Saturday, October 19, 2013

Issue 35 (2013-2014)

Issue 35 (October 14, 2013)

Sidebar
Canned Food Drive
Bring in canned food on Wednesday morning to benefit the San Diego Food Bank. Remember, however, that you don’t get any sort of free dress for bringing in cans because one day of our uniform is more important than feeding hungry people.

We Need More Sleep
According to Yahoo, Paul McCartney received the inspiration for The Beatles’ hit song “Yesterday” in a dream. “I just fell out of bed and it was there,” he says. If teachers want their students to experience similar success, they should stop assigning homework and allow us more sleep, which is clearly more productive than what we do awake.

Field Hockey
Not only did the Lady Knights Varsity Field Hockey team win the Helix Highlander Cup (something no Bishop's team has ever done) but they won it in a 5 game shutout (no goals scored against them). This is some serious stuff, folks. If you see a varsity player, or H, congratulate them, because they more than deserve it. [stolen from the Facebook of Benjamin Higgs] {refer grammar errors to him}

Lyrics
Normally, we have lyrics quizzes. But, every teacher at Bishop’s obviously decided to assign assessments this last week in a joint attempt to ensure grade deflation, so we don’t want to be associated with them.

I’m knock-kneed and got a neck full of razor bumps
I’m not the classic profile of what the ladies want
You might think I’m depressed as can be
But when I look in the mirror, I see sexy ass me

“Forest Whitaker” – Brother Ali

Articles

 You Can Take it With You… Not!
By: Dan Forssman

I’m not a frequent theater-goer, but I made the trip down to La Jolla on Saturday afternoon to see the critically acclaimed play You Can’t Take it With You. I was thoroughly impressed and amused, but I’m not going to talk about the complexity of the set or the plot like Leo did in Friday’s issue because I want people to actually read my article. Rather, I’m going to talk about how watching this play allowed me a greater insight into the lives of those who performed it. This is what I learned:

Nicholas Gibbons can charm the pants off any girl. And most guys.

Greg Feiner is destined to be a 70 year old man, reading a good novel in a rocking chair on the porch of his nice suburban home with a white picket fence.

Amanda Roesser likes boys.

Jackie Dicks is a genuinely funny human being. I am further convinced that it is not just her last name that makes me think that.

Adi Chang is really flexible.

Gabe Martinez should talk in his funny Mexican accent all the time in order to make up for all the hatred people feel towards him because of his facebook name, Whipple Hill.

Jack Mullen lives on the wild side.

Miles Collinson has a level of dedication rarely seen this side of the Mississippi. His willingness to shave his head really completed his part in the play. Truly a young, British Bryan Cranston in the making.

Colin Garon will be a horrible father one day.

Mackenzie Holmes has a hysterical fake laugh that is not annoying at all.

Vivian Casillas is bound to win the DAB of the year award for her performance.

Adela Pfaff is on our staff but rarely writes articles, so I will not further indulge or endorse anything she does until her level of contribution increases.

Connor Hayes should give me some spoints for coming to the play.

Perry Faulk needs to take anger management classes.

Anna Bloom is not high maintenance or fancy. She just doesn’t like frankfurters because she’s a vegeterian. Be more condiserate people.

Laurel Styner should be on So You Think You Can Dance only because she thinks she can dance. It comes rather Essie-ly to her (an incredibly bad pun just for Colin).

Carl Kyrillos is so hot right now.  

No comments:

Post a Comment