Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Issue 93 (2013-2014)

Issue 93 (January 30, 2014)

Sidebar

Oscars
The song “Alone Yet Not Alone” has had its Oscar nomination revoked. Which means that “Let it Go” from Frozen is that much closer to winning!

Justin Bieber
Turned himself into the police for assaulting a limousine driver last December. I guess his trouble with the police wasn’t just a “One Time” thing! HEYOOOOOOOO

Thank You
To Dr. Terrence Roberts, for coming to Bishop’s and enriching us with his experience, knowledge, and opinions.

Lyrics Quiz
Numbers I’ve got by the dozen
Everyone’s uncle and cousin
But I can’t live without buzzin’
Pennsylvania Six Five Thousand

Lyrics Quiz 2
This carol they began that hour,
With a hey and a ho and a hey nonny no
How that life was but a flower
In the springtime, the only pretty ring time,
When all the pretty birds do sing, hey ding a ding ding;
Sweet lovers love the spring.

Word of the Day
Sycophant:
1) A brown noser, one who kisses up to authority in order to gain advantage.
2) An elephant with a nasy chest cold that he just can’t get rid of, no matter how many herbal remedies he tries.


Articles


Who Is Your Perfect Date?
By: Adela Pfaff (Actual Anime Character)

1. What is your biggest date deal-breaker?
a. I hate plays! They’re so boring.
b. Indian food is so gross!
c. I hate the beach. Too many cover-ups.
d. Tea.

2. Favourite song?
a. Suit and Tie (and Stovepipe Hat) by Justin Timberlake ft. Jay-Z
b. Ms. Jackson by OutKast
c. Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen
d. Revolution by The Beatles

3. Perfect vacation?
a. The East Coast. Probably somewhere up north.
b. Viejas Casino and Resort
c. Hawaii of course.
d. Winter cruise across the Delaware river!

4. What do you most like about yourself?
a. My height.
b. My tenacity.
c. My ears.
d. My smile.

If you answered mostly As, your perfect date is Abraham Lincoln! Your union with the tall, dark, and handsome president Lincoln is sure to be successful! And if it isn’t, I’m sure he’ll still be civil.

If you answered mostly Bs, your perfect date is Andrew Jackson! But be careful with this “old hickory” heartbreaker, he could leave you in a trail of tears. Either way, he’ll usher in your era of the common man.

If you answered mostly Cs, your perfect date is Barack Obama! This charmer is a real softie and truly Obamacares about your problems. Yes you can go out with this hunk, especially considering he’s the only one on this list who is still alive.

If you answered mostly Ds, your perfect date is George Washington! This inspiring insurgent is sure to capture your heart, but don’t kiss this revolutionary rebel too hard. One word: splinters. 


Devil’s Due: Review
By: Colin Garon (Devil’s DU)
Yes, I saw Devil’s Due. No, I’m not proud.
Like many other recent horror movies, most notably the Paranormal Activity series, Devil’s Due uses a found-footage format to tell the story of one everyday woman’s shocking demonic pregnancy. A proud newlywed husband decides to videotape every moment of his married life, and as a result unwittingly chronicles the nine months during which the Antichrist develops in his wife’s womb. Highlights include a minute-long shot of the wife eating raw lamb in a supermarket while a shocked boy looks on, a shot of the wife eating a freshly killed deer while shocked teenagers look on, and a shot of the wife smashing in a car’s windows while a shocked husband looks on.
The premise of the movie is intriguing. But its execution was shoddy—it was never really scary, and this is coming from me, who is still scared of the demon from Insidious over a year later. In the end, it simply conforms to too many horror tropes, and is as a result very predictable and very mundane.
Devil’s Due had some nice points—the above highlights, for example, as well as the performances of its actors, which were good—but ultimately, its worse points—its failure to scare—detracted from the overall experience. I would not recommend seeing this movie, or any sequels that come from it. (The first sequel would, of course, be called Devil’s 2.) In fact, I’d go so far as to say that if you planned to see this movie, Devil’s DON’T! Because honestly, that pun is scarier and more shocking than Devil’s Due in its entirety.
20/100

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