and vegetable juices for a set period of time (usually three days) in order to get rid of toxins. What exactly are toxins? Well, from what I understand, they’re a lot like demons in that they possess your body. Other than that, they’re kind of an enigma. 

       But I think juice cleansers have failed to ask themselves one key question that demands to be asked before you make any decision, dietary or ortherwise. Bears. Bears are the question. What if you get chased by one? How will this decision affect your ability to escape? Outrunning bears requires a great deal of alertness and stamina, and from what I’ve heard, juice cleanses tend to leave you weak, hazy, and debilitated. Will your fruit juice be enough to sustain you as you sprint through the trees? No. Will you pass out on the ground and inevitably be mauled by a bear as I run to safety? Absolutely.  

       And aside from the imminent threat of bears that you subject yourself to every time you cleanse, it’s also just an ineffective way to lose weight. Like most crash diets, they cause you to drop weight quickly then gain it back once you begin eating normally again. For a much healthier way to achieve permanent weight loss, I suggest that you watch the film 127 Hours to pick up some tips. 

Issue 93 (2013-2014)

Issue 93 (January 30, 2014)

Sidebar

Oscars

The song “Alone Yet Not Alone” has had its Oscar nomination revoked. Which means that “Let it Go” from Frozen is that much closer to winning!

Justin Bieber

Turned himself into the police for assaulting a limousine driver last December. I guess his trouble with the police wasn’t just a “One Time” thing! HEYOOOOOOOO

Thank You

To Dr. Terrence Roberts, for coming to Bishop’s and enriching us with his experience, knowledge, and opinions.

Lyrics Quiz

Numbers I’ve got by the dozen

Everyone’s uncle and cousin

But I can’t live without buzzin’

Pennsylvania Six Five Thousand

Lyrics Quiz 2

This carol they began that hour,

With a hey and a ho and a hey nonny no

How that life was but a flower

In the springtime, the only pretty ring time,

When all the pretty birds do sing, hey ding a ding ding;

Sweet lovers love the spring.

Word of the Day

Sycophant:

1) A brown noser, one who kisses up to authority in order to gain advantage.

2) An elephant with a nasy chest cold that he just can’t get rid of, no matter how many herbal remedies he tries.

Articles

Who Is Your Perfect Date?

By: Adela Pfaff (Actual Anime Character)

1. What is your biggest date deal-breaker?

a. I hate plays! They’re so boring.

b. Indian food is so gross!

c. I hate the beach. Too many cover-ups.

d. Tea.

2. Favourite song?

a. Suit and Tie (and Stovepipe Hat) by Justin Timberlake ft. Jay-Z

b. Ms. Jackson by OutKast

c. Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen

d. Revolution by The Beatles

3. Perfect vacation?

a. The East Coast. Probably somewhere up north.

b. Viejas Casino and Resort

c. Hawaii of course.

d. Winter cruise across the Delaware river!

4. What do you most like about yourself?

a. My height.

b. My tenacity.

c. My ears.

d. My smile.

If you answered mostly As, your perfect date is Abraham Lincoln! Your union with the tall, dark, and handsome president Lincoln is sure to be successful! And if it isn’t, I’m sure he’ll still be civil.

If you answered mostly Bs, your perfect date is Andrew Jackson! But be careful with this “old hickory” heartbreaker, he could leave you in a trail of tears. Either way, he’ll usher in your era of the common man.

If you answered mostly Cs, your perfect date is Barack Obama! This charmer is a real softie and truly Obamacares about your problems. Yes you can go out with this hunk, especially considering he’s the only one on this list who is still alive.

If you answered mostly Ds, your perfect date is George Washington! This inspiring insurgent is sure to capture your heart, but don’t kiss this revolutionary rebel too hard. One word: splinters. 

Devil’s Due: Review

By: Colin Garon (Devil’s DU)

Yes, I saw Devil’s Due. No, I’m not proud.

Like many other recent horror movies, most notably the Paranormal Activity series, Devil’s Due uses a found-footage format to tell the story of one everyday woman’s shocking demonic pregnancy. A proud newlywed husband decides to videotape every moment of his married life, and as a result unwittingly chronicles the nine months during which the Antichrist develops in his wife’s womb. Highlights include a minute-long shot of the wife eating raw lamb in a supermarket while a shocked boy looks on, a shot of the wife eating a freshly killed deer while shocked teenagers look on, and a shot of the wife smashing in a car’s windows while a shocked husband looks on.

The premise of the movie is intriguing. But its execution was shoddy—it was never really scary, and this is coming from me, who is still scared of the demon from Insidious over a year later. In the end, it simply conforms to too many horror tropes, and is as a result very predictable and very mundane.

Devil’s Due had some nice points—the above highlights, for example, as well as the performances of its actors, which were good—but ultimately, its worse points—its failure to scare—detracted from the overall experience. I would not recommend seeing this movie, or any sequels that come from it. (The first sequel would, of course, be called Devil’s 2.) In fact, I’d go so far as to say that if you planned to see this movie, Devil’s DON’T! Because honestly, that pun is scarier and more shocking than Devil’s Due in its entirety.

20/100

Issue 92 (2013-2014)

Issue 92 (January 29, 2014)

Sidebar

State of the Union

It is not necessary to clap every time Obama says freedom, democracy, or new jobs. But if you don’t, you hate America.

Tommy’s Joke of the Day

What did the chemist say when someone threw sodium chloride at him?

That’s a salt.

Pitbull featuring Ke$ha

Come out today at Eva May to see the Girls Basketball team put a stomp on Country Day. Show up and don’t forget the Alamo or to yell timber when you’re cutting down some Torreys (joke creds: Alarisse).

 Articles

Things I Like About Bishop’s

By: Dan Forssman

At Bishop’s, it’s easy to write bitter rants about the uniform, or to find something to complain about, but often we forget to mention or be thankful for the things we love. Here’s a list of things I like about Bishop’s. It’s far from finished, and if you think it’s missing something, then I encourage you to make your own. Instead of searching for the things  that make you mad, find the things that do just the opposite, and dwell on them. They don’t last forever. Here you go:

Bonnie’s sandwiches

The umbrella

Colorful backpacks

Eva May

Announcements

The old library

E Days

Middle school PE

Soft starts

Advisory (Freestyle Fridays)

Lebowitz

Spongebob club

Milkbreak

Upper Cummins bathroom

The Dungeon

Peer Support

That one tree

Shorts

Running LJ

The Daily Urinal

Wheeler Bailey

Rollercoasters

Field Hockey

Cutting corners on the quad

Some teachers

Some students

A lot of moments

Under The Microscope

By: Emily Gao

To some, Ben Duehr is a father, to others a sass sensei, and to a rare few, he is Aquaman.  Perhaps you may have spotted him as he saunters to his room, to the pavilion in bodacious Christmas apparel, or out of the ocean waves.  Learn more about the wonders of Benjamin Duehr right here.

Ideal dinner date & food:

“I like Mexican food...so that’d be appropriate. Uh, lots of chips and salsa. *pantomimes eating chips with salsa* Who would [my dinner date] be? This is a tough one... I would go with Darwin and be like “why did you marry your first cousin?”

Duehr-ble task:

“...telling a tidepool story with hand puppets and then later giving a college level lecture.”

Teaching superpower:

 “Hostility...Maybe shooting lasers out of my eyes to get students to stop sleeping. Even though you HAVE to take Biology, you should WANT to. Like wow ‘I know I’m not going to be a scientist, I know I’m not going to be a biologist but I [sure] appreciate knowing this stuff now.’ ”

He’s got his own TV show! It’s called:  

My wife and I often comment, “is this real life?” on our kids behavior because we can’t believe what our kids are doing. Maybe a reality TV show on that or I also like Survivor esque shows... perhaps “Mr Duehr presents: Classroom Survival.”

What’s with the Christmas sweaters? Did you just slip one on and have a rush of power?:

“I think Mr. Samale and I thought it would be fun to have an official “sweater day” ... So I went out to Walmart and bought one for both of us- matching- so we had them and we got such  a fabulous response that I was encouraged to obtain more and more and now its like, a culture thing. ... my sister actually bought me one yesterday. I now own a total of eighteen.”