Issue 78 (2013-2014)

Issue 78 (January 8, 2014)

Sidebar

Exciting New Television

House of Cards returns on February 14^th, when all of the episodes of Season 2 will be uploaded to Netflix. Sherlock returns January 19^th on PBS.

Super Bolo?

Phillip Rivers and his bolo tie have led the Chargers to five straight wins, including their first playoff  win since 2008 over Andy “Red-headed Stepchild” Dalton and the Cincinnati Bengals. Next week, the Bolts head to Denver to bully Peyton “Chekov” Manning and the Broncos.

Jameis Winston

Forget the comeback win over Auburn, did you see the postgame interview?

Dennis Rodman

Rodman  is again in Pyongyang, North Korea, playing basketball for Kim Jong-Un. Afterwards, the two plan to catch a movie and snuggle. 

Yesterday’s Winners

Former editor Thomas King guessed both lyrics quizzes correctly, “Reptillia” by The Strokes and  “Blister In The Sun” by the Violent Femmes. Ms. Ryan also got the Violent Femmes one correct.

Lyrics Quiz #1

I think I’ll go home and mull this over

Before I cram it down my throat.

At long last it’s crashed, its colossal mass

Has broken up into bits in my moat

Lyrics Quiz #2

Down in the shadow of the pennitentiary.

Out by the gas fires of the refinery

I’m ten years burning down the road

Nowhere to run, ain’t got nowhere to go.

Articles

Winter Break Movie Round-up

By: Greg Feiner (Esteemed Film Critic)

                Welcome back everybody! I don’t know if anybody took notice over break, but movie theaters are currently LOADED with quality cinema. Whether you’re into action movies, brain-candy comedies, sophisticated Oscar contenders, or a mixture of all three, there is a movie out there that you will enjoy.

                Here are a few bite-size reviews of the four movies that I saw over break.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

                I’m still not quite sure how Peter Jackson is stretching a 300-page children’s book into roughly nine hours worth of movies, but gosh darnit, he’s doing it anyway. I thought An Unexpected Journey was entertaining enough, if not particularly great. However, I was pleasantly surprised by Desolation. The first movie was more of an introduction than anything else; this movie provides the meat of the Hobbit story, the real adventure.

                The only negative thing about Desolation is its ending, a massive cliffhanger. But otherwise, it is a fun, entertaining film.

79/100

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

                I thought that this movie provided some really clever satire about the news industry and a lot of really intelligent insights into American culture.

                I’m kidding. It was one of the silliest movies I’ve ever seen.

                If I had to describe this movie in three words, those three words would be, “that escalated quickly.” The first half proved as ridiculous as the first movie; Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy was as legendary as ever, as were the rest of the news team. But the second half reaches a new, mythical level of ridiculous. Ron bottle-feeds a great white shark, for instance, and there is a news team fight that is so funny, you’ll think you’re hallucinating. It’s glorious.

                This movie is a great one to turn your brain off to. Don’t question it, just let it happen.

83/100

The Wolf of Wall Street

                This movie attacks you like a coked-out grizzly bear.

                It has more f-bombs than Al Pacino’s body of work, enough drugs to kill Ozzy Osbourne, twice, and orgies that would put Caligula to shame. But what’s most disturbing is that at least some of the stuff actually happened.

                Director Martin Scorsese presents this material masterfully, always providing enough of Jordan Belfort’s wretched excess to illustrate how terrible of a person he is, but always cutting away before the audience wants to throw up. Though a little repetitive at times, it’s his best film since The Departed.

                Leo DiCaprio is incredible. This is his best performance since Blood Diamond, perhaps the best of his career. He and a supporting cast headed by Jonah Hill are likely to get at least two Oscar nominations.

                In addition to being entertaining, Wolf touches on such themes as corruption, excess, and abuse of power. I could talk about this movie for weeks.

95/100

American Hustle

                I haven’t seen 12 Years A Slave or Inside Llewyn Davis yet, but American Hustle is my current vote for Best Picture. It is everything you could ever possibly want in a movie.

                To say that the acting was incredible would be a drastic understatement. Director David O. Russell (The Fighter, Silver Linings Playbook) is known for coaxing great performances out of his actors, but he has truly outdone himself this time. Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, and Jennifer Lawrence all deserve Oscars. Bale, in particular, is unrecognizable.  He is so invested in his character that you sometimes forget that he’s acting. It really is hard to believe it’s the same guy who played Batman.

                The script, penned by David O. Russell and Eric Singer, is as awesome, dynamic, and flat out cool as its characters. It is funny, but also dramatic. The plot twists and turns and spirals and loop-de-loops in directions you’d never expect, and it is just as engaging on an intellectual level, an amalgam of clever and cool. 

                American Hustle is one of those rare movies that I can’t think of anything bad to say about. Go see it immediately.

100/100

Issue 77 (2013-2014)

Issue 77 (January 7, 2014)

Sidebar

Happy Second Day of the Second Semester of the Year of the Senior!

SPORTS.

Today Men's Soccer is playing Cathedral at Cathedral. Varsity kicks off at 6 pm. Rumor has it that new recruit Tripp Twyman will make his debut. If for some reason you miss it, you will have another chance to watch the team play rival Francis Parker in their first league game of the year at Bishop's, Thursday right after school.

OTHER SPORTS.

There are probably other sports going on this week as well. The Lady Knights Soccer team for example has several games. I unfortunately am nerdy and unathletic so I wouldn't know when they are. Contact your local Dungeon representative for more accurate scheduling details.

Observation of the Day

The Bishops' version of abandoned New Year's Resolutions is parking. At the beginning of second semester (and after most breaks for that matter) people show up obscenely early to school. Most parking spots will be taken up by 7:05. As the weeks go on however, people rapidly lose their motivation and ability to wake up that early as their hours of sleep begin to dwindle.

Lyrics Quiz

I said please don't slow me down

If I'm moving too fast

You're in a strange

Part of our town

Heathen

It's a struggle just to keep breathing

Existential asthmatic

Let me go on, like I blister in the sun

Let me go

Big hands I know you're the one

Articles

Wordplay

By Erik Schrunk (Veteran FB Status Updater)

GOOD-SOUNDING WORDS:

1. Essence: This word is literally the essence of mellifluousness, which isn't a bad word itself. Say "essence" to yourself. Listen to the way it rolls of your tongue, leaving a trail of golden harmony. That trail is actually drool, because the word is making you salivate at its intense appeal. That's okay. Say the word to yourself some more. Nobody will think you're insane. We all like to do it, after all. (Think you're insane, that is.)

2. Cadence: This other -nce word rings with the beauty of a musical cadence. Don't you love it when the sound of a word embodies its definition? Maybe one day "Erik" will be a synonym for "viciously, devastatingly handsome." Oops. Did I say that out loud? #sorrynotsorry (see Tina? I'm using hashtags now.)

BAD-SOUNDING WORDS:

1. Forceps: This word evokes the metallic, painful displeasure of getting your gums and tongue accidentally skewered by a dentist wielding a vile hooked instrument. The forceps is the device holding your mouth open wide enough that you can't even summon a priest to perform last rites before you perish at the hands of the sinister dentist. I can't imagine why you'd use the word in a sentence unless either you are a sadistic dentist or you work in a forceps factory. Either way, help us all out and do something else.

2. Scalp: Okay, first of all, please display some common courtesy by not bringing up your scalp in conversation. Second, this word is so gross-sounding that, even if you felt the need to go into detail about your scalp, you would hold back anyway. Don't believe me? Go ahead, engage yourself in a scalp-related conversation. See how far it gets. 

Issue 76 (2013-2014)

Issue 76 (January 6, 2014)

Sidebar

Welcome Back!

For real, kids. Have a delightful second semester.

Happy New Year!

2014 WHAT WHAT

IT’S A BIG YEAR KIDS I’M SURE MANY THINGS WILL HAPPEN

Crazy Sock Day

It’s a crazy sock day, friends! Hopefully everyone is either wearing crazy socks or mentally kicking themselves for forgetting to wear crazy socks.

Lyrics Quiz

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

Things to Remember for Second Semester

1)      Homework

2)      Your schedule

3)      Pants

4)      Writing Utensils

5)      Turning Points (Marbury vs. Madison! JUDICIAL REVIEW!!! SEMI-INSIDE JOKE!)

6)      Forgivenness

7)      Basic Mathematics

8)      Vocabulary

9)      Time management

10)   Have fun and be yourself!

HAVE A GOOD DAY, FRIENDS.

Articles

New Year, New Article Full of Pictures of Sun Bears

By: Colin Garon (Has run out of non-sun bear related conversation topics)

                This year, my New Year’s resolutions were to a) get out more, and b) obsess over sun bears even more. And because I like to get things done early, I did both in late December 2013 with a nice family trip to the San Diego Zoo. So to start off the semester right, let’s all take a moment and celebrate the natural majesty of the sun bear. Take a walk with me down:

I walk a lonely road; the only one that I have ever known.

                Here is a sun bear proudly pacing its enclosure.

                Fear me, it says. Respect me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. It quotes Aretha Franklin, showing that it is cultured as well as wonderful, and has a healthy appreciation for the Queen of Soul. A zookeeper throws food at it from above. If we were in the wild, says the bear, I would tear you limb from limb with my freakishly long sun bear claws. The zookeeper, dead-eyed and cold-hearted, tosses a few more food-looking bits in a perfunctory fashion. She is the worst.

                It prepares to jump from a high and treacherous rocky ledge and alight smoothly onto the cold stones below. It is agile and fleet of foot, like a carnivorous bear-shaped rabbit. It leaps like a large, furry, four-legged grasshopper and lands perfectly, like a cat, except actually a sun bear the whole time. It is a wondrous thing to behold.

An illustration provided by the San Diego Zoo reminds us that despite their beauty and grace, sun bears are WILD BEASTS GIVEN TO FITS OF TEMPER. It stares accusingly, its beady eyes glowing with malice beneath multiple face wrinkles. It lifts its claws menacingly. Despite all this, it is still the most wonderful and kind creature on Earth.

2014 is the Year of the Sun Bear. Let the year begin. 

Issue 75 (2013-2014)

Issue 75 (December 16, 2013)

Sidebar

Dear Ms. Roche,

I don’t like Bishop’s because I get beat up at school when I’m trying to get my popsicle like those kids at La Jolla High that go to Rigo’s. Even though I don’t like popsicles because they drip all over my hands because your campus is way too hot for me, I still get in the line of sweaty people and emerge with bruises and permanent scars. The mix of pushing, shoving, and name-calling that occurs in those Fun Friday frozen treat lines is exactly the type of bullying Mr. Chang warned us about in his presentation. And, Ms. Roche, how dare you allow those seniors to play country music? Do you have any respect for people like myself who don’t think Luke Bryan is a total babe? You are very cunning, trying to reward students for their hard work with time to relax, listen to music, and relieve their stress. But I see past your base scheming. It is all a plot to make us miserable. Ms. Roche, stop being nice to us because  everything is your fault. And let me wear spaghetti straps and sport a bare midriff, for goodness’ sake. Bishop’s sucks. Oh, and so does the Dungeon. They never go to any games or do anything.

Sincerely,

Dan Forssman

Articles

 A Response

Now, before I reply to the article written on Friday I want to make a couple things clear. First, I’m not attempting to be condescending or rude. I simply have an opinion about the article that I’d like to convey. Second, I understand what the intention of the article was, but I believe that it was poorly executed and was unintentionally hurtful to certain parts of the Bishop’s community.

I first read the article in Mr. Mulgrew’s English class. We discussed the contents and came to the conclusion that, again, while we understood the intent, it came off as sarcastic in an unkind way. Calling this campus “foodless” was probably the point that I was most upset about. The kitchen staff comes in every morning to the cold and loud “Dining Pavilion” to make food of a high quality for almost 1000 people. Most schools don’t have the kind of luxuries ours does with the burrito bar, soup of the day, daily fresh salad, sandwiches, etc. Also, talking to Ms. Roche in that manner was pretty disrespectful. She does more than you can even imagine for this school and for us to be happy here.

As for the attack on Fun Fridays, I can’t see how that is a legitimate argument. Fun Fridays are something our school sets up to make us happier. They are purely for our enjoyment. No one is obligated to set up Fun Fridays, and by the same token, no one is obligated to participate in them. Also, when you are a senior, feel free to blast whatever music you would like. But for now, while my class is applying to college and getting through midterms, we should be allowed to play whatever type of music we want (being, of course, appropriate and not even that loud)

Free dress, I understand, is accompanied by a dress code. But let’s be real here. For the past few weeks, I, at least, have been as cold as an Egyptian after the first snow in 112 years. And even if I could wear whatever I want, I would rather wear my jeans and hoodie than shorts and a tank top. Also, I really doubt we are deficient in Vitamin D here in sunny San Diego when it is the middle of December and, looking outside right now, I can’t see a cloud in the sky.

I could start a rant now on how there are children in Africa who would love your sticky drippy popsicle, but I’m sure everyone has heard of this argument before. It is true though. We are so privileged here that if all you have to complain about Bishop’s is the free dress, popsicles, and music, it’s probably a pretty darn great school. And it is.

I do commend the author of the piece for writing such a bold article, and I really hope this response does not make her stop questioning authority because that’s one of the most important qualities a person can have. But just be sure that the actions you are questioning are actually well worth your time and theirs.

Your fellow “oppressed” student,

Noor Hamdy ’14 The Voice of the Offended

This message is approved and supported by the Senior Class.

Issue 74 (2013-2014)

Issue 74 (December 13, 2013)

Sidebar

Happy Fun Friday the 13th. While running away from Jason Voorhees at an abandoned lake camp you can think about how much nicer a sunny ice cream lunch with country music in the background would be.

E

X

A

M

S

It helps to jumble the letters around and think about what comes after exams. (E)X-mas

Articles

Fun Fridays

Dear Ms Roche,

I would like to commend the ASBC for organizing “Fun Fridays” for all of the hard working students at The Bishop’s School.  These fun-filled days occur way too often. How generous it is for the administration to give the student body the gift of free dress, music and ice cream once every two months.

Free dress days are the greatest. And having to abide by the school’s dress code anyway makes it so much easier to choose your attire. For this we thank you.  Who needs to wear shorts, three inches above the knee, when you can wear jeans on a hot sweltering day? And, tank tops? Why bother.  Covering our shoulders is a much better idea.  We would not want to get too much of that pesky vitamin D into our bodies. Even though the medical community is concerned that most of the population has a vitamin D deficiency, it is nice to see that the administration knows better.

Having music to listen to is a nice touch. Country lyrics blaring so loud your eardrums bleed is very relaxing. With the seniors guarding the boom box with military conviction it's just like being at a concert.  It would be utter madness to allow the students to listen to music they actually wanted to hear.  The administration thinks of everything.

Finally, the ice cream, the most important part of our beloved “Fun Fridays.” Before “Fun Fridays” I had no idea that a popsicle was considered an ice cream.  Instead of enjoying a delicious bowl of chocolate chip ice cream, we get to have a sticky, drippy popsicle that stains your clothes, hands and face.  It is so much fun being crushed by a sweaty mass of people fighting to get a frozen treat on this foodless campus. The pushing, shoving, and name-calling reminds me of my sister and I.  This type of closeness really brings us together as a community.  Very commendable Ms. Roche you are very cunning.

In conclusion I want to thank you, Ms Roche, once again for bringing us “Fun Fridays.” I cannot imagine my Bishop’s experience without the identically dressed children in free dress, the blaring country music that I am learning to tolerate, or the bruises and permanent scars I have earned to get my delicious popsicle.

Your grateful pupil,

           

Hailee Silva ‘17 Queen of Enthusiasm

Issue 73 (2013-2014)

Issue 73 (December 12, 2013)

Sidebar

Review Week

Has begun! Time to review all the work we’ve done in the first semester, and, more often than not, attack the teachers every time we are met with even the slightest hint of an assessment or assignment.

ILANA IS THE BEST

According to my calculations, Ilana has now been featured in this publication more times than several staff writers.

In Other News…

CHRISTMAS CONCERT WOOT WOOT! This weekend! Saturday and Sunday! Take some time off from studying and relax and listen to the Bishop’s Singers and Bel Canto and Women’s Chorus and Knight’s Chorus and Middle School choirs serenade you with holiday songs! Saturday at 5:00 and 7:30, Sunday at 2:00.

Lyrics Quiz (Holiday Themed!)

It’s that time of year

When the world falls in love

Every song you hear

Seems to say

Merry Christmas, may your new dreams come true

Tina Fey Quote of the Day but Also Word of the Day at the Same Time

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” 

HAVE A VERY BLORFT DAY EVERYONE

IT OK DON’T BE CRY

Articles

The Doctrine

By: Leo Li (Frighteningly Passionate)

                CONFLICT IS WHAT MAKES US IMMORTAL. We are put down in history for what we have done, not for what we aspire to do. Opposition spurs us to become stronger in our beliefs and face each other in the climax of brinksmanship, only to be appeased by compromise (or victory), waiting for another bloody battle to be recorded in the textbooks of the world.

                I write this manifesto today to address the ever-escalating conflict between the DU and the Tower. Hypocrites and traitors make up the battle lines that we have

drawn against our enemies. In our ranks hold those who believe that we may make

peace with the enemy through peace and brotherly love.

                To them I say this: how many of our brothers and sisters have fallen before

the enemy? Shall we throw away the lives that were Eamon, Jack, and Thomas,

who fought for hegemon of the DU? IT IS TERROR THAT PRODUCES THE BEST

OF US ALL. What has peace ever given the nations of the earth? It was bloodshed

that created the greatest of epics, the most famous of men. What has peace ever

accomplished, which can only boast the weakness of peoples and the cowardice of

their leaders?

                THERE CAN BE NO HERO, NO VICTOR, WITHOUT ITS OPPOSITION. Who is George Washington, without the tyranny that was the British? Who was Martin Luther, without the corrupt indulgences of the Catholic Church? THE ANSWER, MY SCHOOL, IS NOTHING. Let this escalation of conflict with the DU and the Tower reach its full potential; let it produce the greatest of writers, the mightiest of orators. May those so seek to restrain its might be pushed away and forgotten in our

memory!

                Let those who read these words seek to live by these them; make antagonism your blood, dissention your breath. IT IS BY DESTINY AND DESIGN THAT PROGRESS IS THE CHILD OF COMPETITION. Only when the ink has been exhausted and our ability put to their final test, can we say that greatness was

achieved in these fields of war.

The Great Paradox of Life

By: Ilana Stone (Is Awesome)

My Bishopian brethren and sistren, it seems we’ve been sucked into a paradoxical vortex of conflicting information. Teachers preach the indispensability of sleep, yet we’re conditioned to believe that not doing homework is the eighth deadly sin.

We go home, open the assignment page and snap—The Whip has struck again! Like a cheap infomercial, our hours of classes come with a bonus deal of hours of homework.

As we do our homework, it grows late and we reach our dilemma. Surely the teacher wouldn’t mind if we decided to rest. Incorrect! “You need to work on your time management,” your teacher says the next day.

Time management? If I wake up at 6:00 a.m. I should be asleep by 10:00 p.m. Of the sixteen conscious hours, seven belong to the administration. One hour following these seven is the drive home then, art or sports for the next hour-plus to build a resumé. Two hours with the family (a small reward for enduring yet another day without a mental breakdown). Then, check assignments. All academic classes meet tomorrow, and that should be about five hours of homework… except it’s not. For each assignment to display a student’s full potential work must be impeccable which takes even more time— so much more time— that none is left.  You have to go to sleep now to attain the minimum amount of sleeptime. None of my time is mine to manage.

                It’s not a life, it’s a regimen, and what’s needed isn’t time management: it’s a bucket of toxic waste to transform us into non-sleeping, workaholics. We are pressured to create masterpieces every night at the expense of our well-being (academic and physical). We are told we need sleep, but shamed when we take it. We’re trapped in a spiral with no safe escape.

Issue 72 (2013-2014)

Issue 72 (December 11, 2013)

Sidebar

Moment of Silence

Thanks Mandela

For your service to South Africa and the world, and for helping me fill up this sidebar.

Articles

Just Take My Homework

By: Ryan Hastings

            I do not mind staying up late to complete assignments. I understand that we have to write essays, complete projects, and do other fun stuff once we get home. It’s all part of school. Part of the Bishop’s experience is being awake at two in the morning and screaming at your stuffed animals to shut up so that you can focus on what you are doing.  However, if I stay up late doing an assignment, I expect it to be collected the day it is due. 

            The worst thing ever, even worse than punching the straw through the Capri-sun, is when you get to class after slaving over that essay you procrastinated on for four hours the night before, living on Swedish Fish from twelve to two, is to hear your teacher say “I’m not going to collect it today.”  It makes me want to walk up and take a nap on the teacher’s desk to demonstrate the sleep that they cost me.  And hearing all the stories of people who didn’t finish the assignment because they were “too tired” and just got lucky…agony.  I’m not going to lie; I do occasionally benefit from these pushed back due dates, but more often than not they just amount to stolen sleep. It is not fair to us students when assignments get pushed back at the last minute. This is not necessarily an epidemic at Bishop’s right now, but it is something that happens every once in awhile. So for future reference, just like most students do, teachers need to stay true to their due dates and take our work when they say they will – no surprises.  Unless that surprise is a cancellation of finals, we’ll take that.

Add Me on Snapchat Obama

By: Dan Forssman

Yesterday, at Nelson Mandela’s funeral, Obama made some interesting choices. First, he shook hands with Cuban President Raul Castro, which John McCain naturally likened to shaking hands with Hitler, a perfectly reasonable analogy. However, I am here to talk about a different issue: Selfies.

Just when I thought selfies had been lost in the freshmen girl Instagram archives, Obama decided that it was time to bring them back. He posed for a selfie with British Prime Minister David Cameron and Denmark's Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt. Yes, during the funeral of world icon Nelson Mandela. And as Obama snapped his selfie, Michelle looked less than pleased to his right. I think she was jealous of the attention Barack was giving to Thorning-Schmidt because at some point later in the funeral, Barack and Michelle switched seats. Michelle has to realize that if she isn’t putting out at a funeral, Barack has to go for option two.

Anyways, Obama’s stupid-looking face in the photo (is that libel?) tipped me off that it was for Snapchat. Probably sending Sasha and Malea a snapchat with the caption “#funeralselfies” or Bill Clinton one with “Lewinsky has nothin’ on this Danish babe.” Either way, what Obama did was rather childish. Of course, the [conservative] media will take to its sensationalist leanings and rip apart Obama on this issue. While I do not think harping on his selfie is necessary, I am interested in what his Snapchat username is, so that I can teach him a thing or two on how and when to take selfies.