Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Issue 40 (2013-2014)

Issue 40 (October 23, 2013)

Sidebar
Welcome Back!
QUARTER 2 LET’S GO!!!!!

A BLOG
The Daily Urinal has started a blog!!!! Visit thedailyurinal.blogspot.com to read articles from THIS WHOLE YEAR!

DISCUSSION OF ROMANCE IS IN THE AIR
Welcome to the DU’s annual Valentine’s Day in October issue! Valentine’s Day in October is Christmas in July’s neglected second cousin, and deserves more attention.

Today’s Lyrics Quiz
Take you away from here
There’s nothing between us but space and time
I’ll be your own little star
Let me shine in your world

Literary Quote of the Day
They all talked at once, their voices insistent and contradictory and impatient, making of unreality a possibility, then a probability, then an incontrovertible fact, as people will when their desires become words.

Second Lyrics Quiz
The look of love, the rush of blood
The “She’s with me,” the Gallic shrug
The shutterbugs, the Camera Plus
The black and white, the colour dodge

Shout-Out
To Alejandra Gallegos, for saying very nice things about the DU in a well-worded and accurate article. And also for having a birthday over the four day weekend!

Coming Up…
Matt Kerr apologizes for saying a dirty word at Coffee House.


Articles

A Bishop’s Love Story
By: Adela Pfaff, MD, PhD, XD, DDS
                “Uh, Janet, I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”
                Brad scratched his head as Janet took the last binder out of her locker. Their eyes were both lowered, Janet’s face fading into a shy smile.
                “Will you go out with me?” Brad said, face bright red. Janet clutched her books to her chest and beamed.
                “Of course!” she said, delighted to see the relief on Brad’s face. They both laughed and took out their planners and iPhones. “Are you free this Wednesday?”
                “No, I have a math project due and then orchestra rehearsal until 8:00. What about Thursday?” Brad swiped through his calendar app, nervous fingers quivering just the tiniest bit.
                “Field hockey practice, sorry. Friday?”
                “I’m taking the PSAT this Saturday,” he sighed.
                “Oh right,” Janet said as she brushed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear, “Me too. I’m going to visit colleges during the quarter break, I’m seeing--”
                “Harvard and Yale!” they chirped in unison, dissolving into friendly laughter before turning back to their Blackberries.
                “When are your free periods?” Brad asked.
                “X on every other E-day, you?”
                “Period two on C-days and X on A-days if there was a full moon the night before.” Brad kept flipping pages in his calendar. “We could eat lunch together.”
                “I have middle school lunch on A-days but usually spend my lunch periods doing my Summa work,” Janet shrugged. “How about after school two Mondays from now? November 4th?”
                “Sorry, Cute Things Club meets then. Did you know the founder of Cute Things Club is really sweet and always brings snacks for us? Not to mention she lets us do crafts and watch movies with her and stays in Mr. Bishop’s room in Bentham from 2:45 to 6:00,” Brad said, reaching for Janet’s outstretched hand.
                “Of course I knew that, Adela Pfaff is a genius!” They both laughed in complete, sincere appreciation of Adela Pfaff’s genius, “I can’t do Sundays because of Jazz Band rehearsals, but what about Tuesday the 4th of February?”
                “Ah, can’t. I’m scheduled to get the stomach flu that week,” Brad pointed to the pager on his belt.
                “I’m getting mono on the 8th of March until the beginning of spring break, so maybe something in April?”
                “The 20th?”
                “Can’t. I’m busy then too.”
                “Going to church for Easter?”
                “No, 420 blaze it yolo swëg.”
                “Oh right.” Brad noticed a small patch of white in his calendar app on his Netbook. “I’ve got it! How about the 16th of June?”
                Janet eagerly palmed through her planner, Blackberry, iPhone, palm pilot, pager, Chromebook, and Walkman before looking up at Brad with glistening eyes.
                “It’s a date!”
                They hugged and grinned lovingly at each other before walking off in different directions, one to varsity water polo practice, and the other to Shorts rehearsals for the next 16 hours.

Platonic Shmatonic
By: Emily Gao (DU Love Guru)
Boy approaches girl, and girl is charmed by his effeminate masculinity non-threateningly secure heterosexuality, the fact that he noticed the brand of pants she’s wearing and his proper use of “propensity” and “eclecticism”. Boy and girl exchange numbers, and after a month or so of witty banter, hang outs, and Starbuck/Jamba Juice runs they become…friends. Not lovers. Certainly not the awkward Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake/ Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman benefit sorts. He/she becomes extremely special to you. Purely friends. Besties that serve as each other’s de facto permanent back-up weekend companion, but never, ever, ever, ever, EVER crossing that line.
                Ah yes, the age old, Harry Met Sally-esque question:
               
Can heterosexual boys and girls be “just friends”?
               
                Answer 1: Psh yes of course! So and so and I are just friends. She/he would never like me. She/he is my (insert friendly kinship term here). That’d be like dating my brother/sister! He/she would never like me like that.
                Answer 2 (my answer): Yes successful platonic relationships are possible, but  only after one of the parties has fallen for each other. I think between a boy and a girl there will always be a split, unplanned moment where you ask yourself “would I date this person?”. Perhaps if the person has a phenomenal personality and or is easy on the eyes, this question pops up faster. A personal anecdote: I fell for one of my best guy friends and after that whole hey-but-you’re-just-a-sister-to-me-sorry phase passed, we became even BETTER friends. Weird right?
                It’s good to note that there are ALWAYS exceptions to this theory. I can name a handful of guys that I’m purely close friends with. (Or so I believe.)   Remember emotions  are always tricky things to deal with, especially teenage romantic emotions.
*It’s good to note that this scenario of “can they just be ‘friends” can apply to all sexual orientations. I just chose to write from a heterosexual standpoint.


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