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Bish
Bowl
Friday night was, in a word, hyphy. Good
work.
#jakue
is now trending on instagram.
Dot
dots
Dot dots are due today, seniors. Have fun
figuring out who you really like, who you like but have nothing to say about,
and who you don’t like at all. If you don’t do them, it’s ok because your spot
will be filled by a really cheesy Mark Twain quote.
Not
Pants
Shorts are this week on Wednesday at 3:30
and Thursday at 6. Go.
Idea
of the Century
Jimmy Kimmel is facing major criticism for
a joke on his show about “killing everyone in China.” How could he be so dumb
as to overlook the practical issues such a plan would pose, as China has more
than 3x as many people as America.
Lyrics
are cool
One exquisite fitted crisis rivets an
octagon of red to the ceiling above my bed
She was aggressively passive to the point
where she would have intimidated any mitt that ever tried to catch it
Whoever knows these is cool.
Articles
Celebrity match.com Profiles
By: Matthew Kerr(n)
Hugh Hefner
Username:
TheHefKnowsWhatsUp
Looking for:
Women ages 5-20.
Interests/Hobbies: Wearing bathrobes, reminiscing about the past, going to bed at
7:30
Brief Description: I’m just a man who likes to have fun! My skin may have the
texture of a rotten squash, but the ladies seem to love me because I constantly
throw money at them. This is how to treat a woman!
Nicholas Cage:
Username:
CageRage666
Looking for:
Not a new agent, a woman I can ignore
Interests/Hobbies: Buying private islands, screaming for hours on end, cocaine,
BEEeEEEEEEeEEeeeESSSSS
Brief Description: AKSJDBNAKSHJD//BKASa12HDBaaAKSfHDA@!!KSDBAKS¿1/l2,JDB÷¿NAKSJDB¡AK><SJBD
Zooey Deschanel:
Username:
QuirksAndGiggles
Looking for:
A man with a beard who will listen to vinyls with me and wear non-prescription
glasses
Interests/Hobbies: Eating tomato soup via home delivery, wearing dresses from 1955,
speaking as if my throat has a lot of peanut butter in it
Brief Description: *plays ukelele* *laughs*
Helen Mirren
Username:
TheQueenXoxo
Looking for:
A mid-20’s DJ boy, preferably one with a tattoo of a bald eagle across his
chest
Interests/Hobbies: Being majestic, speaking into a tape recorder for five hours and
playing it back to myself because I have a graceful voice, clubbing
Brief Description: Just because I’ve won an Oscar® doesn’t mean I can’t have fun!
;)
James Franco:
Username:
FrancoLover4
Looking for:
Someone like me
Interests/Hobbies: Looking in the mirror, bringing down other people, modern art,
black and white films, looking in the mirror
Brief Description: Did you see 127 Hours yet
Bryan Cranston:
Username:
TheOneWhoKnocks22
Looking for:
Somebody who won’t make a Heisenberg reference every time we make love
Interests/Hobbies: Not meth, not being bald, not Chilean men who run chicken
restaurants, not yellow shirts tucked into my pants
Brief Description: I used to just be a simple actor man but now everyone thinks I
make meth and murder people. Thanks, Vince.
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