Saturday, October 19, 2013

Issue 6 (2013-2014)

Issue 6 (August 28, 2013)

Sidebar
Welcome Liv!
You may know her from her Sunset Club escapades or her JV Basketball highlight tape. Either way, read her article and go watch Breaking Bad.

Code Blue (get it?)
New security officers, there is no reason to arrest Mr. Rankin. He is not Walter White, although his appearance, chemistry background, and meth lab in his basement may say otherwise.

Genius Idea
Based off the Dempsey model, invite your significant other to lunch at the Bishop’s caffeteria. Invite him/her to the special dining room in the back staircase of Cummins.

Yesterday’s Lyrics Quiz
Mr. Davis and Mr. Lellenberg sheepishly wrote in yesterday to identify “Sk8r Boi” by Avril Lavigne. Most students remained in the music closet and chose their social standings over a mention in the DU. Not Amanda Roesser, however, who doesn’t have a life and had nothing to lose in telling me the song name.

Lyrics Quiz
Come to decide that the things that I tried
Were in my life just to get high on
When I sit alone come get a little known
But I need more than myself this time


Articles
Am I Breaking Bad?
By: Liv Johnson (Chiller)

Okay so just so all y’all know, I am seriously and totally obsessed with Breaking Bad, which happens to be about a middle aged man (mid-life crisis type) who doesn’t have a whole bunch going for him. He’s definitely as Katy Perry would say, a plastic bag drifting through the wind. This ‘plastic bag’ named Walter White starts cooking meth, casual, with his former student who is a gangsta hood white guy drug dealer named Jesse. They get together and boom, they start cooking and start making bank. Soon they meet Tuco, a crazy tweaker who tries to kill them, two evil twins, and Gus Fring, who runs a meth empire through a Mexican food and chicken restaurant named Los Pollos Hermanos. Sooo now you know the dealio.

WHY am I obsessed and HOW is the rest of world also hooked on watching a show about meth?
I am obsessed because of course I want to see an average Joe make the best meth the world has ever seen. I want to see him roll wheelbarrows full money into his small Albuquerque track home. I can’t look away from the blood gushing battles when, no matter what, Walt always kicks ass. DUH. He is a total bo$$.
Everyone in America is obsessed because, hey, if Walt can make 90 million dollars a year, so can they. Watching BB every Sunday lets the happy people of America let loose and maybe break a little bad themselves for an hour.
Just recently a chemistry teacher was caught trying to make meth and turn into the next “Heisenberg.”
The reason Breaking Bad has taken over my life (like really, I watched 5 seasons in 4 weeks) [My dad, Bill and I would scream at the TV at 3 am] is because, as bad as it is, I don’t want Walt to die. I really want to see what Walt will do next. The creator, Vince Gilligan, said in an interview that he wanted to take the average Joe and turn him into Scarface. I would say he has succeeded.
Am I still rooting for Walt? The ‘confessional’ video he made, poisoning Brock, and killing Mike makes Walt no longer Walt anymore, he is officially Heisenberg. To be honest, I want Walt to rot in hell, but for some reason I don’t want to see him just get locked up in jail or die of cancer. If he is going down, (which he is) I want it to be GNARLY.
Has Breaking Bad glamorized meth use?
Not meth use itself because we see all those ugly brothel type homes where the meth users live, but definitely drug dealing in general. It’s just the money that is so fascinating. (I love my life and sunset club, so no, I don’t want to be a drug dealer.)
Teachers, please keep your day jobs.

Eugoogily for a Legend
By: Dan Forssman (Emotional Wreck)

       Miley Cyrus was found dead earlier this week. She had been suffering from a horrid case of Disney Girl Syndrome (DSD), and we had expected this for a while, but the news may still come as a shock for many. We are still awaiting the autopsy results, but at the moment, experts believe that she may have passed away much earlier in the year, but people had stopped paying attention to her by then so nobody noticed.
       I myself was a dear friend of Miley. I grew up with the occasional Hannah Montana episode, when SpongeBob or Jimmy Neutron or really any above average TV show wasn’t playing. I developed a sincere connection to her as she developed into a beautiful young lady. These feelings were amplified when I hit the mute button on her show. When she got into music, I was originally apprehensive, but she killed it every once in a while. I still jam to “Party in the USA” with the windows down as I roll on down to the beach, and I still get turned on to the wonders of Miley whenever I watch the slightly disturbing yet magical masterpiece that is the “Can’t be Tamed” music video. And now, as I mourn the loss of a dear friend, I cry my heart out to the emotional rollercoaster, or rather sentimental mountain hike, that is “The Climb.”
For Miley, I am afraid that there isn’t another mountain.
       The accusations against her for murdering Twerking, who I used to go to when I was feeling down, merely make this experience so much worse. I know I can’t blame her, as she was the latest victim of DSD, but part of me is struggling to repress this anger I feel towards her for corrupting my childhood. My I <3 Miley shirt has reached dangerous levels of irony in the past weeks, and I can no longer express my true feelings about her in public without being ridiculed. If only she could come back to me, but, alas, I know that isn’t possible. My only option is to put “The Climb” on repeat and stock up on tissues for all of my issues. RIP Miley. At least I miss you, even if nobody else does.


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