Sidebar
We
love you:
Ally, for your kindness. Matt Kerr, even
though you violated my ears when you said "Fart!" at coffee house.
And all the the rest of you, we love you too, even though you're not as
remarkable as these two <3
Seniors:
You should probably decide if you're
applying early to colleges and get started on your apps. I think they're due
soon or something...
Lyrics
Quiz:
I'm with my kids in the minivan
Listening to NPR
With the windows down
Through the culdesac
Quiz
Acknowledgement:
Sajan got my lyrics quiz right long long
ago when he correctly identified "These Streets" by Paolo Nutini
Philosophical
Question of the Day:
What's the meaning of Stone Henge?
Less
Philosophical Question:
What does the fox say?
Completely
A-philosophical Answer:
Gering-ding-ding-dinga-dinga-ding
Did
You Make Up That Word?
A-philosophical? Yes.
It's
Throwback Thursday
So go post some photos from last week that
you didn't get a chance to put up because you had already posted twice every
day and didn't want to seem desperate.
Want
to be famous and loved by your peers?
Submit articles and erotic love poems of
400 words or fewer to the dailyurinal@gmail.com.
Articles
Dropping the F-Bomb: The
Effects/Open Apology
By
Matt Kerr (DU Stealer of Innocence)
On the night of October 18th,
2013, at approximately 7:13pm, I committed my first sin ever. Although
exhilarating, I could also feel my innocence ripped from my bare hands the very
moment it occurred. For those of you who don’t know, I was set to perform a
Vampire Weekend song entitled “Hannah Hunt.” Things were supposed to be simple,
following the rules: I would sing my heart out, the crowd would cheer and cry,
Colin Garon would have a 35 minute piano solo, I would be named “Artist of the
Year” by Entertainment Weekly-- But no. None of that. A surge of nervous
behavior had filled my body just seconds before I was meant to strut my way to
the stage. I remember knocking people over on the way up, as well as clutching
the microphone and taking a five minute break to cry. While singing, things
seemed pretty okay. My voice was shaky but I was getting the job done. However,
sometime along the first verse was when I began to get lost. The piano kept
playing and I was left staring into space, completely blanking on the song that
I had once known so well. “F***!”, I exclaimed. The audience gasped and went
from calm to chaotic in about 0.3 seconds. Courtney Flanagan’s fragile heart
ripped in half, immediately sending her collapsing to the ground. My mother
violently banged her own head against the wall of the room while crying out to
God, questioning why she was punished with such a vile son. Two people in the
crowd burst into flames and had to douse themselves with the coffee being
served.
Mothers now shield their
children from my presence, afraid I will expand my hellish influence upon them.
This is not the life I want to come out of my foolish mistake. I take this time
to apologize for my unforgivable actions, and to recognize the hearts that I
have broken (Colin Garon himself refuses to ever play the piano for me again,
as he is now sleepless and haunted by the sounds of my profanity). Humans take
time to realize the things they’ve done wrong, and maybe I’m on that path of
development now. I hope you can all understand. God bless.
DU Article Woohoo
By: Ally-G (DU Number One Fan)
To the fabulous DU staff—
I
just can’t describe how much I love you guys and your publication. There have
been a lot of awesome people who have come and gone, but I think that you guys
make the best DU team that there ever was. Every morning, I love snatching a
newly-minted issue, still warm from the copier, out of Colin Garon’s hands, so
that I can read the really amazing articles that you all put forth on a daily
basis. I never truly appreciated just how hard the DU staff works, but your
guys’ fabulous writing has really opened my eyes to appreciate just how much
effort and work it takes to write articles of the same high quality almost
every day.
I
don’t know all the nerds of the DU—that is, the staff who aren’t DU
commanders—but I sure wish I did. Y’all impress me on the daily. A lot of you
guys are sophomores, which I think is super cool. I never could have written
articles that some of you write when I was a sophomore. I’m not sure I could
even write as well as you guys do today. I wish I wasn’t graduating this year,
so that I could keep reading your guys’ articles in the years to come. L
Colin,
Matt, Dan, and Greg—you guys are doing an amazing job commanding the DU this
year. (I’m running out of superlatives, sorry.) I love guessing which one of
you has formatted the day’s issue, and I love reading your guys’ articles
because they always range in type: from humorous, to political, to spoken word,
etc. I could go on and on, so multitalented are all of you as writers. Also,
you guys never fail to impress me with the subjects of your articles. I
definitely could never be that creative. I mean, it took me like 8 million
years to figure out that I should write this letter.
I
guess what I’m trying to say is that you guys never fail to bring me just what
I need every day, whether it be a few laughs, or some food for thought. I can’t
wait to keep reading! And I sure am going to miss you all and the DU next year.
Love,
A [no longer] anonymous senior <3
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