Sidebar
Free
Dress?
Thanks for clearing things up Chris. I had
always thought that, on days when all the girls wore yoga pants, the Varsity
Yoga Team had free dress. No wonder I was confused (and a little disappointed)
that Luke Wood wasn’t wearing any.
More
on Yoga Pants
Chris mentioned the “campus-wide
beautification” that would come as a result of making yoga pants part of the
uniform. For those that were confused, Chris likes girls with nice butts.
Hockey
on the Field
Big field hockey game today against
Scripps Ranch, aka Ratchet Nation. It may or may not be at home, but if it is,
rally the Eva May fleets and go watch Marj kick some ass.
It’s
Not Your Fault
For anyone that is distraught about not
receiving a Candygram, Ms. Ryan is available for counseling at any time. Stop
by her office.
Spoints
Connor Hayes, aggregate your feces. I
have gone to many water polo, volleyball, football, and field hockey games, and
I don’t think I’ve seen you at one of them. How are you supposed to award
spoints to extremely obnoxious fans like myself if you don’t show up to
anything?
Good
Luck
With all those supplements that you are
yet to start and those Common App essays
that are far from adequate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Articles
Free the Yoga Pants
By: Chris
Halter (Yoga Enthusiast)
These past two weeks have been plagued
by controversy surrounding uniforms. Namely, the fierce battle over skirt
lengths. I have a solution that’s brilliant: yoga pants.
If any of you remember, last year I wrote a
disillusioned article talking about how yoga pants are only good for
distraction. However, I think they may just be the perfect solution to the
skirt length fiasco.
Yoga pants are already so ubiquitous at
The Bishop’s School that making them a piece of the uniform for girls would be
a no brainer. Since, from what I can tell, every female at school wears yoga
pants on free dress day, making them uniform wouldn’t require girls to go out
and buy new clothes, therefore solving the economic issues involved with
forcing girls to buy new skirts.
But the benefits don’t stop there.
Making yoga pants part of the uniform would also solve the mobility issues that
girls constantly complain about with skirts. Making yoga pants uniform would
actually increase the mobility of the female population. The safety benefits of
this are innumerable. Just think of how increased mobility will save lives in
the event of a fire, or lockdown. When it comes to solving this problem, yoga
pants are really a no cost, no penalty solution. The campus-wide beautification
that would come with making yoga pants uniform is another obvious benefit. In essence,
yoga pants act as the savior Mr. Beamer has been looking for since day one of
this uniform debacle.
These are trying times at The Bishop’s
School. No one will deny that. However, it is time to face facts. Mr. Beamer,
if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for The Bishop’s School and its
students, if you seek a new era for uniforms at this school, come to the next
announcements. Mr. Beamer, open those announcements with a decree. Mr. Beamer,
make yoga pants part of the Bishop’s uniform!
Bad Grandpa Review
By: Dan Forssman (not Greg)
On Saturday night, I found myself laughing
my ass off, watching an old man running around a strip club full of black male
performers, in his underwear, with his nutsack hanging loose, swinging to and
fro, entering the lives of unsuspecting customers and the naked behinds of the
performers in a very tangible way. I wasn’t quite sure what I was watching, but
somehow, someway, it wasn’t just entertaining; it was absolutely hilarious.
In Bad Grandpa, Johnny Knoxville plays old
man Irving Zisman who has just received heartwarming news that his wife has
finally died. In a fittingly loose plot, he takes his grandson, Billy (Jackson
Nicoll), cross country (not a sport) to drop him off at Billy’s father. Hilarity
ensues.
I don’t want to ruin too much for you, but
if you are into any of the following – poop on walls, drunk shopping cart drive-thrus, hitting on unattractive women, beauty pageant stripteases, penises stuck
in vending machines – then go see it. However, don’t get your hopes up.
Maybe I was expecting too much from such a
film, but Bad Grandpa did not fully meet my expectations. The scenes jump around
too quickly, not really leaving much time for the humor to set in before the
film has moved onto the next random escapade. Knoxville is funny, but he
doesn’t reach his full potential that he has showcased before in other Jackass
films. Oftentimes, he is overshadowed by his dare-I-say co-star, Jackson
Nicoll.
All in all, though, Bad Grandpa was a
solid film, landing a few jaw-dropping laughs and a good amount of chuckles in
between. The stunts were performed in front of real, unsuspecting people,
making it even funnier. Although Bad Grandpa falls short of its original
counterpart, Borat, still see it because it has its moments, and its moments
are pure gold.
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