Sidebar
C’mon
Man!
Yesterday, Greg failed to deliver you your
electronic copies of the DU. It was his first time using a computer, and he
wasn’t sure how to attach an email. When I told him to look for the files in
the computer, he proceeded to break his home computer apart with a hammer in
search of files inside of the computer. Not his finest moments.
BMS
Anyone who got my joke with Nessa’s title,
you rock! Go buy yourself something nice.
FOOTBALL
Big game this Friday against Charlie de la Lama’s cousins.
Come out and support. Last time was super sick but let’s get real weird again
and up the ante so that it can be mega whipple chill. In the words of Matt Cappetta,
“On a freaky scale of 1 to Miley Cyrus the Dungeon’s gotta be averaging about a
7 point Amanda Bynes so like crazy freaky.” And we need the rest of the school
to follow suit.
Aesop
Rock Quote
“There’s smoke in my iris
But I painted a sunny day on the insides of my eyelids.”
Submit
We’ve only had one guest submission so far this year, not
counting Douglas Burkhart’s extremely racist rant about Trayvon and such (Find
me if you want to read it). Anyways, if you want your opinion heard, feel like
ranting, or just want to help me be lazy and not write anything, send articles
to thedailyurinal@gmail.com.
Lyrics Quiz
Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog’s eye
Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess
Boy you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down
Articles
Dreams
By: Nessa Garcia (DU Raydon Randell Fan)
I have never been able to swim well. I visit the beach a whooping two times a year and prefer to spend my time in pools standing upright in the shallow sections. That’s why I couldn’t believe that a 64-year-old woman was able to swim from Cuba to Florida, out in the open waters with sharks (but fortunately no sharknado) and jellyfish. “How could someone her age do this?” many have asked. “Shouldn’t she stick to jazzercise?” others have suggested. However, after some thought, I have concluded that her feat shouldn’t surprise us. We should have expected her to complete her swim. Plus, she probably doesn’t even do jazzercise, you assuming nitwits.
I have never been able to swim well. I visit the beach a whooping two times a year and prefer to spend my time in pools standing upright in the shallow sections. That’s why I couldn’t believe that a 64-year-old woman was able to swim from Cuba to Florida, out in the open waters with sharks (but fortunately no sharknado) and jellyfish. “How could someone her age do this?” many have asked. “Shouldn’t she stick to jazzercise?” others have suggested. However, after some thought, I have concluded that her feat shouldn’t surprise us. We should have expected her to complete her swim. Plus, she probably doesn’t even do jazzercise, you assuming nitwits.
Older age has often been
considered an inevitable point of decline in one’s life. We see this in the
film industry, where older actors are quickly booted for younger ones. We hear
this when parents are quick to blame everything on their “weakening bones” or
“dwindling eyesight.” The message is clear: once you reach a certain age, stop
trying. But really, this depressing statement is truly unfounded. I know it
sounds like a 16-year-old girl is trying to disprove the notions of old age
with trite adages, but hear me out.
Diana Nyad has tried to
swim the Cuba-Florida passage four times before. I have tried to swim 5 laps in
swimming P.E. and I plan on never trying again. A person’s motivation is
concomitant to their passion. It’s the same feeling that prompted Andrea
Bocelli to start professionally singing at 34, or Julia Childs to start
televised cooking at 36, both relatively “late starts” as one might say. Yet, I
don’t understand how one’s love for something begins to lessen as time passes
because it’s simply time anyway.
We can all use Nyad’s accomplishment as a wake-up
call. Too much emphasis is placed on achieving the most linear way of life, although
the most successful people have taken their own paths to follow and have
followed it for however long they’ve wanted to. After suffering jellyfish
stings and an 11-hour asthma attack in her previous attempts, Nyad’s age must
have been the least of her worries. What’s your excuse?
Chris is Serious: Must Read!
By: Chris
Halter
Last week
three kids ages 15, 16 and 17 gunned down a 23 year-old Australian baseball
player on scholarship at Oklahoma College. The most frightening thing about the
crime: the boys did it for fun.
How many more
senseless shootings need to occur before something significant finally happens?
This atrocious crime is horrific on so many levels: psychologically how could
these young boys just go out and kill someone for fun, and where they were able
to obtain a firearm? The idea that these kids had some access to a gun is the
most unfortunate part of this crime. Why? It was most likely preventable.
This article
may seem to be spiraling into a anti-gun rant demanding all guns in the United
States be confiscated and banned, and while that may seem extreme, does it
really make sense to continue with business as usual? Does it really make sense
when 15 of the 25 worst mass shootings of the last 50 years have occurred in
the United States? Does it really make sense when the number gun-related deaths
in The United States exceeds all other developed nations by almost 20 times??
Outlawing guns may be extreme, but doing nothing should not be an option.
We can fix this problem; Australia’s gun policies are a
great example. You can still own a firearm in Australia, yet on the same list that
ranked the U.S number one in gun-related deaths, Australia was ranked 28th out
of 32 countries. A solution to our problem is certainly possible, but keep in
mind it doesn’t lie at either extreme of the spectrum.
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