Sidebar
Plaigarism
Greg copies a good amount of his sidebar
material from the Daily Show and/or Colbert Report. Dr. Moseley, an avid viewer
of both, continually calls Greg out on this, but Greg drives a Honda Accord and
gives zero trucks.
Shorts?
If you still want to audition for Shorts,
too bad. You suck, you missed all the auditions, and you will regret this for
the rest of your life.
Happy
B Day!
To every Bishop’s student.
Erik
Schrunk
In case you don’t know him, this man has
facebook statuses that are, in a word, legendary. He is hilarious, and an
amazing actor too, best known for his role in Honey, Erik Schrunk the Kids. Check out one of his throwback works
to the right.
Shout
Out
To Jack Piegza, for automatically lowering
all of his grades by starting the Young Republicans Club.
Yesterday’s
Lyrics Quiz
Mr. Davis and Dr. Moseley, I bet that you
look good on the dance floor. ;)
Today’s
Lyrics Quizzes
Every day that gets to pass is a success
And every woman looks better in a sundress
(#1)
Don’t let me pull my hose out
Because it’s big, long, pink, strong
And been known to dance like all night
long (#2)
Space may be the final frontier
But it’s made in a Hollywood basement (#3)
If you know all three, you listen to good
music, and I respect you.
Articles
In Case Newspapers Still
Exist in the Future
By Erik Schrunk (legend)
Newspaper headlines of the future. I'm telling you, these will make it into
the papers in the years to come:
1) STEVE JOBS REINCARNATED, BEGINS MARKETING IPHONE 18
Former Apple CEO charges $47,000 for autographed iPhones, promises to use
profits to begin developing seven-foot iPhone 19 by December... see iPhone, A3
2) KANSAS COUPLE NAMES CHILD "DIET COKE," REST OF WORLD FACEPALMS
Jane and Richard Smith of Wichita enjoy the beverage so much that they
decide to name their child after it. "It was either Richard Jr., Adam, or
Diet Coke," says Jane, recalling the possible names for the child.
"In the end, though, the deliciousness of Diet Coke won the day. We think
we made the right choice." ... see "Diet Coke," C7
3) YANKEES BUY ALL TEAMS, SIGN ALL PLAYERS
The New York Yankees were able to secure wins for all future World Series
by simply buying each team in baseball and signing all the players. Says
Yankees owner, "why didn't I think of this before?" ... see
"Yankees," A5
4) PEOPLE REALLY DO LIVE IN NORTHERN CANADA
A research team confirmed Thursday that people do in fact inhabit
"that part of Canada north of Montreal." Research team leader Leslie
F. points out, "looks like those cities like 'Yellowknife' and
'Whitehorse' are real, and not just facades." ... see "Canada,"
B5
5) HALF OF MISSOURI TURNS RED
An airplane, which for some reason carried only red Skittles, crashed into
a cornfield in central Missouri, scattering its cargo about the area. Moments
later, a heavy rainstorm struck the region, washing the red coloring out of the
candies and into the surrounding area. No one is reported missing, according to
officials... see "Missouri," D1
6) YANKEES WIN WORLD SERIES
In a real nail-biter of a game, the Yankees beat the Yankees 6-5 in the
seventh game of the World Series. The Yankees have won twenty-three World
Series in a row... see "World Series," A2
7) AMERICANS PREFER DONUTS TO WORLD PEACE, STUDY SHOWS
"Well, it's a close call," says an anonymous Arizona resident who
answered the poll with "donuts." "It would have to be a good
donut, though. Like a Krispy Kreme. Those things are great." ... see
"Donuts," B7
8) MAN SURVIVES CRYOGENIC CHAMBER 23 YEARS, WAKES UP TO POST ON FACEBOOK
After twenty-three years of being preserved in ice, a Seattle man who
wanted to "see the future" made a point of logging onto Facebook as
his first above-freezing act in over two decades. He logs on in dismay to see
all his friends thought he was dead, and defriended him... see
"Cryogenics," C3
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