Issue 54 (November 12, 2013)
Sidebar
SHORTZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shorts are Wednesday at 3:30 and Thursday
at 6:00. Some of your friends will have to kiss each other. You wouldn’t want
to miss that, would you?
Folders
We have set up folders on the bulletin
board of the main floor of the library, the main floor of the science center,
outside the Senior Rec Room, and in upper Cummins. If you can’t find the DU at
all, go to one of those locations.
Florida…
It is a bad time to be a Floridian NFL
fan:
The
state of Florida itself
Jacksonville
Jaguars (1-8)
Tampa
Bay Buccaneers (1-8)
Miami
Dolphins (4-5)
+Richie Incognito
A big swampy mess.
NFL
quote of the day
“If you wouldn’t’a did what you wouldn’t’a
did, then we wouldn’t’a been where we was at to get where we at.”
-Does it matter?
Lyrics
Quiz #1
A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$
A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ A$$ Stop.
Lyrics
Quiz # 2
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad,
But I knew love before I left my nursery.
Articles
By: Ryan Hastings (Rap God)
The next time someone complains that their rap music
needs to be taken a little more seriously, I am going to wordlessly hand them
this list:
“Just think if I ain't empty the clip, and he killed me, would I still be living?" – Young Buck
If I ain’t open the door, would the door still be closed?
"Weezy F. Baby and the 'F' is for phenomenal." - Lil Wayne
Lil Wayne clearly did not do too well in his fifth grade spelling bee.
"Always been about them horizontal lines through them 'S's, that's a dollar sign." – Chamillionaire
If the line is
horizontal, you get cash money instead of ca$h money. Wouldn’t want that.
"My paragraph alone is worth
five mics; A twelve song LP, that's thirty-six mics." – Redman
Any way you multiply 5, you’re not getting 36.
"I can double my density from 360 degrees to 720 instantly." - Canibus
Centimeters per square inch just didn’t sound right.
"32 grams raw, chop it in half,
get 16, double it times three; we got 48, which mean a whole lot of cream; divide
the profit by four, subtract it by eight; we back to 16." - Foxy Brown
Even IF doubling
it times three existed, this arithmetic would still be wrong.
"I'm Rondo with the
bongos." - Pusha T
Yeah, well I’m
Derrick Rose writin’ polyphonic prose!
Hurray for two things that rhyme but do not relate!
"There's three of us, but we're
not the Beatles." - Run–D.M.C.
An Apology
By: Greg Feiner (Idiot-In-Chief)
The
other day, I was sitting in adivsory, and was starting to feel the impact of
all the orange juice I had had with my bagel that morning. I left Ms. Bell’s
room and began the familiar walk down the hall toward the boys bathroom of
lower Bentham.
For
those who do not frequent this
particular bathroom, this door, like most (if not all) bathroom doors at
school, is a push-open door. This cruel detail would prove to make for a most
fateful bathroom break.
I
continued to walk down the hall, drowsy from a long night’s work. I probably
yawned or something. Mr. Assaf issued a “hey, buddy” in my direction as he
walked out of view.
At
last I had arrived, but just as I extended a hand to push the door open, time
slowed down as I helplessly watched the following event take place, unable to
prevent it.
Just
as I was about to make contact with the door, one of the Spanish teachers (who
I later learned was Señor
Leonor) opened the door. To make matters worse, I’m fairly tall, so the height
at which I had positioned my hand was the same height as his face.
So, instead of pushing the bathroom door open, I
pushed Señor Leonor’s face out of my way.
Of all the dumb things that I have done, this is by
far the most ridiculous scenario I’ve ever found myself in.
I would like to apologize to Señor
Leonor. I did not mean to escort him out of the bathroom Heisman style. It was
merely a most unfortunate coincidence. Terrible timing, really. I did not mean
to embarrass him in any way.
At least we both got an interesting story out of it.
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