Sidebar
Lyrics
Quizzes
Yesterday, Matt Healey had the audacity to
dismiss the previous winners of the lyrics quiz and to post three of his own at
the same time. His lazy ass also changed the format of the sidebar so that he
could write much less and not waste any of his extremely valuable time on what
he must deem a very mediocre publication. We apologize for his lack of
dedication to our staff and to The Bishop’s School population in general. His
laziness and disregard for others are a bad example to all. What he could have
done, at least, was take up a bunch of space in the sidebar by making fun of
one of his fellow editors. But, then again, that would be my job.
Syria
Obama called for a pause on the
congressional vote with regard to bombing Syria. Essentially, he decided to
pull out of Syria before he even entered her. You’d think after more than four
years in the oval office he’d have some experience under his belt.
Chargers
To reiterate what I told countless people
yesterday, Phillip Rivers sucks. He’s unathletic, absolutely horrible at
football, can’t complete a pass without looking like a total idiot, and overall
just needs to quit and find a new job.
Aesop
Rock Quote
“Now it’s honor and I spell it with the
‘H’ I stole from heritage
Merit crutch stole the wretched refuse from my
teeming resonance
I
promise temperance towards breed with a leaning conscious
See, the creed accents responsive but my
spores divorced the wattage”
9/11 – Never Forget
Articles
Advice for Retreats
By: Dan Forssman (it’s the kid)
1. Don’t do drugs. It may seem like a no brainer,
but not to the no brainers.
2. When signing up for the talent show, don’t put
yourself down for a “lecture in anal philosophy,” like Max Thiele did. Some
people might take you way too seriously. Instead, go for something more
enlightening like Tripp Twyman’s special talk “How to Hit on 12-year-old
Girls.” I’m really looking forward to that one.
3. Leave
your phones at home. I know that you’re eager to check your fantasy football
team, Matt Lizanich, but it can wait until after retreats. Phones defeat the
whole purpose of nature and bonding, even if you’re using them to take pics for
the ‘gram.
4. Refrain from having sex in the tents, as Mr.
Pierce so nicely warned us yesterday.
5. Have a good time. Retreats can be the best
time of your life or the worst, so it’s important to make the most of it. Make
new friends, come together as a class, and treat every moment like it’s your
last. If you’re looking for any more typical clichés about the experience, come
find me.
6. Make good decisions. Ensure that marginal
benefit > marginal cost, and remember that the opportunity cost is an
opportunity lost.
7. Eat the camp food. Even if they don’t serve
pitaya bowls for every single meal at camp. It’s part of the experience.
8. Be weird. Weird is good.
9. #retreats2013noregretz
Blind Leading the Blind
By: Ben Higgs (DU
Narayan)
Apparently, political correctness can go
too far. I’m not talking about using one word over another, or not using
some words at all but rather our sensitivity about discrimination; more
specifically, discrimination based on physical disability; even more
specifically, blindness. Recently, news surfaced that the state of Iowa issues
concealed carry permits to the blind. Because of bans on discrimination based
on physical disability, Iowa, for the time being, has to issue the permits. In
honor of Iowa’s bravery in the face of the oppression of logic, I decided to
research other unintended consequences of laws:
1. The 1776 New Jersey Constitution was worded in a way such that they accidentally allowed women to vote.
2. When San Diego decided to ban drinking on its beaches, people brazenly headed out further from shore with their flotation devices and drank there. Hint: If you ever find yourself in a position where you look for legal loopholes instead of just not drinking, you have a problem.
3. The members of the British monarchy cannot be prosecuted for crimes (kinda) so when Queen Elizabeth gives you the stink eye, back off.
4. Seceding is not as hard or American as you think. An Australian farmer became a sovereign monarch because the Australian government accidentally gave him legitimacy by recognizing his authority in official documents. (Are you happy now, Mr. Del Rio? We just lost all our readers.)
R E T R E A T S !
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