Saturday, October 19, 2013

Issue 31 (2013-2014)

Issue 31 (October 8, 2013)

Sidebar
 My Favorite Kanye Quote
“So I live by two words – f*ck you, pay me.” Math is not Kanye’s strongsuit, as you can tell. However, I’m told that he is pretty good at geography. Just ask his son, North West.

Congratulations!
Scarlett Johansson has been named Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive. Please congratulate Scarlett on her sexiness if you see her around town.

Government Shutdown
According to polls, 61% of Americans blame the Democrats for the shutdown, and 70% of Americans blame Republicans for not shutting up. I personally blame Obama because I can.

You Can’t Take it With You
Go to this play. Greg Feiner and Little Colin, our very own DU editors, are in it. And, from what I have heard, Amanda Roesser and Nicholas Gibbons get weird in it, so if you’re into that type of stuff…

Bish Cup
Big tennis match today. Go out and watch the undefeated (what!) girls tennis so hard Roger Federer wanna find them.

Lyrics Quiz
If I had a hammer, I'd build a city on stilts
so my feet would stay dry when God's wine glass tilts
If I had a shovel, I'd dig a hole in the dirt
and I'll be hiding when his drunken stupor lands upon earth


I only put this because Sajan claims to get every lyrics quiz right even though it’s humanly impossible and he clearly just looks up the answers online. Have fun with this one Sajan!

Articles

Lands’ Beginning
By: Dan Forssman

       Khakis are khakis. I find it absurd that I am worthy of a uniform violation just because I don’t wear a certain brand of pants.
       I feel as if I understand the purpose of a uniform. I have worn one since kindergarten. Uniforms create a sense of uniformity. They allow all students to look equal and presentable. They reduce any conflict over fashion trends or risqué clothing choices. Personally, I don’t mind having a uniform. It makes getting ready in the morning that much easier.
       However, when the uniform gets so strict as to say what brand of khaki pants I should wear, it gets out of control. They all look relatively similar, Lands’ End and Volcolm alike. Which is why I don’t understand the obsession with Lands’ End. The administration clearly sees the uniform as a reflection of our values, something that we pride ourselves on and something that those outside of our community should respect. But when students come to visit Bishop’s, do they scrutinize the brand of pants we wear, attributing discrepancies to a lack of unity? Or do they see a cohesive group of students wearing very similar khakis (or skirts) and polos? Where are our priorities?
       If I find Volcolm pants more comfortable (which I definitely do) than Lands’ End pants, why am I getting punished when I look almost exactly the same as anyone else? How far do we have to go to look united? Shouldn’t we be doing things to actually be united?
       The most frustrating part about this dilemna is that this article will fall upon deaf ears. I feel as if the Daily Urinal is my only forum in which to raise discussion, but it doesn’t go anywhere past the students. This will merely be seen as another rant from an insolent rule-breaker. When is the administration going to start focusing on what matters – our opinions, not the skinnyness of our pants? They clearly care more about our appearance on the outside than the truly essential processes that go on inside our walls. When a teacher passes me in the hallway, I want them to pay attention to me, not  to scrutinize the pants I am wearing (unless, of course, they are grossly out of uniform).        
       As I get closer and closer to leaving, I see Bishop’s getting stuck further and further in the same rut, obsessing over trivial things. I think that it’s time to start focusing on what’s important, not a logo on the back of my pants.

Best West Quotes
By: Ryan Hastings (Lax 4 Lyfe)

According to grammy.com, Kanye West has won 16 Grammy Awards.  Some of the things that Kanye has said (or tweeted), however, make me wonder how that is possible.

“I am a proud non-reader of books.”
Kanye, if you can’t read, your secret is safe with me.  Just tell the truth.

“I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle”
Yeah, well I hate when I fall asleep next to Kim Kardashian and I wake up with a baby next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this baby.

“I don’t even listen to rap.  My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in.”
Kanye only listens to Beethoven in his apartment because, you know, it makes sense.  This is complemented by another quote: “Classical music is tight yo.”

“Sometimes I get emotional over fonts.”
Comic Sans gets me every time man.

“Man…whatever happened to my antique fish tank?”
Have you checked between the seat cushions?

“Do you know where to find marble conference tables? I’m looking to have a conference…not until I get the table though”
A conference without a marble table is just a meeting.

“I make awesome decisions in bike stores!!!”
I only make decisions in bike stores.

“How many m*****f******* you done seen with a leather jogging pant?”
I hereby proclaim that the Bishop’s School Cross Country team shall wear leather jogging pants. 

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