Sidebar
A Heartfelt Apology
Nessa would like too apologize
four using the word 'donned' in place of the write word 'dawned,' as many
people tolled her last Friday. This genius group includes the excellent Mr.
Hartman, who has bean an avid after-the-fact DU editor cents Day Won. We no it
comes as a surprise that oui aren't perfect, yet keep in mined that even the
best will fall victim two the treachery of homophones.
Tuesday Snoozeday
Congratulations
to all the boys and girls at the Bishop’s School for Boys and Girls for making
it through the first Monday of the school year! Make sure to heartily snicker
at everyone accidentally wearing dress uniform today.
Hiking up the Whipple Hill
It appears that
there are still a few stragglers who haven’t yet logged onto the infamous
Whipple Hill. To provide incentive, Jake Chasan is in the process of developing
a Whipple Hill app, titled Whipple Knoll.
He’s Really Smooth
Colin had a
little trouble identifying with Emily’s article, because he himself is as
smooth as:
¨
Butter
¨
Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
¨
Margarine
¨
Cream
¨
Most dairy products, actually
¨
His chin if he ever actually
bothered to shave
¨
Dolphins
Lyrics Quiz
He was a sk8er
boi, she said see u l8r boi, he wasn’t good enough 4 her.
Vexillology Quiz
We’re bringing it back! Here’s a hint for today’s quiz:This nation is known for its freedom and general obesity!
Good luck to all…
This one’s tough!
Articles
Scandal
By: Ben Higgs (DU Scholar in Residence)
In light of the recent
sexual misconduct scandal involving San Diego’s beloved mayor, I’ve decided
that a ranking would be useful to put the issue in historical context with some
of the recent scandals that have become a cherished part of our national
memory. These scandals are ranked by
intensity of public reaction.
1. Bill Clinton-Obviously slick Willie finds
himself at the top of this list simply because everyone knows about his little
escapade with the girl in the spotted dress.
2. Tiger Woods-This may feel like an oldie to
some of you, but I still recall what a circus this one was. Everyone and their mother was accusing Tiger
of cheating with them, and half of them were telling the truth.
3. Larry Craig-This one is my personal favorite
just because it is so damn weird. Larry
Craig was an anti-gay U.S. Senator from Idaho who decided that the Minneapolis
airport was a perfect place to solicit anonymous gay sex. His only excuse was the officer that arrested
him misinterpreted his personal “wide-stance” method of evacuating as a sexual
advance.
4. Anthony Weiner-Former Congressman Anthony
Weiner was caught up in a scandal when it came out that he had tweeted a photo
of his junior Congressman to a woman that was not his wife. The story should have ended there but he just
had to run for mayor of New York.
Thankfully the former Congressman had learned from his previous mistakes
and now only sends inappropriate messages under the spicy pseudonym “Carlos
Danger”.
5. Bob Filner- Recently retired San Diego mayor
Filner has said he plans to return to his previous job as the Green Goblin,
best known for his rivalry with fellow superhuman Spiderman. Filner was quoted as saying to Spiderman, “Follow
the cold shiver running down your spine.”
It is also being reported that Spiderman is filing a sexual harassment
lawsuit of his own due to the aforementioned statement.
It’s
Not Always Smooth Sailing
By: Emily Gao (DU PUNdit)
One fine summer day, as I was sitting in my room
delightfully doing SAT prep, I received an urgent text from a dear friend. It
was about a resilient boy who would not stop texting her. Sun rise, sun down
this guy had her anchored. Despite the rough currents from her cold shoulder,
he kept on texting her. My lovely friend told me how she was tired with the
incessant texts and divulged to me about his cringe worthy attempts at being
smooth (numerous futile efforts to woo her). What did we do for the next
fifteen minutes? The two of us conjured up some similes & metaphors to
describe this guys caliber of flirting. This guy was as smooth...
♥ as a piece of fruit leather
♥ as a cheese grater
♥ as a tasty scone
♥ as a durian
♥ as a porcupine’s backside
♥ as a decorative autumn squash
♥ as the arm of a cactus
♥ as sand in a bathing suit
♥ as a thorn bush
♥ as a dried leaf
♥ as a pinecone
♥ as sandpaper
♥ as a sea urchin
♥ as a bed of pine needles
♥ as wool underwear
♥ as low thread count sheets
♥ as steel wool
♥ as spurs on a cowboy boot
♥ as velcro
♥ a splintered bone
♥ as an exfoliating loofah
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