Sidebar
Paradox
Anna Bloom has never been mentioned in the
DU before. But I just mentioned her in the DU. So has she been mentioned in the
DU before? Or has she never been mentioned in the DU before? Or both? I think
I’ll leave this one for Schrodinger.
Pair
of Socks
It was a very poor showing yesterday from
the Bishop’s community. Despite a plethora of colorful footwear, I saw way too
many people rocking boring, white socks. Step it up. There are spoints on the
line.
Watch
Out Ladies!
Big man hunk Chase Lauer is showcasing his
super manly manliness by playing football. In this Case, I’d say that he’s
probably looking for a girlfriend.
RIP
Walter White
I hope I gave everyone enough time to
watch the series finale before I unleashed this entirely unsurprsing spoiler.
Reverend Fidler, I expect a moment of silence for the great Heisenberg during
the next chapel.
MyTunes
Elton John, a total boss, came out with
his 30th studio album a couple weeks ago. Not that I didn’t expect
it, but it truly is a solid purchase. Check it out.
Forgive
Me
I am running low on the creativity juices,
I am too lazy to check who got the lyrics quizzes right from yesterday, I have
way too much homework and studying, and I don’t feel like coming up with
anything else to put in the sidebar. Although I guess I kind of just did.
Articles
I Got it From My Poppa
A College
Essay
Some
students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that
they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds
like you, then please share your story.
My mother gave birth to me in the midst of a
bunch of asses and other animals. To be honest, the conditions were really
crappy. For some reason, three dudes showed up with gifts for me, which were
all kind of pointless for a newborn baby. But it was pretty chill I guess.
Anyways, my mom proclaims that she’s still a virgin, which doesn’t really make
sense, but I just go along with it to make her feel better.
On to my life, which is just divine. Long story
short, I’m pretty talented. At first, I started working in my dad’s workshop as
a carpenter, making chairs all day. However, I felt like I had much bigger
things in my future, and no, I’m not talking about tables and cabinets.
This one time, at a wedding, I turned water into
wine. No biggy. I may have emptied out the barrel of water and refilled it with
red kool-aid, taking advantage of the fact that the guests were all too drunk
to realize. But it was pretty clutch. I guess the moral of that story is that I
have great people skills.
Another time, I was faced with the dilema of
feeding a lot of people, and all I had was a couple people with fish and bread.
However, I analyzed my PPF graphs and found who had the comparitive advantage
in producing each good. A little knowledge about opportunity cost went a long
way, as I was able to organize a system to feed a lot of people. More people
skills, and some intellectual vitality – that’s me.
I think the biggest part of my story was probably
the time I died and then came back to life. My ex-friend, Judas, who is a total douchebag by the way, betrayed me
to the Romans. They were jealous of me because I was a lot cooler than them at
the time, so they decided to nail me to a cross. It was pretty painful, but I
pride myself in qualities like determination and perserverance, and these
helped me get through the whole process. I consider myself unique because I am
probably the only person you know who has not only been nailed onto a cross,
but also has died and come back to life. After they crucified me, they put me
inside a tomb. It took three days to get my energy up, but I had been getting
swole recently with my boy John the Baptist, so I was able to move the huge
boulder in the entrance and escape to my freedom. Overall, it was definitely a
pretty rad experience.
I’ve done a lot in my short life. Another time, I
healed a guy just by touching him. He may have been taking some medication, but
I like to take credit for it because that’s just the guy I am – a trendsetter,
a leader, and overall a great human.
I could go on and on about my accomplishments,
but there’s an entire collection of factual books written about me. It’s called
the “New Testament,” and you can find it in the nonfiction section of your
nearest bookstore.
I would love to attend the University of Nazareth
because, although I’m just the King of the Jews and not very diverse for your
standards, I have had done a lot of community service and other stuff over the
years that have benefited society. I know that you will make the right decision
and enroll me in your college. Because if you don’t, you’re going to hell.
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