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Welcome
Back!
Hopefully your break was filled with
things other than homework and college apps. I personally managed to watch
three and a half seasons of Dexter.
Happy
Cyber Monday!
It's like the twenty first century version
of Black Friday shopping.
Please
Submit
Any stories of awkward family dinner
conversations or funny Thanksgiving encounters or Black Friday horror stories.
My extended family played Cards Against Humanity. Grandma and the babies didn't
really get it and my sister and I wanted to leave after a few particularly
uncomfortable rounds. Ask me in person for lots of excrutiating details.
Men's
Soccer Practice
Resumes today after school on the field. I
think. Maybe Spanos.
Formal
In case you haven't noticed, it's coming
up soon. Buy your tickets now. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to go
to a formal not held in the cafeteria.
Concert
Alert
Macklemore on Thursday night and Wrex the
Halls on Sunday.
Lyrics
Quiz
Everybody here is outta sight
They dont't bark and they don't bite
And it's magic,
If the music is groovy
It makes you feel happy,
Like an old time movie
Political
Ideology of the Day
Voluntaryism
Articles
A Guide To An Ironic Formal For Men
By Matt Healey (Indie-pendent Writer)
Nessa and I wrote articles on
how to have a thoroughly hipster Formal experience. I was going to let Nessa go
first because ladies first and all... buuuuuut I think that gender expectations
like those are outdated social constructs that we have moved past in our post
modern age. So me first.
First, avoid tuxedo t-shirts,
suit pajamas and the like. They are no longer funny or creative. Now there's a
weird guy with a neckbeard and tuxedo t shirt at every party. Way too
mainstream. On a similar note, crushed velvet suits are starting to become too
common for a true hipster to wear. Also, stay away from blatantly informal
clothes. It's not clever. Yes, the skinny jeans make you stick out, but not in
a good way. Then there's boutonnieres. Just no. For more reasons why, see my
last article, or just use common sense
So, with all those formal
don'ts, here are some formal dos. The suit: black, navy or charcoal grey are
safe colors. But who wants to live within the safety of societal expectations,
right? The Dumb and Dumber powder
blue and orange tuxes are a great ironic combo for you and your date regardless
of gender. Assuming you're conforming to the high school cliché of going with a
date that is.
Your suit should be a slim
fit. Calvin Klein is good but make sure people don't see any of the logos or
they'll realize you hypocritically support a culture of conspicuous
consumerism. Match shirt and tie colors with your date. Hipsters need to show
they understand and can follow the rules of fashion. That way, when you break
them, it's clearly a sarcastic choice and not poor taste. Bow ties are cool,
but so are Christmas ties. Christmas bowties are like double negatives; stay
away from them.
Thick-rimmed dark glasses are
still in. Slick your hair back or part it to the side and give it that still
wet look. It should seem like you just stepped off the set of Mad Men, season
2. Ironic facial hair is a must. Be careful not to let it get too ironic
though, or Mr Beamer will give you a UV and make you shave. Your stubble should
say, no girl will ever want her face anywhere near mine but I'm fine with that
because I'm above such basic carnal desires and prefer a stimulating
intellectual discussion.
Finally, the shoes. They
don't have to match your suit. You already matched the rest of your suit;
you've conformed enough for one night. They should however be thrifted. If that
doesn't work, just wear a pair of Union Jack Chuck Taylors and talk about how
unpatriotic you are and how you hate jingoism. You'll have to explain the
difference and people will be impressed.
Watch out for upcoming tips
on dancing and how to politely decline group pre-formal invitations by
explaining you have some Dostoyevsky to catch up on.
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