Issue 66 (2013-2014)

Issue 66 (December 3, 2013)

Sidebar

Winter Sports

They start soon. If you would like us to put an announcement about your team’s game in the sidebar, email us or ask one of us in person.

Yesterday’s Lyrics Quiz

Ms. Ryan and Mr. Koczon got “Dancin’ in the Moonlight,” and Dr. Holland got “The Loving Spoonful.”

Formal

It’s this Friday, so if you don’t have a date yet, it’s probably too late for you.

Because Greg is really lazy…

Here are as many lyrics quizzes as it takes to fill the rest of the sidebar.

Lyrics Quiz #1

The mirror’s image tells me your tongue tied, butt I’m not finished, ‘cause your not by my side.

Lyrics Quiz #2

Little did I know then that the Mandela boys soon become Mandela men. Tall woman pull the pylons on and wrap them around the necks of all the feckless men that queue to be the next.

Lyrics Quiz #3

The Motherland don’t love you

The Fatherland don’t love you

So why love anything?

Lyrics Quiz #4

Electrified harmonius

I think I’ll take I’ll take it out to the streets.

Somebody please stop me,

Call the dotctor but don’t call the police.

Lyrics Quiz #5

You wanna know if I know why?

I can’t say that I do.

Don’t understand the evil eye

Or how one becomes two.

Articles

‘Tis The Season

By: Greg Feiner (Taken. Sorry, Ladies)

Well, it’s December. Hannukah has already come upon us, and in about three weeks it will be time for another holiday. Yes, that’s right, it’s almost time for Kwanzaa! What? You don’t actually know what Kwanzaa is? Racist.

Here is the Sparknotes version of Kwanzaa:

1.       Kwanzaa was created in 1966 by Maulena Karenga, a prominent figure during the Black Power Movement. It was the first exclusively African-American holiday.

2.       Kwanzaa is based on seven principles sometimes reffered to as the Nguzo Saba. They are:

                                                               i.       Unity

                                                              ii.      Self-Determination

                                                            iii.      Collective Work/Responsibility

                                                            iv.      Cooperative Economics

                                                             v.      Purpose

                                                            vi.      Creativity

                                                          vii.      Faith

3.       Kwanzaa is a week long, starting on December 26^th and ending on January 2^nd.

4.       Kwanzaa is celebrated in many ways. Those celebrating might decorate their houses with African art or wear African clothing. Often times candles are lit in traditional candle holders called Kinaras. Many families celebrate Kwanzaa alongside other holidays.

Some Kwanzaa ceremonies might include drumming and music, readings of The African Pledge and The Principles of Blackness, artistic performance, libations,  and/or a large meal.

5.       Approximately 4.7 million people celebrate Kwanzaa every year.

6.       The greeting is “Joyous Kwanzaa.”

Source: Wikipedia

Tips For A Very Hipster Formal

By: Nessa Garcia (Vinyl Lover)

Today, I will give all the ladies some tips on how to pull off hipster formalwear. To be honest, anyone, regardless of gender, can take these suggestions because screw gender roles!! Ha, I am really not kidding here.

Anyway, just because you don a pair of Dr. Martens doesn’t mean you’ve crossed into hipster territory. Maybe if you had beat the crowd a few months earlier, sure. But now? You’re just too late. Instead, I would suggest a pair of Litas that don’t have the actual heels. You know, the ones where you have to balance on the balls of your feet in order to remain standing. Not only will you stand (if you can) out from the masses, but you will be forced into a constant stumbling or wavering motion that can pass as dancing if you try hard enough. Pretty ideal if you ask me.

Next, the dress. Don’t tell me you’ve already gotten one. If so, just return it! It’s probably a boring cocktail dress that some other girl is also planning to wear. What you need to do is to take one of your mother’s long, dark gowns and just cut a bunch of slits from the bottom. If you have a glue gun, glue some gold spikes, assuming that everyone has these, onto the sucker. Now, find some slightly withered foliage/flora and create a crown. Basically, the intended look is a nature-y-Egyptian-warrior-queen-Jesus look.

Finally, to finish off, the makeup. It’s honestly too easy to do a classic pin-up girl look. Your face IS a coloring book on Formal night. For the lips, neon blue is in. Also, rhinestones and/or sprinkles can be attached, I would just be careful eating. Well, maybe just skip dinner that night. With eye shadow, create a rectangle that stretches from one side of your face to the other. It’ll kind of look like you’re wearing a futuristic pair of shades. Except it’s eye shadow. Sweet. The final step is eyeliner, and I’ll just say one word: wings.

With all this advice, you’ll never fit in with the other bland formal-goers! Just like you wanted. Dare to have a hipster Formal.